


i'll break your (pretty) face

by gajima



Category: King's Maker (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternative Universe: University, Angst, Bad Communication!, Enemies With Benefits, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies with Benefits to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Lol No They Don't, Rivals, Shin is a bit of an Asshole at times, Shin is in denial, Then Some Good Communication, They’re Kinky Don’t Look At Me Look At Them, This is it folks, This is the Ultimate Trope, University, University AU, Wolfgang is A Dork, angsty boys, but kinda, everyone needs a friend like sys, fraternity au, it's a mess, messy relationship, not really - Freeform, sorry xo, they hate each other, wolfgang is COCKY, wolfgang: in this essay i will be discussing how lola bunny was sexualised despite being a rabbit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 40,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gajima/pseuds/gajima
Summary: bite your tongue and choke yourself to sleep.alt: shin soohyuk hates wolfgang goldenleonard. (until he realises he doesn't.)
Relationships: Shin Soohyuk/Wolfgang Goldenleonard, Wolfgang Goldenleonard & Shin Soohyuk, Wolfgang Goldenleonard/Shin Soohyuk
Comments: 76
Kudos: 57





	1. shut (me) up

**Author's Note:**

> playlist for [i'll break your (pretty) face](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RebrQfC2qswHJyzQb8RuC?si=-Dfq_ztDQjehvOITruFEQQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "oi, lake boy!"

when shin’s eyes opened in the morning—he was facing the sky. he blinked once, then twice before he saw two birds fly overhead majestically. it seemed dreamlike—

or, alternatively, like a _fucking nightmare_.

shin was sitting up, head rushing at the sudden movement. his momentary lapse in memory wasn’t helped by the black spots in his vision. he looked down, blinking the blurriness away. the blurriness did not leave.

shin reached absentmindedly for his bedside table and felt his hand dip into liquid. he froze, eyes moving across the expanse of his bed and peering over the edge.

water.

 _water?_ shin’s mind puzzled with him, confused. shin let himself momentarily marvel at the wonders of the human mind. _how insightful. yes, i’m in water—now shut the fuck up._ he needed _helpful_ deduction.

shin noted that he was still in bed, tucked in cosily like he recalled from last night.

last night— _he made his way across the lawn while the boys in alpha gold hooted and called out to him. he remembered; they were drunk and shin was too tired to offer a remark. he wanted to sleep—preparations for all his upcoming projects leaving him exhausted. he hit the bed and unlike most nights, his sleep was instantaneous._

shin narrowed his eyes. an inconsistency. sleep was never instantaneous for shin.

he thought harder, lines furrowing his forehead— _he remembered a glass of juice on his bedside table with a note. it had ‘_ from sys’ _scrawled on the paper and at the time shin had thought nothing of it. he had downed the entire glass and climbed into bed._

shin was an idiot.

because –

  1. sys _never_ scrawls anything—he always feels the need to use (unnecessary) calligraphy on any note he leaves
  2. sys _always_ signs off his notes or cards in an illustrious way ( _lots of love from your one and only most beloved_ with a ludicrous amount of ‘ _x’_ s)
  3. sys spent the entire night with ‘a friend’ who he ‘sometimes gives head to’ and most definitely did not have time to make shin juice.



so _no,_ that juice was definitely _not_ from sys and if shin hadn’t been exhausted, he would’ve known better.

however, shin _was_ exhausted and he _didn’t_ know better.

shin glanced around without his glasses. despite his blurry vision, if he squinted, he could see the statue of the dean in the distance. _leonard lake._ shin ignored the meaning behind those words (and the memories that flooded with them as well). he was in the middle of leonard lake.

a theory was coming to shin—

he had been drugged, his bed had been taken (with him asleep in said bed) and placed in the middle of the university’s infamous lake.

in conclusion: shin was pissed.

“oi, lake boy,” he heard a familiar voice call. shin closed his eyes, _count to three shin,_ he chanted to himself. _don’t give into him—_ “would you say your day is going _swimmingly?_ ” the voice broke into laughter with a chorus of other’s following in suit.

shin gripped his sheets furiously, head whipping around to the other side of the lake.

 _wolfgang,_ shin’s head offered, and this time shin was seeing red. (shin was not _really_ seeing much of anything since he didn’t have his glasses).

shin made out a blurry figure waving—wolfgang.

there were a bunch of other figures next to him, _his frat cronies,_ shin noted bitterly as he set his jaw. they were laughing, slapping wolfgang on the back and calling out across the lake to shin.

wolfgang held out a hand, settling them down and he took the moment of quiet to yell, “i heard you’ve been working hard on your precious project and i thought you’d want some fresh air.”

shin’s stomach sank at the mention of his project. they hadn’t touched it—he hoped not, at least. he’d worked tirelessly on his reports, lab notes filled with data he had logged over days of slaving and nights of writing.

“if one of you _touched_ my work, i promise you i will make your lives a living hell,” shin said, loud enough for his voice to carry across the lake.

“alright, fish boy,” wolfgang snorted and his chumps were laughing all over again.

“there’s a very special place in hell for you,” shin muttered under his breath.

“alright, boys, get back to the house. i’ll make sure to record _princess_ over here try to get out of this one.”

the crowd was dispersing, calling out to shin a few more times before they made their bustling way back to the alpha gold house. shin sat still for a moment, a quiet settling over the lake.

shin sighed, moving his body and freezing as he felt the bed rock unsteadily below him. a startled noise left his lips as he stilled on the bed.

he began moving again, making his slow way to the edge of the bed. he sat there for a few seconds, contemplating how he should go about this. the most logical way would be to—

“soohyuk!” wolfgang was shouting suddenly and shin was looking up, body lurching.

the bed tipped, gravity (shin’s enemy) pulled him into the cold water and his head was submerged. he struggled, kicking his legs and breaking through the surface, gasping for air. his hair was matted over his eyes as he treaded the water clumsily. he brought a hand to his hair, pushing it out of his face as he looked at wolfgang.

“i was just gonna’ say be careful,” wolfgang voiced and even through all the water clogging shin’s ears—he could hear the frat boy’s smile.

—

shin stepped out of the water, the morning air cold against his water coated skin. shin was shivering, button up silk pajamas sticking to his skin as he brought his arms to wrap around his body.

“need a hand, soohyuk?” shin heard the blonde ask innocently. this close, he could _almost_ see the boy’s stupid grin. (he really needed his glasses).

shin didn’t spare him a glance, “didn’t know you were still here.”

shin in fact _did_ know. the idiot did not stop shouting backhand encouragements while shin made his way out of the lake.

( _“you are athletically hopeless but it’s great to see you doing your best!” “you turn drowning into a real art form!” “shin, stay right there! i wanna’ take a photo of the snot coming down your nose.”)_

shin was walking up the hill, bare feet squelching into the grass and he pulled back, recoiling. he stared at the mud.

“want me to carry you?” wolfgang was having too much fun.

shin closed his eyes, finding his inner peace as he stepped into the grass.

with gritted teeth, he made his way through the green, moisture dripping into the ground and leaving his feet a little bit more dry. the rest of his body was freezing, water seeping into his skin and shin sneezed.

(“bless you.”

“go to hell.”)

once he made it over the hill (wolfgang tailing behind), he walked the cement path down to the houses. he scowled at the alpha gold house, turning towards his own when a hand grabbed his and pulled him along.

the blonde was pushing shin against the brick wall and shin felt the material of his clothes stick against it.

“you’re a terrible swimmer,” wolfgang said, placing his hands on either side of shin’s head. wolfgang was smiling and shin could see the thrill fill his eyes. shin looked away, furious. “you’re not mad, are you?” and the question was meant to piss shin off even more _and it worked._ shin clenched and unclenched his jaw, hands digging into his arms. “you’re not speaking to me? giving me the silent treatment? that’s pretty cute.”

and shin was looking at wolfgang, throwing daggers at him with his eyes.

“it’s safe to say that this one was a win for alpha gold—you really fell for the juice? with the note?”

and this time shin was narrowing his eyes, “that was _you?_ ”

“yeah. extra strength sleeping pills. made things a lot easier.”

shin’s glare was deadly and wolfgang held it with an equal intensity.

“aw, you are mad. you forgive me though, don’t you shin?” wolfgang drawled innocently, looking down at shin.

shin was gritting his teeth. he could feel his blood boil and that familiar coil pulling so far— so close to snapping. 

“you don’t take it personally, do you shin?” wolfgang pushed.

“shut up.”

“you don’t feel utterly humiliated do you—”

“wolfgang, shut up or _so help me._ ”

“or what?” and wolfgang was crowding into shin’s space, hot breath making shin’s eyes flutter and chest tighten and shin felt his lips purse as his heart drilled in. his chest. “ _or what?”_ wolfgang was saying again, quieter— a dare.

a dare.

shin had self-control, boundaries, self-respect—but wolfgang tested everything shin knew.

even about himself.

( _most_ of all about himself.)

shin hated the way wolfgang’s lips curled as shin grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the frat house.

—

their history was simple.

shin joined alpha blue, wolfgang joined alpha gold.

shin was academically brilliant and diligent—so his frat voted him as their leader.

wolfgang was _wolfgang_ and he was born to lead—so he became the leader of his fraternity as well.

there was a running feud dating fifty years back between alpha gold and blue—and so naturally their frat brothers carried their hatred on because pettiness was hereditary.

shin and wolfgang being leaders of opposing frats— naturally positioning them as rivals.

it was only natural.

one frat made a hit, then the other hit back.

it was simple. 

_insufferably simple._

so simple— it was bound to go wrong.

shin didn’t really remember the full details of the night. he’d tried on many accounts to make a detailed time map of how all of the events occurred to lead wolfgang and shin to where they were. all that shin remembered, was it started at the night by the lake—

_a dispute after a party._

_everyone was at least a little tipsy— even shin. shin ‘the responsible’ had caved from exam pressure and downed nine shots._

_the fight was short but big enough to alert the dean. their frats were broken up and told to go to their houses immediately and report to the office in the morning._

_shin had confronted wolfgang when everyone left—accusing him of stepping over the line. wolfgang had turned around, denying doing anything of the sort. he blamed shin’s frat._

_shin didn’t know how the next part happened; he was never a violent person but something about wolfgang was truly inspiring._

_the two ended up in a wrestling match, arms on each other’s shoulders. wolfgang clearly had the advantage but shin was giving it his all. he had clambered onto wolfgang’s back, both staggering and tripping into the shallow end of the lake._

_shin fell on his ass, water soaking through his pants and coming up to his elbows. wolfgang was on his knees, water just above his hips._

shin remembers that part clearly— _the water had slapped some sense into him._

_he looked at wolfgang with such a rage that the blonde flinched slightly._

_“sorry…” the blonde had slurred, “sorry, i’m sorry.”_

_and shin remembered being confused, because they had both fought. it was both of their faults. both of them were wrong. he had nothing to be sorry about because shin sure as hell wasn’t sorry about anything._

_wolfgang was laughing to himself slightly, shaking his head as he sat down in the water, eyes on the full moon._

_“what are we even doing?” the blonde had asked._

_and the moment was gripping. shin had never stopped to think about that. had always done what was expected of him and the words from wolfgang’s lips were a revelation._

_shin looked at the moon over his shoulder, then back at their houses. his eyes slowly found wolfgang and the blonde was looking back at him._

this is the part in shin’s memory that confused him—that blurred all the lines and made his head hurt because—

 _shin was leaning in and wolfgang’s eyes were widening slightly. his gaze flickered between shin’s eyes and his lips and the blonde was swallowing—“what are_ you _doing?” wolfgang was whispering in a hush as shin leaned closer still._

_“i don’t know,” shin answered._

_it felt like it was the first honest thing that had left his lips since he got here. and so, shin chased it._

_shin’s lips pressed into wolfgang’s and the blonde brought a wet hand to shin’s face, cupping his cheek tenderly._

_it was soft._

_shin’s brows furrowed. a kiss between two people who were supposed to hate one another was soft._

_it confused him. shin didn’t like being confused. he pushed wolfgang away, bringing his hand to brush against his lips as he looked at wolfgang—shin’s face contorting._

_shin saw the way wolfgang looked breathless, eyes wide, cheeks flushed. shin watched the hurt flicker across wolfgang’s face—saw the way his eyes pulled down and there was brokenness—_

_that wouldn’t do._

_shin made a show of rubbing his lips raw with his forearm, spitting in the water for extra effect._

_the hurt and pain twisted and wolfgang scoffed, turning away, “desperate much?” it sounded forced, lacked bite and had too much sadness instead._

_shin didn’t say anything as he watched wolfgang swallow hard._

_“yeah… but you kissed back,” shin was saying before he could stop himself. he wanted to poke, to ruse. he wanted to anger. he wanted someone to feel as mad as he did. shin didn’t know what was wrong with him. what wild thing possessed him to do it, but he leaned closer to wolfgang once more, “you liked it.”_

_shin saw the hurt contort into a flash of rage and wolfgang was shoving shin back. it was light, against his chest and just as a way to get the smaller out of his personal bubble. the edge of alcohol and shin’s awful coordination, however, sent shin tumbling backwards._

_shin fell easily. his head submerged under the surface of the lake and he let it happen. let the cold chill and claw at his skin. he duly noted his head had hit the bottom of the lake bed._

_wolfgang was pulling shin back up, cradling his head with worried eyes—_

_“shit—” wolfgang was rushing out an apology but shin was pushing wolfgang backwards, watching him fall under._

_wolfgang emerged from the surface quicker, gasping for air. now they were both wet, soaking from head to toe._

_wolfgang just looked at shin—lost on what to make of any of this. wolfgang ran a hand through his blonde locks, fisting it in frustration._

_“seriously,” wolfgang panted, “what the_ fuck _are we doing…?” his voice raised, heels of his palms digging into his eyes. and shin felt guilty for a moment, saw that the blonde was as tired as shin was._

 _and it was a good question—_ what are they doing? 

_this made no sense._

_none of it._

_this stupid prank war, their stupid frats, the stupid lecture in third period. none of it. and so shin soohyuk, for the first time in his life, realised he didn’t care about anything. in that moment—he simply didn’t care._

_he didn’t._

_so, he reached out for wolfgang, grabbed him by the collar and kissed him again._

_there was no softness._

_no gentle hand caressing his face._

_shin made sure of it when he set the pace, biting down on wolfgang’s bottom lip as hard as he could._

_it was harsh—lips cold and fingers icy against the skin of shin’s neck. it tasted like whatever filth was in the lake, grass and the whisky wolfgang had been drinking. there was no warmth, just tight material, too many layers and chafing._

_this is what i want— shin’s head tunneled._

_wolfgang was pulling back, “you’re a real piece of work, soohyuk.”_

_“you’re an asshole,” shin was pulling wolfgang back against his lips, moving to straddle the boy’s lap._

_it was intoxicating—clothes stripped, dragging the other deeper into the lake. roaming hands. shameless noises._

_wolfgang had pulled shin flush against his body, skin against skin, heat against heat—and taken shin soohyuk right there, in the monumental lake of their campus._

—

shin blamed it on many things. he was stressed, mind and body completely exhausted. the one day he was free to relax, he woke up in the middle of a lake. the boy who put him in the lake was stupid, persistent and _great with his tongue._

shin blamed the situation he was in on all of these things.

shin’s fingers gripped the familiar sheets, head hanging between his shoulders as he breathed another shudder through his lips. sweat pooled in his collarbones, down his chest and in the crevices of shin’s body. 

he was on his knees, hovering over wolfgang’s face. the blonde’s fingers were digging into shin’s bare thighs, face buried between them and—

shin brought a hand to his mouth, swallowing down a string of moans as he squeezed his eyes shut. wolfgang’s hands urged shin’s hips to move, hand squeezing the meat of the smaller’s thighs as he ran his hands up onto shin’s waist. 

shin liked that— liked the way wolfgang held on for dear life. liked how no matter what wolfgang said, he touched shin with such a reverence. like he was made of gold and every other precious thing. shin also liked how he had the boy under him and battling for air— shin _really_ liked that. it made him feel powerful. 

wolfgang’s grip tightened, fingers meeting around the dip of shin’s waist and wolfgang was lifting the smaller off his lips.

he placed shin on his chest.

wolfgang’s lips were slick with spit, eyes glazed and hair mused. his face was flushed pink, ears red and shin _wished_ he had his glasses so he could see the way wolfgang was looking at him. something in shin’s head noted— _he liked that the most. the way wolfgang looked at shin when he was thoroughly debauched._

it was enough to make shin lose his mind. 

wolfgang was catching his breath, hands running down to shin’s abdomen and shin’s body arched into the touch.

“riding my face? you call that a punishment?” wolfgang panted, thumb pressing into the skin above shin’s hip bone.

“if you can talk, you can make me finish.”

wolfgang was chuckling, the blonde was reaching a hand to rest on shin’s ass and he pulled forward.

“alright then, princess. your chariot awaits.”

shin was guided forwards so his knees dug into the mattress either side of wolfgang’s head. wolfgang turned his neck, tongue laving at the marks on shin’s inner thighs and the smaller shivered over him.

“get it?” wolfgang was saying, breath hot against shin’s sensitive skin, “ _chariot._ you’re a princess and princess' ride chariots. and my face is your chariot. because...because you’re gonna ride my—” before wolfgang could finish, shin was sinking down, silencing the blonde.

shin could feel wolfgang’s laughter rippling through his chest, breath hitting against shin and he was tensing—

“wolfgang, you’re not funny.”

a muffled, _i think i am_ from underneath shin. even from down there, shin could hear the shit-eating grin in wolfgang’s voice. a smile of his own threatened to curl the smaller’s lips. suddenly, shin was being pulled closer— lips pressing against his opening. shin felt wolfgang’s tongue circle his rim and the familiar pleasant burn began curling in shin’s body once more.

the heat flared through shin as wolfgang’s fingers bruised into his hips. shin began moving in tandem with wolfgang and the blonde hummed in satisfaction. the vibrations made shin’s body tense, arms locking and back lengthening.

wolfgang was diligent, licking into shin eagerly—ravishing him until the smaller was stuttering a broken moan and coming undone.

(and wolfgang was pulling shin down onto the mattress, hands touching him through his high until shin squirmed with oversensitivity.

from then, it was softer—wolfgang’s hands soothing up and down shin’s thighs as the smaller trembled from the aftermath. 

“you haven’t been sleeping well,” wolfgang was saying softly. a statement, not a question. “i hope you rested a bit better last night,” wolfgang’s voice was small. genuine. it wasn’t a snide remark. it was sincere.

shin gave a small nod, watching as wolfgang made his way to the bathroom, “i did.”

wolfgang came back, damp towel and sleeping pills in hand, “take these with you. sleep,” wolfgang was saying casually as he put the pills on the bedside table and sat back down on the bed.

and a part of shin wondered if wolfgang had done the bed prank with shin’s well-being in mind. made the juice and kissed the pills in his hands before mixing them into the drink. wished shin a restful night for once. if wolfgang’s intents were pure.

shin told that part of himself to kindly _shut the fuck up._

the blonde used the warm cloth to clean him up as he pressed his nose to shin’s temple. gentle. shin let his eyes flutter shut at the feeling, swallowing the lump in his throat. _like this, shin could pretend._ he didn’t know what he was imagining their relationship like— but in those moments when wolfgang wasn’t an asshole— shin let himself close his eyes and lean in. 

shin ignored the way he felt his body tingle despite his lack of arousal and he refused to think anything of it. he _couldn’t_ let himself think anything of it.

shin felt a finger brush against the marks left on his skin and—

“shin—did you notice?” wolfgang was asking gently. “did you notice the lake you woke up in?”

and shin’s eyes were pulling closed as exhaustion claimed him.

“of course, i did…” shin was murmuring, moving closer to wolfgang’s warmth.

~~_of course shin had noticed._~~ )

—

“shin! where have you been? we’ve been searching everywhere,” sys was rushing to the door taking shin’s face in his hands.

“i’m okay,” shin said.

“because we went into your room—your bed is missing. did you know? we thought you moved out. but then we thought, why would you take your bed—?” sys stopped momentarily, looking at shin’s neck.

shin pulled the sweater he was wearing higher up his chest, hiding the marks splattered along his throat. wolfgang’s sweater. _wolfgang’s marks._

“so—while we were worrying _sick_ , you were getting some dic—”

shin was coughing, taking sys’ hand and moving into the house, “alpha gold staged another attack. they took my bed and put it in the middle of leonard lake.”

sys blinked a few times, then frowned, “that would be hilarious in any other situation. but this is alpha gold,” sys thought momentarily, “damn, that’s annoying.”

shin sighed, hand against his forehead, “i need you to help execute an idea—i have a packed schedule and between this project and my workload…”

sys was patting shin’s shoulder, “

“hey, don’t worry. im not as big brain as you are but i can give those frat whores a run for their money.”

“thank you,” shin nodded gratefully. “i’m going to go take a nap,” shin yawned, trudging upstairs and sys followed.

shin opened his door and stared blankly at the place where his bed once was.

“how about we get your bed out of the lake first,” sys put a hand on shin’s shoulder sympathetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh boy... so uh.. here we are... ITS VERY DIFFERENT STYLE AND i have no idea where this is going so i may never finish it but i enjoyed writing this!! it's different to what i usually do so if you did enjoy it.. maybe leave a comment uwu ? that would mean a lot to me!! okay bye!!
> 
> (also hey nii and hunter u guys r very persuasive and so i posted)


	2. smile (while you suffocate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shin finds himself against another brick wall and thinks he’s developing a habit. 
> 
> (later that night shin realises its more of an addiction.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter includes the following themes that will probably reappear throughout the fic  
> \- slight degradation  
> \- slight humiliation  
> \- spanking  
> \- random space jam references
> 
> (don’t look at me like that this is part of the character building)

shin’s plan was simple but diabolical. super glue the alpha gold bathroom door with all of the frat whores in there and seal it up. his only problem was finding a way to get all of the idiots in gold to go there. the solution—

a big, ominous, red button in the bathroom. sys’ suggestion. 

_“a big red button?” shin had echoed and sys nodded. “sys, they’re dumb but not that dumb.”_

_sys smirked in response, “you give them too much credit.”_

_shin watched sys hopped down the steps in his ‘low profile’ lilac outfit._

_“be careful!” shin was calling out and sys flashed him a wide grin._

_shin watched as sys skipped off into the sunrise._

half an hour later, shin was taking notes on the front porch when he saw sys running back, staggering over in laughter—

“shin, you should’ve seen them! they’re a bunch of idiots, i swear. i put the button in the bathroom and they started freaking out. they all came and inspected it like a pack of monkeys. i think they all share one tiny brain cell. when the lead himbo bumbled in, i snuck out and closed the door. super strength glue— i wonder how long it will take for them to open the door.”

and shin was wrong— _they really were that stupid,_ he mused to himself. 

—

the sun was low in the sky as shin finished his sixth page of notes. he had moved to his room to focus without any distractions. 

he pressed his fingers into his temple, blinking his tired eyes as he put his pen down. he sighed, looking out the window. 

a fire truck, big and blinding pulled its way up the alpha gold driveway. shin squinted, pushing his glasses higher up as he leaned closer. 

a hurried knock on shin’s door—

“shin!” the familiar voice of dandelion called, “you’ll want to see this.”

shin followed the boy down the stairs and out the house to see a crowd of alpha blue brothers standing on the alpha gold’s lawn. 

“shin!” sys waved and shin made his way over. 

“what’s happening?” shin asked, eyes watching as the fire truck ladder extended to the second floor window. _the bathroom window._

“turns out they get dumber when in a pack,” sys responded, wide eyed and giddy.

shin’s mouth parted in disbelief as he saw big, strong alpha golds begin clambering out of the window with wobbly knees. sys was now keeling over with laughter as they slowly climbed out the window and were guided down the ladder with helping hands from the firefighters. 

they were in their bedtime attire, some in pajamas and others just in their jocks. despite shin’s exhaustion, the slightest smile took place on his lips as he watched the slabs of meaty alpha golds tremble on their descent down.

a crowd had now formed around the house, people whispering and others stifling laughs as the men kept tumbling out. 

finally, _finally,_ shin watched on as wolfgang stepped out the window. it made shin mad that the blonde looked good despite being rescued from a second floor bathroom. his long, corded limbs were pushing him over the sill as he easily stepped out. his movements were relaxed, shoulders down as a firefighter held out a hand for him. wolfgang’s eyes flickered over the crowd, looking for something—

shin felt fear run through him as wolfgang’s eyes narrowed. they had locked onto shin, wolfgang’s features twisting from an ember of fury and bursting into a seething look. wolfgang ignored the confused firefighters and grabbed onto the ladder. 

wolfgang slid down like he was the hero in some terrible action movie and landed with solid feet on the truck. he jumped off and walked past a group of rescuers in awe. wolfgang was heading straight for shin, strides long and determined. shin was taking a breath in, smile wiping off his face as he realised what was about to come.

sys wiped tears from his eyes as he held onto his stomach. he was too busy pointing and jeering at the alpha golds to notice as shin began taking a few steps backwards. 

he glanced back at wolfgang who was now charging towards him, brewing a storm along his path.

shin turned, pushing past people as he walked through the crowd. as soon as he broke from the sea of people, his feet were moving fast. he heard the faint sound of wolfgang shoving people aside, a few outraged _heys!_ from the crowd and shin decided that was his cue. he broke into a sprint, eyes scanning for a place hidden from sight—

hands were grabbing him by the waist, pulling him into a corner and pushing him against a brick wall. his face was pressed into the wall, scratching at his cheek and shifting his glasses so they sat crooked on his face. shin thought about how he seemed to find himself pushed against brick walls more often than the average person would. 

he felt a hand push against his upper back, holding him in place. 

then again, _not everyone had a wolfgang to push them against brick walls_. 

his chest felt like it was caving as shin tried to take a shaky breath in despite his position. 

shin turned his head, glancing over his shoulder at wolfgang. the blonde’s arm was outstretched, keeping shin trapped at a distance. his chest was rising and falling and he was _furious._ shin also noted— wolfgang was in his boxers, black and slightly tight around his thighs. shin glanced back up at wolfgang’s face. 

“soohyuk,” the blonde said with venom, pushing at shin harder. the air in shin’s chest rushed out as he felt sweat trickle down his spine. wolfgang’s hand took up most of the width of shin’s back and _what the hell did this boy drink to make him this strong._

shin didn’t answer, just looked wolfgang in the eye and made sure the blonde saw the curl of his lip. 

he heard wolfgang growl and watched as the man stepped closer, warmth radiating off his body. wolfgang was grabbing shin’s chin— turning his head jerkily so that wolfgang could look at shin— rage burning his eyes. 

“shin _fucking_ soohyuk,” wolfgang hissed, and shin couldn’t help but feel like there was a note of reverence in the man’s voice. rage, anger and _reverence._

shin’s smile only grew. 

shin shuddered as he felt wolfgang press his chest against shin’s back, hand tightening around shin’s jaw. 

“you son of a bitch,” wolfgang’s words were hot against shin’s ear and shin let his eyes close. 

“if i’d known himbos couldn't open a door, i would’ve done this a lot sooner,” shin mused and wolfgang was letting go of shin’s chin in favour of gripping shin’s hair and yanking it back. 

shin’s neck bent so that he was looking up at wolfgang, face full of every bad thing the blonde wanted to do to shin. shin had to use everything in him to hold wolfgang’s gaze, knees trembling and hands digging into the brick wall. 

“the glue?” wolfgang muttered

shin smiled, “my idea.”

“the button?”

“i’m not telling.”

“it has sys written all over it... i’m just about to strangle that asshole.”

“off you go then.”

wolfgang let out a short laugh, “yeah, nice try. unfortunately for you, _you’re_ the one at my mercy, soohyuk.”

wolfgang’s tone was dangerously low. promising. 

shin took a shaky breath in, “you think you scare me?” shin responded weakly. 

wolfgang’s arm was curling around shin’s waist, pulling shin back against the blonde’s crotch and shin couldn’t help the gasp tumbling from his throat. wolfgang pressed his hips forward, pinning shin against the wall again. 

wolfgang nosed along shin’s neck, “i _know_ i do.”

shin whimpered, head hanging low as wolfgang dragged his hips up slowly. _torturously._ shin felt the outline of wolfgang’s arousal press into the curve of shin’s ass and his nails scratched at the brick wall. 

“since i’m extra pissed and sys is god knows where—“ wolfgang gritted, “i’m going to have to wreck you enough for two people.”

and shin was gripping onto wolfgang’s forearm as the blonde rutted into him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


—

shin had one hand draped over wolfgang’s back, the other over his mouth. wolfgang had spun him around, kissed him senseless and pushed shin against the wall with a leg between his thighs. 

shin could only dig his fingers into the muscle of wolfgang’s shoulder and pray no one would find them as he grinded down on wolfgang’s thigh. 

“you’re a mess,” wolfgang was pushing the hair off shin’s face, pulling it lightly so shin was forced to look up at wolfgang as he trembled. 

shin’s eyes found wolfgang’s and he held them for a moment. wolfgang was running a hand to squeeze at shin’s ass and shin couldn’t maintain eye contact— too intense. ( _too intimate.)_ it was all _too much._

as wolfgang pushed a hand past the band of shin’s pants, the smaller let his head fall forward onto wolfgang’s shoulder, gripping the blonde’s bicep as he felt fingers brush against his entrance. 

“you’re close,” wolfgang was muttering into shin’s hair, moving his thigh against shin and shin could only nod, movements becoming sloppy. his breaths were hot into wolfgang’s neck, hands clinging to wolfgang as pleasure curled and pooled until—

wolfgang was pulling back and shin was letting out a broken noise— hands empty as wolfgang stepped away. 

shin swallowed back a whine at the loss of touch. he leaned back on the wall, he knees weak and breathing ragged as he blinked at wolfgang in confusion. 

“what…?” shin managed to pant as he watched wolfgang rake his eyes over him. 

wolfgang tore his eyes away from shin’s legs and looked back at his face, stepping closer to cup shin’s cheek. “you really think i’m gonna’ let you off that easy?” wolfgang voiced, low and even. 

and shin had to stop the whimper from leaving his mouth as wolfgang looked at him with murderous intent. 

“wolfgang…” shin’s voice was rough, hues of desperation and shin bit his words back because _he would not beg._

“you’re going to alpha bronze’s party tonight, right?”

shin thought for a moment before slowly shaking his head, “i have too much work,” his voice was soft, sense coming back to him as he shifted, uncomfortable hardness between his legs. 

wolfgang was leaning closer and shin was swallowing, “let me rephrase,” wolfgang’s lips brushed against shin’s, “you _are_ going. i _will_ see you there. you’re going to wear something nice and _forget_ about work.”

shin’s mind was swirling, wolfgang’s lips dancing on his with each word and he almost missed the way wolfgang’s eyes softened— words having some strange gentleness to them despite the order. 

_you’ve been working all week. come._

shin began to shake his head, “i-i can’t. i have to—“

wolfgang’s hand was grabbing shin’s crotch and the smaller’s body was caving into wolfgang as he let out a soft yelp. 

“all you _have_ to do tonight— is think about how well i’m going to fuck you.”

and just like that, wolfgang was sauntering away in his boxers. shin watched, hazed and dizzy as wolfgang disappeared around the corner. 

he let out a sigh, head hitting the wall behind him. shin needed to work, he had so much to do and—

_‘think about how well i’m going to fuck you’_

shin had to cling onto the wall at the memory of the blonde’s words. his promise. 

he wouldn’t go. of course he wouldn’t be going. no dick could distract him from his work. 

  
  
  


—

shin’s head hit the table and he let out a groan of frustration. 

“sys,” shin mumbled and the pink-haired boy hummed in response, “help me pick an outfit?”

sys gasped, “you’re going to the party?”

shin nodded, head squeaking on the table. 

“what changed your mind?” sys was jumping to his feet, opened his cupboard excitedly. 

how could shin say that _no matter how hard he tried to focus, all he could think about was wolfgang’s promise to destroy him into the nether_. 

“uh, i finished what i needed to do,” shin stated simply. 

“i’ve been wanting to dress you for _ages!_ it’s been so long since you’ve let me do something fun like— remember the harness?” sys looked at shin excitedly. 

_yes,_ shin flushed as he did indeed remember the harness and the amount of looks he got when he wore it. sys was convinced they were all because of how hot shin looked but shin disagreed. 

however, his wardrobe consisted of button downs and sys was the expert in wearing outfits to impress. 

(not that he wanted to impress anyone. shin was doing this for himself. that’s all.)

sys was holding out a glittery jacket, mouth wide open as he wriggled his eyebrows, “i think this is a winner.”

shin pulled his eyebrows together slightly, “i don’t think glitter is my thing.”

“i don’t think _fun_ is your thing either,” sys grumbled as he put the jacket back in place. 

sys pulled out fishnet stockings and this time, shin frowned, “sys, can you see me ever wearing those?”

“yes. in an alternative universe where you had the _balls_ to wear fishnets,” sys was throwing them back in his wardrobe and humming to himself, “i don’t suppose you want to wear a dress?”

“not really my thing,” shin mumbled. 

“how are we friends,” sys sighed, reaching into his wardrobe and rummaging around, “by god. your legs, in this—“

sys was pulling out tight leather pants—

shin was standing up, “sys, don’t you have anything— _family friendly.”_

sys rolled his eyes, “if you’re asking whether i have a nun outfit— then _no,_ sorry i don’t.”

shin walked towards the cupboard, poking his head over sys’ shoulder. he pointed, “what about that?”

sys pulled a face, “what _about_ it?”

“that looks nice,” shin hummed. 

sys looked at shin with pity, “i cannot believe you have the body you do and the fashion sense of an old man. you would be capable of such great things if you listened to my advice,” sys was pulling out the black turtleneck that shin had pointed out. 

sys tossed it to shin and shin fumbled, clumsy hands nearly dropping the material. 

“honestly,” sys leaned back, “you can keep it. it’s too boring for my taste.”

“sys, i couldn’t possibly. it looks too—“

sys was waving a hand, “oh shin, we’ve known each other too long to be so _modest._ say you love it and it’s yours.”

shin looked at shin softly, “i… it’s really nice”

sys smiled broadly, “i’m glad you think so. it belongs to you now.” 

sys was reaching into his wardrobe and pulling out what shin thought was a sweater. 

the piece of clothing was beige, had a turtleneck and long knitted sleeves. that was it. It looked as if the material covering from the collarbones down had been cut out.

“alternatively,” sys waved the piece of fabric in front of shin, “you could wear _this_.”

“are you… supposed to wear something underneath?” shin swallowed as he eyed the material sys held. 

“nope!”

shin clung onto the black turtleneck in his hands tighter, “i think i’m good with this one.”

“one day, shin, you’ll come begging me to dress you like a whore. i’ll wait patiently till that day.”

  
  
  
  


sys gave shin a long beige overcoat and some brown slacks to wear with his sweater.sys stepped back, eyeing shin. he hummed, “look, you kinda have a grandpa vibe going but… a grandpa i’d fuck.”

shin was brushing his nose with the back of his hand as he lowered his head, blushing. 

“it’s not very party,” sys said, crossing his arms. 

“i don’t know what ‘party’ means.”

—

shin watched as boys and girls hooted and made their way up the driveway. _yes,_ shin wasn’t very _party._ in a sea of jeans, leather jackets and hawaiian shirts, shin was what some may call overdressed. 

sys slapped shin’s ass and shin jumped, “lighten up!” the pink-haired boy stood in a sheer, glittery, long-sleeve top. he wore tight shorts and fishnet stockings underneath. 

he looked incredible. 

shin took a breath in— “i forget how parties work,” shin admitted as they made their way to the door. 

“you’re about to find out,” sys patted shin’s shoulder as he opened the door. 

the house had dimmed lights, deafening music and some coloured lights changing sporadically. shin noted the faint waft of sweat and alcohol and grimaced.

_ah yes, parties._

they made their way through the crowds of people. some animatedly talking, some leaning against walls and flirting. shin saw a few people high and sitting in corners blowing smoke around. 

it was a mixed feeling, the hatred of the whole thing, yet the thrill of something happening. shin hated parties and that’s why he loved them. 

“do you want a beer?” sys was calling out to shin. 

shin shook his head, deciding it would be better to stay sober tonight. 

“sweet, i’m gonna’ grab you a beer,” sys walked off and shin sighed.

shin let his body be pushed and pulled with the movement of the crowd as he aimlessly walked through. he spotted a couch and felt relief wash over him. he waded through the people as he made his way to the seat and with a huff, dropped down. 

he was already exhausted and he just got here. shin sighed, lifting up his glasses to rub his dry eyes. the room was hot and weirdly sticky. shin grabbed the fabric of his coat and pulled it off, folding it neatly and placing it on his lap as he made himself comfortable. 

he scanned the room, looking for nothing in particular but already bored out of his mind. 

“h-hey,” he heard a voice say and shin looked up. 

“haiyan,” shin said, voice slightly surprised. “i didn’t know you were going to be here.”

haiyan smiled shyly, “y-yeah, i had nothing else to do.”

they were silent for a moment and the awkwardness had shin clearing his throat. 

“would you like to sit down?” shin offered and instantly haiyan was taking a seat next to shin with a hurried yes. shin laughed lightly, “were your feet hurting that bad?”

haiyan gripped the cup in his hand as he stared ahead, “yeah, something like that,” shin watched the boy swallow hard, almost hearing the noise over the music. 

haiyan was one of his comrades in alpha blue and naturally, spent a lot of time around shin. maybe shin had also _fooled around_ with haiyan a few times but the boy was not exactly what shin was looking for. they had some things in common but it was missing everything shin needed and the guilt of using him as a simple fix ended up being too much. shin broke it off and haiyan sobbed. they didn’t speak much after that. 

haiyan brought the cup to his lips and shin watched as haiyan’s hand trembled, drink sloshing around inside. 

“are… you okay?” shin asked, concerned. 

haiyan slurped from the cup before nodding quickly, “y-yeah. yes. very nice. good. i’m good.”

_he didn’t look very alright._

shin nodded, “okay…”

“one beer for one fine piece of ass,” sys sung as he shoved two people making out aside and stepped in front of shin, “oh, hey haiyan.”

haiyan raised a trembling hand. 

sys raised a brow.

“uh, you have a bit of whisky coming out of your mouth there bud,” sys tapped a finger to his lips.

haiyan blushed a deeper red, hand coming up to wipe his chin. 

sys passed the beer to shin. 

shin sighed, “i thought i said _no_ beer.”

“and i thought i said you should wear a harness with nothing underneath—“

haiyan spluttered, beer shooting out of his mouth. the boy coughed chestily. 

“you good, bro?” sys watched the boy nervously rub his mouth, slightly appalled, “why is he here?”

shin furrowed his brow, mouthing _be nice_ to sys. sys pouted and mouthed _i’m always nice_ back. 

haiyan was getting up, bowing to both shin and sys and mumbling a _thank you for your time_ before he left. the two watched him stumble away and sys slowly looked back at shin. 

“he’s a weird one,” sys noted. 

“he’s nice,” shin hummed, sipping from his beer. 

“you know he has a crush on you?” sys crossed his arms with an amused smile. 

“that’s not true.”

“you fucked around for what, a month? he’s been a mess around you since.”

shin rolled his eyes, “that’s _not_ true.”

“oh, yeah? did you know last christmas he bought you a ring and asked me if he should give it to you? real diamonds and all?”

shin blinked at sys, “very funny.”

“sweetie, i _wish_ i was joking _._ he told me he wanted to go down on one knee on the campus love bridge and ask you to be his boyfriend.”

shin stared into the crowd, jaw hanging slightly as he took those words in, “sorry, what?”

sys plopped down next to shin, “i told him you’d probably run away if he did something like that.”

shin looked down at the beer in hand. 

“so, still think he doesn’t have a crush on you?” sys snorted. 

shin simply pressed the bottle to his lips and took three big gulps. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


shin’s brow creased as his thoughts went to the work he still had to do. there was so much remaining and—

a finger was poking shin’s cheek.

“hey, none of that,” sys reprimanded, sliding a shot over to shin. “down that.”

shin wanted the worry to leave him and so he picked up the small glass and took the shot, throwing his head back. 

“great, now two more!” sys cheered. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“have you seen my best friend’s coat?” sys was stumbling over to some random man, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him down to meet his eyes.

the man shook his head, “no beautiful sir, i have not seen your friend’s jacket,” the man slurred back slowly. 

“shin!” sys turned to look at shin, “this hot man hasn’t seen your coat either!”

“it’s really okay, sys,” shin reassured, i’ll find it later—“

“no! no best friend of mine will lose his coat. let’s ask that cute boy over there,” and shin watched sys walk over to someone else, tripping over his feet. 

sys was drunk, shin noted. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


sys was insisting. shin wasn’t drunk but the slight edge of alcohol meant shin was reluctantly following sys to the dance floor. 

shin leaned towards sys, “i don’t know how to dance,” he confessed into sys’ ear. 

sys grabbed shin by the shoulders and pulled him in, “you _do_ know how to look hot, shin. the rest comes naturally. be confident.”

sys was grabbing shin’s hips and pulling him closer and shin was startled slightly as sys began dancing against shin. the pink-haired boy was a natural, music shaping to his body as he sang animatedly, nose brushing shin’s. shin watched in awe as sys looked so _alive._ happy. mesmerising. 

“you’re amazing,” shin said but his words got lost in the music and never reached sys. 

_it was true._ shin was always left speechless when it came to sys— he was everything shin wasn’t and shin had nothing but respect for him. 

so when sys grabbed shin’s hands and pulled him closer, shin let his body sway to the music. when sys started laughing happily, grinding against shin— shin let a smile pull his lips too as he playfully returned the favour. 

“see, you’re a natural!” sys was shouting over the music and shin blushed. 

_he had sys to thank for that._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


sys had been eyeing up a boy on the dance floor and with shin’s blessing— sys had made his way over. shin was now in the middle of the dance floor, significantly less confident without sys and cheeks flushed at the packed heat of bodies. the music thundered through shin’s ears and set the rhythm of his heart. 

he was trying to figure out his way out of the mob when he felt an arm curl around his waist and pull him backwards. 

“wait long?” the voice was brushing against the back of shin’s ear and he felt his body turn into liquid electricity. 

“wolfgang,” shin managed to say. 

wolfgang hummed in response, the sound reverberating through shin in a way that made the music drown out and heat lick through his body. shin felt time slow, eyes fluttering shut as he felt teeth graze against his ear. 

“meet me upstairs,” the blonde was saying before the arm was pulling away, his warmth being replaced by the bodies packed around shin. and shin frowned slightly. 

_because he didn’t want their warmth._

  
  
  
  
  


shin was stumbling up the stairs. he was only four drinks in but his feet weren’t as cooperative as he was used to. he slowed down in the corridor. upstairs, the music from below was drowned out— like a whirlpool of noise under shin’s feet as he made his way through the corridor. 

two doors— one red and one blue. shin glanced between them only briefly, pushing his glass up as he reached for the handle. 

he opened the red door. 

shin stepped in quietly, moving to switch the light on when he heard a voice tut. 

“none of that,” wolfgang’s voice carried through the room and shin’s hand froze over the switch, “close the door and lock it,” wolfgang said simply. 

shin swallowed, slowly moving his hand from the switch to the door and closing it. with a _click_ , the door was locked and shin stood still. 

“turn around,” wolfgang said and shin obliged, body moving so his back was to the door. 

his eyes were yet to adjust, darkness swallowing shin’s vision and the boy swallowed again— throat feeling dry. 

shin heard shifting, wolfgang moving closer. 

“you plan on being good, soohyuk?”

shin waited a moment before answering, “when have i been bad?”

wolfgang let out a dry laugh, “that’s not what i asked— i said are you going to be good.”

shin opened his mouth to make another comment but he let out a gasp as he felt hands run up his abdomen, brushing over his nipples through the sweater and shin’s hands were flinching— shin balled his hands into fists, repressing the urge to reach out and touch wolfgang. 

“i don’t know, am i?” shin pushed, feeling a hand snake up his neck and gently wrap around shin’s throat. not applying pressure, just holding shin in a way that made him feel small. shin’s head was leaning back, eyes closing at the feeling. wolfgang let out a satisfied noise at shin’s reaction. 

wolfgang gently squeezed, fingers pressing into shin’s pulse but not cutting off circulation— smiling at another pretty little noise shin let out. 

“you wanna know what i think?” wolfgang said, stepping closer to shin. “i think you’re gonna’ be _real_ good for me. i think that’s what you want—to be my baby boy.”

and shin felt the air rush out of his lungs at the name, heat flaring through his body embarrassingly quickly and shin couldn’t find the words. his throat was dry, hands giving in and clinging onto wolfgang’s arms and shin felt in a trance. 

he stood helpless as wolfgang leaned in, taking shin’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting hard. shin choked on the last of his restraint. he took a shaky breath in, nodding slowly in response and wolfgang’s chuckle was cool against shin’s cheek.

“good boy,” wolfgang praised and shin whimpered. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


like most times around wolfgang— shin felt like he was drowning. but in moments like this, it was all too much and not enough. 

“p-please,” shin’s hand gripped into wolfgang’s bicep. the blonde drew his hand back and landed a solid hit on shin’s ass, the sound deafening as shin lurched forward, head dropping low as he let out a cry. 

his body trembled, body flushed down to his chest and tears beading his eyes. 

wolfgang had shin naked and over his knee. the blonde was still wearing his jeans and simple white shirt, shoes discarded on the floor. 

“wolfgang, _please,”_ shin gasped, pain coiling into some twisted form of pleasure and wolfgang smoothed a hand over the mark forming. his fingers massaged the skin and shin’s dick twitched as he gripped the sheets and let the tears fall from his eyes freely. 

“out of all the shit you say, _this_ is something i can get behind,” wolfgang finally said, voice dripping with roughness as he leaned down to press a kiss on the dip in shin’s back, “the sound of you begging to be touched.”

shin arched into the softness of wolfgang’s lips. his body cried out to be held without pain (yet shin dripped and twitched _because_ of the pain).

shin’s mind kept drifting to his project time and time again— the anxiety of not working was pooling in shin’s stomach and made shin restless the entire night. 

another slap and shin could feel those thoughts drowning out— brain foggy— only room in his head for the burn of his skin under wolfgang’s brutal ministrations. 

the pleasure was sickening, so good and so wrong. shin didn’t get it— didn’t understand why it riled him up the way it did— made his insides melt him into a pool of putty. 

_something about relinquishing control_ , shin’s head noted blearily. shin liked order, liked knowing what he was doing and what was happening— he was fixated on the concept of having things in control. he knew that. he _liked_ that. liked being in control. that was shin. at least that’s what he thought. 

with his body and mind at wolfgang’s mercy, shin noted he needed to revise what he thought he liked and didn’t. because he was eroding in wolfgang’s hands— desperate for wolfgang to give him more of nothing. _and he liked this too,_ the shame of liking it making pleasure thrum deeper and harder. 

another slap and shin let out a broken sob, arms buckling and face falling into the mattress as his chest heaved. his fingers grabbed into the sheets, clawing at the material as shin took a burning breath in, chest alight.

he let out a whimper into the mattress, face pressed into the cool material. his skin was hot and his dick was so painfully hard shin was tearing up all over again. 

wolfgang was digging fingers into shin’s hips, hands massaging up shin’s back— a silent reminder to breathe. shin was looking over his shoulder, eyes wanton and lips trembling as he looked at wolfgang and let out a soft whine. 

wolfgang was pulling shin up, lifting shin into the blonde’s lap. shin felt air rushing into his lungs as wolfgang leaned back against the headboard. he moved shin with him, settling the trembling body between his legs. wolfgang soothed a hand down shin’s chest as he pressed his lips into shin’s neck. 

there was something about wolfgang being dressed and shin wearing nothing that sent a shudder through shin. (there was something about how gentle wolfgang’s hands were, reassuring him, that made shin’s heart lodge in his throat.) 

wolfgang pressed his lips against shin’s head, then his temple and—

“you’re doing so well, so _good._ so perfect. doing well just for me,” the blonde squeezed shin’s waist, rubbing soothing circles over the skin. 

shin let out a huff of breath, eyes fluttering shut and melting into the hold because _maybe he did understand._ maybe it was all worth the pain because shin deserved it. and maybe it was worth the pleasure because wolfgang made him forget everything when shin was in his arms. 

shin felt the tension in his body ebb away at the will of wolfgang’s hands. shin had no choice, simply sat as his worries floated away and leaned further into wolfgang’s touch.

both the pain and the pleasure were the reasons shin felt like _this—_ like he was floating _—_ nothing but a vessel feeling numbing pleasure. 

wolfgang’s hand ran down shin’s chest, reaching his lower stomach and shin’s breath hitched. his knees squeezed together when wolfgang’s hand dropped lower, the blonde putting a hand under shin’s thigh and urging the smaller to spread his legs. 

shin obliged, shaky breath as wolfgang’s hand curled around shin’s dick. shin was humming, an undertone of a whine as his brows furrowed at the feeling of wolfgang’s rough hand against him. wolfgang began working the length between his fingers, teeth pressing down on shin’s neck. _tender._

shin was twitching, muscles trembling as his fingers digged into the muscle of wolfgang’s thighs. wolfgang’s hand worked faster. 

a soft gasp and wolfgang was tensing his jaw, teeth breaking skin. shin threw his head back as wolfgang rubbed a thumb over the tip, pressing lightly against the slit and—

shin twisted in wolfgang’s hold, air catching in his throat. a moan turned into another broken sob as wolfgang’s thumb kept teasing. 

“wolfgang,” shin cried out, gasping. 

“tell me what you want.”

the order set them back to where they were, wolfgang holding the smaller at his mercy and shin’s blood turned icy. a hot shiver ran through shin’s body. 

shin lifted a hand to his mouth, trying to contain the whimpers sounding off his tongue. 

wolfgang chuckled darkly, “who’re you tryna fool, baby? i saw you get hard over a few spanks— no point in hiding how much you love this.”

the humiliation burned shin’s mind blank, throat so dry and skin so hot shin was sure he would evaporate. wolfgang pumped shin once, twice and then stopped to grip the base of his length. 

a warning— _let me hear you._

“wolfgang,” the name slipped from shin’s lips— wavering, thick and breathless. 

shin felt like his chest was caving. _please._ the word looped through his brain and drained any retaliation he had to wolfgang. every last drag of control was strained from his body. 

“say it,” wolfgang squeezed around shin’s length and shin was whining. 

“let me— please, just— let me—“ shin choked on his words as wolfgang’s grip tightened, other fingers moving to circle shin’s fluttering hole. 

“say the word and it’s yours.”

shin mindlessly reached for the hand circling his rim as he felt his sanity leave him. wolfgang pulled the hand away from shin’s hole, cautiously peering at shin. 

“too much?” wolfgang whispered into shin’s ear. _concern._

shin’s hand was seizing wolfgang’s wrist, fingers digging into the flesh as shin shook his head. he didn’t take wolfgang’s hand, the action too soft. (they had boundaries.) so instead, he held onto wolfgang’s wrist like it was a lifeline.

he didn’t have the words, panting helplessly as another whine left his lips. he just needed—

shin felt wolfgang’s wrist flex in his hand— fingers stretching out to brush against shin’s wrist. wolfgang took shin’s wrist in his grip, both holding onto each other. wolfgang’s thumb ran across shin’s thundering pulse. _softly_ . wolfgang pressed his thumb into the shin’s skin in a way that said _take a breath, soohyuk. i’ve got you._

enough pressure to remind shin to find his words. relax. it was grounding— let shin take a breath and—

“let me cum. i-i just wanna’ feel good,” shin’s voice was small. ashamed. the words felt heavy on his tongue, “p-please.”

and shin never needed to beg, never needed to fall onto his knees to get something. but he _wanted_ to. wanted to be nothing under wolfgang— pliant. 

he felt wolfgang’s hand tighten around his wrist in a comforting way, a silent praise _you’re going well, a little longer._

the hand around shin’s length began moving up slowly, then back down and shin let out a hiccup. a sigh of relief. 

breathy moans filled the room as shin let wolfgang set a pace, hand moving on his own accord and shin leaning against wolfgang— craving for release. 

they still held onto each other’s wrist, a semblance of sanity-- peace in the storm.

wolfgang’s lips were against the curve of his shin’s neck and shin could feel wolfgang’s heavy breaths warm his skin. 

shin felt the tension twist so sweet— pulling him so high it made his toes curl. 

they were still clinging onto the other’s wrists, shin’s grip tightening in a silent plea. wolfgang scraped his teeth against the covered bone of shin’s neck. 

“sound so pretty,” wolfgang whispered and shin’s mouth hung open uselessly, “so pathetic,” wolfgang hissed and shin’s head rolled, moans building in the back of his throat and overflowing through his lips. 

“wished i could take a photo of you like this,” wolfgang muttered into shin’s neck, and the words had shin gasping— a vivid image of wolfgang over him with a camera as he spat filth at shin. the smaller let out a desperate whine. “you like that? shit, should’ve known. bet you wouldn’t mind if others saw pictures of you like this,” wolfgang’s tounge ran over shin’s ear, as shin shook his head. despite the refusal, a blistering heat spread underneath shin’s skin. 

“i think you’re lying,” wolfgang’s hand worked shin’s length quicker, applying pressure that had shin’s breath rushing out of him. “i think you’d like it. think you’d like seeing them around campus. like everyone knowing that the class prodigy takes it like _this._ so pretty. crumbling and whining. so _fucking_ desperate. so _fucking_ pretty.”

and shin keened, hips stuttering and distraught whine leaving his lips as he spilled over wolfgang’s hands. his back arched, as wolfgang dragged shin through his orgasm— slow and deep. 

shin felt wolfgang’s name leave his lips and he squeezed wolfgang’s wrist in a death grip, hips canting into wolfgang’s grip— gasping and panting. 

shin felt wolfgang press his lips against shin’s neck and the smaller was being pulled out of shin’s lap and onto his back. 

shin lay breathless, chest moving up and down as he looked up at wolfgang hovering above him. shin felt his chest rise, the delusion of wolfgang kissing shin on the lips on his mind. 

shin held his breath, twinges of anxiety filling his chest and—

wolfgang leaned down and pressed his lips against shin’s ear, “you were amazing,” he whispered. “you were so good for me, soohyuk.”

the words replaced the feeling with a gooey sensation as shin felt his insides turn to gold, warm and sated. the smaller had to hold back a whine, hands flinching with the urge to wrap around wolfgang’s shoulders— but pulling back as shin battled with the mess in his head. 

_boundaries._

  
  


it was midnight when they crumpled together against the sweat and cum stained sheets. 

wolfgang inhaled, chest swelling as he pulled shin against his body and tucked him under his chin. shin let his chest rise and fall with wolfgang’s, syncopating the rhythm of their breaths. 

“are you okay?” wolfgang asked, hands wrapping around shin’s upper body and pulling him tightly against the blonde. 

shin nodded, turning his head so he could move his face into the curve of wolfgang’s chest. he was exhausted, eyes staying closed for longer with each breath he took. 

“feel bad for whoever’s bed this is,” shin mumbled and wolfgang was chuckling, nose pressing into shin’s temple. 

“worry about yourself. you took a lot tonight… are you sure you’re okay?” 

shin let his eyes close, feeling wolfgang’s hand gently trace over shin’s hipbone and shin gave another nod. 

“i’m good. it… it was good.”

_it was needed._

wolfgang pressed his lips against shin’s temple, and shin wondered for a moment if it was a kiss. he felt wolfgang’s breaths slow— evening out as the blonde sighed. 

“yeah,” he was saying into shin’s hair, “you’ve been worried.”

shin felt his chest cave and his heart clench, eyes creasing as he squeezed them tight because— _wolfgang always knew what shin needed._

always knew when shin was another level of stressed, when he was at breaking point, when his exhaustion was catching up to him and he was running on zero.

_wolfgang always knew._

and if it was anyone else, any other place— shin wouldn’t listen. turn his head away and keep on pushing till he broke into a million pieces. 

but when it came to this place, the little space created between wolfgang and shin— in these moments when they were allowed to be tender— when the rules said they could hold each other— shin would nod slightly and let wolfgang’s words wash over him. and shin would glow.

shin gulped down the rise of his heart and pulled out of wolfgang’s arms. the blonde let him go, watching as shin shuffled away from him, back still facing wolfgang. 

they lay there for a few minutes, letting themselves catch their breaths.

“how long were you in there?” shin asked.

“hmm?” wolfgang hummed, hand running up to ghost over shin’s ribs— fingers tracing a purpling bruise. 

“in the bathroom. how long were you stuck in there?”

wolfgang’s fingers froze in the dip of shin’s rib.

“i’m not answering that.”

“how long?”

“... five hours.”

wolfgang caught the faintest traces of a smile on shin’s lips and let out an outraged noise.

“listen—” wolfgang started.

“ _five hours?”_

“listen! i have no idea _what_ you used but even with our combined weight of three thousand kilos, we couldn’t open the door.”

shin didn’t laugh, but his eyes flickered with the hints of amusement. because of course it took five hours— the alpha golds were stubborn and refused to admit defeat. even calling for help would take an exhausting amount of time. 

“blow dryer,” shin hummed.

“...what?”

“you should’ve used a blow dryer.”

“...like, hit the door with it? or…?”

shin turned onto his back so he could look at wolfgang, “glue doesn’t have a high heat capacity. the blow dryer on the highest heat setting should have enough energy to melt the glue. it would take some time, but _definitely_ not five hours. melt the glue then open the door.”

to that, wolfgang propped himself up on his elbow, blinking down at shin. he opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. wolfgang looked frozen in place, shin could see wolfgang trying to put all shin had said together. shin could see the gears turning in his head, the blonde’s strong brows furrowing slightly. _wait for it._ finally, the blonde looked at the ceiling with an indignant gasp. _there it was._

“you’re joking,” wolfgang whispered in horror. shin watched (with fond eyes) as the blonde fell back onto the mattress, “how do you know these things?”

“i read.”

“that’s hot.”

“ _five hours.”_

“shut up.”

“what do a group of trapped himbos do for _five hours?_ ”

“we played like... five thousand rounds of smash or pass.”

“that’s impressive.”

“you learn a lot from a person depending on who they smash and pass,” wolfgang tucked his forearm under his head, turning his body towards shin. “ for example, we did a space jam edition, and i think all of our house are secret furries because— everyone thought lola bunny was hot.”

a humoured huff left shin’s mouth.

“right?” wolfgang’s voice was hushed but colourful, “at first i was like— _you guys are freaks._ she’s literally a rabbit. then i realised—lola bunny was _made_ to be hot. like she… was so…” wolfgang eyes wandered as he thought, “uh… i don’t know the word…”

“frisky?” shin offered.

wolfgang snapped his fingers, “exactly! _frisky._ and that doesn’t mean we as an audience should like… sexualise her— but a group of young kids watching this bunny in booty shorts be hot was probably a lot for them. the real freaks were the creators who wanted to put a sexy bunny in a kids movies. so i kinda get where they’re coming from and chose to respectfully understand them.”

shin nodded, eyes studying wolfgang as he made his analysis, “insightful,” shin said and wolfgang grinned.

“thanks. i was thinking about this all day.”

“what about you?”

“what about me?”

“what’re your thoughts? is it a smash for lola bunny?” shin said, turning so that his body was facing wolfgang’s. he imitated wolfgang, tucking his forearm underneath his head. 

wolfgang moved closer to shin, “no, sir. not me,” wolfgang lifted a hand to shin’s hip. 

shin saw him hesitate, contemplating. shin didn’t need any comforting anymore and the action was far too soft. the reach too gentle. wolfgang pulled his arm back and cleared his throat, “lola wasn’t really my type,” wolfgang said, voice quieter. somber.

the air felt like it grew stale. because _, they remembered the rules._

shin released the breath he didn’t know he was holding in, skin tingling at the almost touch. they had finished what they needed to do, any justified reason for tenderness was gone. 

_a touch so delicate now would be_ … 

“oh, i see,” shin moved to lay on his back, facing the ceiling. (facing away from wolfgang.) he swallowed thickly, ignoring the way wolfgang’s eyes burned into the side of his head.

 _don’t look_ , he willed himself. _don’t look back at him._

“yeah,” wolfgang was shifting now, moving onto his back as well. a moment of quiet. wolfgang’s eyes left shin. 

the blonde sighed, “i only had a boner for bugs bunny,” wolfgang deadpanned, strings of laughter in his voice and shin was letting out a breathy sound, a smile pulling his lips as he glanced over at wolfgang.

the blonde had a rogue smile, eyes warm as he looked back at shin.

 _(no matter how many times shin told himself to look away, he couldn’t. wolfgang was incandescent. he glowed. and shin couldn’t take his eyes off him._ )

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nii !! GO TO SLEEP ?:??:?:?:


	3. stop. (drop.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which shin finally reaches breaking point
> 
> (but it’s safe and in familiar arms)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:  
> \- depictions of anxious behaviour/anxiety  
> \- panic attacks  
> \- shin go take a nap or so HELP ME—

wolfgang and shin had rules. they never said them aloud, but the rules were there. they were mismatched and didn’t make a lot of sense but they were rules. if you squinted, they had some sort of structure. if they were broken— everything would crumble. 

their unspoken rules:

  1. kissing each other on the lips was only allowed for the sake of initiating other activity. no gentle press of their lips, no fond gazes and slow movements. heavy panting into the other’s mouth and desperate fumbling of lips were the only allowed forms of kissing because anything else was— it was just _unacceptable._
  2. they did not hold hands. this one was simple. they were not a couple. they were not even friends. holding hands wasn’t some casual thing they could do. it meant something. and so, their hands would never interlace.
  3. the only tenderness they were allowed to show was either during a scene or after sex. these were the only times wolfgang would be gentle, moving shin like he was fragile and asking him if he was okay. this was just courteous— nothing beyond that. they may hate each other but they had both understood the importance of manners.
  4. shin and wolfgang weren’t making love— _nothing pathetic like that._ they were getting even. for every prank, for every inconvenience, for every issue the other caused— _that_ was the reason for their handsy behaviour. nothing else. they didn’t touch the other if they were not indebted. shin wouldn't grab wolfgang if wolfgang hadn’t staged an attack on alpha blue and shin wouldn't be pinned down if he didn’t set up some awful situation for alpha gold. there was a clockwork to their movements— waiting for the other to strike so they could be at the mercy of one another once more.



these rules were what held them together. it was their foundation and their backbone. the cornerstone of their relationship. without these rules— whatever it was that they had would make no sense. the rules were shin’s guidelines. the thing that kept him sane.

  
  
  
  
  
  


—

  
  


something wasn’t adding up. a small inconsistency in shin’s results as he logged the data and did the calculations. shin moved through his pages, working backwards as he followed where the error could have come from. he had his lab notes in one hand and his equations in the other. 

he tracked the numbers with his fingers, moving through the sheets until he reached the second page. a six instead of a three in the hundreds column— shin’s mind went blank. 

how?

_because if the mistake was this far at the start—_

shin felt his heart drop and he sat completely still. every calculation he had done from this point was useless because _the number was wrong._

  
  


—

  
  


shin had started the rewrite— moving painstakingly slow as he verified each equation and each number he put onto paper. he had nineteen pages of hand written equations he had to redo and he would not stop. couldn’t. he couldn’t afford to fall behind. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


three weeks had passed and exhaustion wasn’t enough to describe shin in this state. he was withering— darkness under his eyes and skin sickly grey. his blinks were slow and his breaths were barely there. 

sys had dragged shin into his room countless times—

_“shin, you need to rest,” he would say and shin would nod._

_when sys came to check up on him, he’d find the boy hunched over his desk writing ferociously and sys worried. worried because shin often got to this point— he would stop eating and stop sleeping. would worry at his lips and nails. at all times he wasn’t working, shin would feel guilty and when shin did work he would feel as if it wasn’t enough._

_he wouldn’t drink water unless it was out in front of him and all he’d do was right because—_

_“it has to be perfect,” shin told sys._

  
  


—

  
  


sys threw a jumper at shin, “we’re going out.”

shin pulled the jumper off his head and blinked slowly, “i can’t i have—“

“yeah, i know all about your work. for tonight— you don’t have work. come on.”

shin folded the jumper and placed it on the floor, “i can’t.”

sys made his way over to shin, spinning the boy around so he could face sys in all his determination. 

“shin soohyuk— you are going to put that jumper on and step outside this smelly room.”

“sys—“

“i have listened to your excuses for nearly two weeks now and i’ve been understanding. i’ve let you work and then work some more and _then work some more_ but this is getting ridiculous. you haven’t stepped outside. you’ve barely spoken to anyone. i don’t think you’ve _seen_ the sun—“

“sys, i have a lot to do i can’t just—“

“everyone’s worried, shin.”

and this time shin was listening, eyes dropping to the floor. 

“they would never say anything,” sys pressed on, “but they worry about you. we all do. you do so much for us but never look after yourself and it really hurts.”

shin felt another wave of guilt hit and he grazed his teeth on his bottom lip. 

“now, i’m not saying this to make you feel bad— i’m just telling you the truth. if you need motivation to look after yourself— we’ll give it to you,” sys put a gentle hand on shin’s shoulder, “we want to see you doing okay.”

sys bent down, picking up the jumper and holding it out for shin. 

shin fidgeted with the pen in his hand, stress creasing his brow before he exhaled shakily. 

“only for a little while, okay?” shin took the jumper from sys’ hands weakly. 

“okay,” sys smiled gratefully. 

  
  


—

shin stepped out of the car and recognised the familiar depennia beach. sys hooked his arm with shin’s and began walking him down the sandy path. 

“i hate the beach,” shin said. 

“i know.”

the air was cold tonight, wind crisp as the waves whipped and the sky overhead was grey— like it was going to rain. 

“who organised a beach bonfire in this weather,” shin muttered to himself. 

“who else?” sys snorted as they approached the big fire. 

there were clusters of people, walking around and sitting on the sand— shivering slightly but still enjoying their time. the alpha golds were standing close to the fire, stoking it and cheering as embers rose up and danced in the sky with each added log of wood.

shin saw randolph, chopping the wood roughly— with an axe— eyes ablaze and furious. then shin’s eyes drifted onto wolfgang who was next to his brother, picking up the logs and throwing them in the fire with an easy smile. 

wolfgang had a red hawaiian shirt on— cream coloured short on. randolph was in a matching black hawaiian shirt with black shorts. shin could only imagine it was wolfgang’s idea to coordinate outfits and _apparently they didn’t feel the cold._

“alpha golds?” shin concluded. 

“they’re idiots but this is a nice little gathering,” sys noted, looking momentarily at the sky, “until the weather fucks it up. we don’t even need to ruin this one for them. they set themselves up.”

shin nodded, glancing at wolfgang again. it had been three weeks since they’d spoken. shin had locked himself in his room and dutifully ignored any human contact. even the messages from wolfgang (although his hands would itch to pick it up). 

“gonna go terrorise my favourite gold,” sys said as he left shin’s side and skipped over to randolph. 

randolph’s face momentarily elevated upon seeing sys, then darkened again as the pink-haired boy clung onto randolph’s arm. 

shin wrapped his arms around himself, watching their exchange as sys smiled broadly and randolph tried to look grumpy. 

(it didn’t fool anyone).

the sky was darkening, shin looked up to try and see the sun but the clouds were covering the sky so tightly he wasn’t sure where it was. 

“alpha blue!” a voice called from across the fire and shin was looking over. shin couldn’t remember the name of the boy but was certain he was an alpha gold— “enjoy your swim in the lake the other day?”

shin recalled the prank from weeks ago and sighed, “it was refreshing,” shin responded evenly. “how was getting rescued from the second floor like a damsel?”

the boy scowled as some more of his friends gathered around, “shut the hell up.”

shin felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him and his ears began ringing— his brain felt numb as he staggered back slightly. shin noted in the back of his head that the boys were throwing around some more snide remarks but shin couldn’t hear a thing. he shook his head slightly, wrapping his arms tighter around himself as he blinked the dizziness away, black spots fading from his vision.

“nothing to say? go figure— the nerd has no smartass comment to make. what a little bitch boy,” shin heard the words ring as he came back to reality. 

“hey,” shin heard sys calling out, “you guys were literally carried in the arms of big firefighters— to call you a little bitch would be an honour.”

the boys were making their way towards sys now and—

“oi! this is a fucking beach bonanza, arguabley the happiest place on earth, what the hell has you boys riled up?” wolfgang stepped in between the two parties. 

“wolf, we’re just joking around.”

“then make your jokes funny,” wolfgang threw a log to the boy at the front of the group and he caught it, “be useful. look after the fire.”

shin watched as the boys grumbled and wolfgang slapped one of them on the back of the head. he made a teasing remark and the boys frowns were twisting into smiles. shin’s eyes widened slightly in awe because just like that the tension was easing. 

_just like that._

wolfgang glanced up at shin, smile softening and eyes curious. 

_hello_. 

it was a secret greeting to shin. the smaller raised his hand slowly in acknowledgment and then dropped it before anyone could see. 

wolfgang’s eyes were furrowing slightly, head tilting as he looked at shin. the smile slipped off his face and there was a certain press to his lips that shin identified as— 

an alpha gold was thumping wolfgang on his back, startling the blonde out of his trance. wolfgang glanced back at shin like he wanted to say something, mouth opening but shin looked away. 

the sky was dark now, sun set and gone as the night pulled over the sky. 

shin shivered, moving closer to the bonfire and holding his hands out. he looked up at the sky, looking at the stars momentarily. shin’s eyes followed the stars to where the sky met the sea. it was so dark— shin squinted trying to make something of the ocean but with a sigh turned back to the fire. 

shin noticed there were people gathering around the fire, huddling together for warmth. shin remembered he was at a party. away from his work. with people, who didn’t have anything do with his work. with nothing to do. he was doing _nothing._

the familiar guilt began swirling in shin’s stomach. 

he sighed, pulling his jumper over his hands. he turned away from the fire and began walking down the beach. his body instantly missed the warmth but he ignored it, crossing his arms over his chest. he watched his feet kick up the sand, the world dark and gloomy with the clouds covering the moon. 

his thoughts, like the clouds— were smothering. like the sky, grey. shin felt the familiar feeling of uselessness seep into him. he thought of how when the night came to an end, he would need to drag his feet into his room and sit over his desk and work until his fingers bleed. thought about how much lost time he had to make up for. 

shin felt a headache coming on— the icy air digging into his temples and right between his brows. he reached up to put a hand on his head as he felt a wave of dizziness wash over him. shin’s feet stumbled slightly, breath heavy as he felt his knees give out. 

“hey!” arms were wrapping around his midriff, pulling him in as shin fell. 

shin felt his world go black momentarily, aware of his body moving and then of nothing at all. when he opened his eyes briefly, he heard a familiar voice call, “soohyuk? hey, soohyuk— can you hear me?” shin forced his eyes open, world spinning. even in the darkness and his disorientation— his head registered _—wolfgang,_ peering down at him. 

wolfgang had dropped to the floor, cradling shin in his arms as the smaller lay limply. 

shin felt ill, stomach churning and bubbling. he felt cold. his eyes pulled shut. 

“hey, soohyuk, are you okay?” the question sounded desperately sincere— without a hint of ulterior motive. it sounded genuine. 

shin opened his eyes again, letting his world slow down and stop tilting as he took in a shuddering breath. _that was terrifying_ , shin decided. that was terrifying and shin suddenly didn’t feel in control anymore. _was he ever really in control_? 

he lifted a hand to wolfgang’s shoulder, trying to pull himself to sit up straight. his arms were too weak. 

wolfgang gently moved him, arms lifting shin into a sitting position. 

“you scared the hell out of me,” wolfgang whispered and shin thought back to the rules and whether this would be considered _tender_. “i thought you were… have you been sleeping? eating? you look terrible.”

“wow, thanks,” shin mumbled sarcastically, hands pushing wolfgang away as he tried to stand. he failed miserably, toppling forwards and wolfgang was pulling shin back into his arms. 

“soohyuk, no. just give yourself a minute.”

shin ignored him, pushing his arms away again, “no thank you.”

wolfgang was persistent, arms tightening around shin as the smaller tried to wiggle out of wolfgang’s arms. 

“no,” wolfgang said. 

“let go of me, asshole.”

“no,” wolfgang buried his face in shin’s neck. 

“this is harassment.”

shin regretted the words as he felt wolfgang’s body sag, saw the blonde’s eyes look sad above him. “sorry i… it’s just that...soohyuk, you are a hazard to yourself,” wolfgang said quietly. shin didn’t say anything, just watched as wolfgang arms left shin and his fingers fiddled. 

“what do you want?” shin surprised himself again. (surprised himself that he cared.)

wolfgang opened his mouth, “until i know you’re not going to pass out, just let me hold you here. please? give it another three minutes and i promise— i’ll let you go.”

shin didn’t like that look on wolfgang. the one where his face pulled down innocently and his eyes widened apologetically. 

shin felt his resolve crumble. 

he sighed, stilling in wolfgang’s lap. because wolfgang was _persistent_ and shin was exhausted. the smaller let himself lean into wolfgang’s warmth, a breath leaving his lips. wolfgang’s hands hovered in the air as he watched shin move himself closer to the blonde. another moment passed and wolfgang exhaled quietly. 

“wow… you’re actually listening to me. you must be worse than i thought,” wolfgang responded in awe, hands carefully curling around shin once more. 

shin just mumbled and inhaled deeply, letting wolfgang warm shin up. 

shin decided this wasn’t against the rules because there was nothing tender about this. wolfgang was convinced shin was going to die. they may _hate_ each other but death was too easy of a way out for them. so _not letting each other die was another one of their common courtesies_. 

(that reasoning made sense, right?)

a few seconds later and shin heard wolfgang say, “i don’t have a watch on me… tell me when three minutes have passed.”

shin didn’t respond, just kept his eyes closed.

half an hour later, shin was moving in wolfgang’s arms. he hadn’t fallen asleep, but it was the closest thing to resting shin had done the whole week and he felt a fraction of his energy come back to him. 

he opened his eyes, shifting around and wolfgang stirred above him, arms loosening around shin’s waist. 

“do you want to talk about it?”

shin didn’t say anything. 

“soohyuk, have you been talking to anyone?” wolfgang asked and shin was pushing wolfgang’s arms off. 

“therapist? parents? friends? hell, even sys?” wolfgang sounded exasperated as he watched shin stand, swaying slightly but steadying. 

“there’s nothing to talk about,” shin responded flatly, continuing his walk down the beach. 

wolfgang was standing, brushing the sand off his shorts and jogging up to shin. the weather had gotten colder, promise of a downpour lingering. 

“nothing to talk about? you collapsed,” wolfgang said, keeping in stride with shin. 

“wolfgang— you said three minutes and you’d leave.”

“no. i said three minutes and i’d let go,” wolfgang moved in front of shin, forcing the smaller to stop. “i never said i’d leave.”

“why does it matter?” shin huffed, hand rubbing against his temple. 

“ _why does it matter?_ ” wolfgang echoed, outraged. “it matters because you’re literally… soohyuk, you talk like you don’t care what happens to you—“

“and what, you do?” shin spat, he felt an unexplainable anger take hold of him. 

he wanted to push wolfgang— shove him deep into the ocean. he wanted to slap him, yell at him, shout— _because none of this made sense._

“it’s… it’s one thing to not care, it’s another to sit and watch as you self-destruct. we can feel the way we do about each other — but i don’t want to see you like _this_.”

shin bit his tongue. _it’s one thing not to care._ the words played on his mind— another reminder of what they meant to each other _._

“right, so it shouldn’t matter what happens— as long as you win, right?”

wolfgang groaned in frustration, “soohyuk—“

“just leave me alone—“

“you’re not even listening—“

“what’s the point? we both know what we are and this isn’t a conversation people like us have.”

“what type of conversations do _people like us_ have? what is it exactly that we are?” wolfgang stepped closer, eyes narrowing. “do you have a word for it?”

shin opened his mouth, hesitating. he thought for a moment, “rivals,” he finally said. 

wolfgang nodded slowly, a dark look in his eyes. “right— and how many rivals do you know who are like us? who touch each other the way we do? who _fuck—“_

there was thunder crackling overhead, rumbling through the sky and sizzling the air. neither of them flinched. 

“what is it that you want?” shin stepped closer to wolfgang, anger making him brave. 

“the truth would be nice. a little bit of honesty once in a while.”

“you want the truth?” shin’s tone held every wicked emotion and pent up feeling dragged up from his sleep-deprived mind, “here’s the truth. i _hate_ you.”

lightning splintered the sky, illuminating both their faces as rain began spitting down. shin felt the words leave his lips like he was on autopilot— motions following what was familiar. wolfgang stood still, a statue as the rain began pouring down. 

wolfgang only opened his mouth once the both of them were drenched from head to toe, “do you?” the blonde said, words nearly taken by the rain and the wind. 

but shin heard them, and felt his heart pull and he didn’t know what that feeling meant. he didn’t respond, opting to glare back at wolfgang because _that’s all he knew._

and shin would never say what he really thought— the truth that nagged him about whether his anger was really anger or just an overflow of something deeper and scarier. 

they said nothing, shin’s vision blurry as the rain coated his glasses and ran into his eyes. wolfgang wordlessly held out a hand and shin glanced at it. shin looked back up at wolfgang and saw the way his gaze was molten— burning hot through the shivering chill of the air. 

shin didn’t know what it meant. didn’t know what was the logical step from here. he knew taking wolfgang’s hand _wasn’t_ the right option. after an admission like that, shin thought _turning away is what he should probably do._

it’s what he wanted to do. it’s what he wished he had the capacity to do. 

instead, shin found his hand reaching out for wolfgang’s— the blonde taking the smaller’s wrist and tugging. shin followed. 

through the rain, they staggered— wind pushing them around and fighting against them, telling them to turn back. they didn’t listen. 

wolfgang had an arm around shin’s waist as they climbed up through the beach access steps, shin nearly being blow away if it weren’t for the blonde’s secure hold on him. shin saw they were in an isolated car park. 

shin felt wolfgang spin him around— pressing the smaller firmly into the back door of the blonde’s car. 

wolfgang stepped closer, “yes or no?”

shin took a breath in, water trickling into his mouth as he opened it to respond, “yes,” he heard himself say and wolfgang was pressing his hips against shin. 

“you know i’m not going to go easy on you, right? you don’t go easy on yourself— so why should i?”

shin felt his mind reel, his throat was tightening as he felt wolfgang’s hands grip shin’s wrists. 

shin nodded slowly.

“words.”

“y-yeah, i know.”

“you remember the word?”

shin nodded again, “yeah. yes.”

“good. let’s give you a few more reasons to hate me, soohyuk.”

  
  


—

  
  


wolfgang pushed shin down onto the leather of the backseat. shin’s jumper— drenched and heavy— was pulled over his head and thrown onto the floor. shin felt his skin stick to the seats, shivering as the cold bit into him. the sound of the rain thundered on the roof of the car, streaking the windows and shielding them from the world. wolfgang scraped his teeth down shin’s neck, digging into shin’s collarbone and shin clawed his nails at the leather. 

wolfgang reached behind himself, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head. shin didn’t miss the way the water clung to his muscles— eagerly licking at each groove of wolfgang’s body. 

shin swallowed as he felt his pants get tighter. 

a flash of lightening illuminated the car and wolfgang was walking his arms over shin’s body, dropping his chest low enough to press against shin’s and the smaller felt his world zero in on wolfgang. 

the car was dark once more, sounds of their breaths filling the air and shin could make out the outlines of wolfgang. 

wolfgang dropped his hips against shin’s clothed crotch, pressing their bodies together and shin held his breath— eyes glazing over as wolfgang dragged his hips up. 

“what was that thing you said?” wolfgang’s breath hit shin’s face, unbuttoning shin’s jeans and unzipping them, “rivals?”

wolfgang was lifting shin’s legs and hooking them over his shoulders, moving down so his face was aligned with shin’s crotch. shin’s lower back was lifted off the seat— shin’s fingers scraping along the seat below him. 

“competition, right? that’s what this is. a competition,” wolfgang’s breath was hot over shin’s briefs, shin’s thighs quivering at the feeling of wolfgang between his legs, anticipation numbing his mind. 

shin couldn’t say a word, head already spinning. 

“if it’s a competition you want, it’s a competition you’ll get. i’ll give you ten minutes. if you can hold yourself back for that time— i’ll go easy on you, give you exactly what you want. if you _can’t_ — if you lose control— i take everything. you can cry and scream but we only stop when _i_ say to stop. _i’ll be in control.”_

shin let out a choked noise as wolfgang pulled shin’s legs higher over his broad shoulders. 

“yes or no, soohyuk?”

it was a game they had played time and time before, and wolfgang had the winning streak. 

“y-yes,” shin’s voice was breathy— distant. 

“good.”

wolfgang was dragging his tongue against the outline of shin’s dick, saliva dampening the material of his briefs and shin was inhaling sharply, hips twitching. 

wolfgang mouthed along shin’s length, lips parted and hot against shin’s member and shin was panting. shin felt himself hardening rapidly, sensitive as wolfgang’s fingers held down shin’s thighs. 

shin’s hips bucked slightly, wolfgang’s hands instantly tightening around shin’s waist, stilling the smaller’s movements. 

wolfgang dipped a finger below shin’s waistband, pulling the elastic back and letting it snap against shin’s skin. shin quivered, whimper escaping him as wolfgang ran his teeth along shin’s bulge. 

“not looking good, soohyuk. you’re already this riled up and it’s only been three minutes.”

shin clamped down on his response as wolfgang pulled shin’s briefs down, freeing his member. the cold air had shin recoiling, stomach quivering as wolfgang pressed his teeth into shin’s slit—

shin let out a cry, baring his neck as the pain seared through him. wolfgang’s tongue instantly lapped out, soothing and laving— shin thrashing in the seat. 

“wolfgang—“ shin choked out, unsure of what he wanted. 

wolfgang kept going, let his mouth drop open and take shin in until the blonde gagged. he didn’t stop until shin was fitted in his mouth, cheeks hollowed and eyes staring shin down. shin was at wolfgang’s mercy, breath shallow as he stared back at wolfgang helplessly. those golden eyes held the same dare— _you think you can win this?_

both of them knew the truth as wolfgang’s lips suctioned and dragged back up shin’s length and the smaller was trembling— letting out short flurries of noises at the slow movement. 

five minutes. that was the time it took for wolfgang to drive shin to tipping point. when shin had gasped, canting his hips into wolfgang’s mouth— wolfgang had pulled off, hand tightening firmly around shin’s length as the smaller trembled helplessly—pleasure denied. shin let out a choked noise, fingers scratching along the leather as his chest contracted. 

a few moments passed, and wolfgang took shin into his mouth once more, hands hitching shin’s legs higher over his shoulder. shin let out a string of pleas and wolfgang only bobbed his head eagerly, taking everything until shin was whining and pressing his hands into the blonde’s hair. 

“w-wolfgang,” shin’s features were quivering, lips twitching as the pleasure blurred into his mind and it was all too much. 

wolfgang pulled back and shin gasped. his member twitched helplessly, a soundcurling from the bottom of his chest as wolfgang soothed a hand up shin’s thigh. 

shin felt his muscles tremble— eyes closed as he exhaled shakily. 

the serenity was short lived, a hand curling around shin’s member and he let out a whine. shin’s eyes opened, hand reaching down to grab wolfgang’s wrist. 

“don’t tease,“ shin gasped. 

“you remember the rules, don’t you, soohyuk?” wolfgang was merciless, hand moving up and down as shin’s body shook under the attention. 

and shin did remember— remembered what the deal was, remembered that wolfgang was his rival and that shin lost. 

wolfgang was in control. 

shin’s hand tightened around wolfgang’s wrist as he began pumping shin again. 

“i like seeing you come unravelled because of me. squirming and soft,” wolfgang said conversationally, watching shin pant helplessly, “but you’ve been a pain recently, soohyuk.” 

“you don’t listen to a word i say,” wolfgang continued. shin let out a grazed sound as wolfgang’s hand moved faster, “so i’m gonna’ make you beg for it. gonna’ make you whine and squirm until the only thing you can think of is me. show you what it feels like when i don’t listen to a word _you_ say.”

shin’s dick twitched in wolfgang’s hold and he sobbed, holding onto wolfgang’s wrist uselessly as wolfgang pressed his lips against shin’s ear. 

“go on. say my name like you hate me. make me believe it.”

“wolfgang, please,” shin whimpered and he didn’t know what he was asking for, pleasure so sharp it had shin trying to flinch away from wolfgang’s touch. 

wolfgang’s breath was hot against shin’s lobe. shin felt it heavy and thick and it made shin wonder— did wolfgang feel hot and sticky? did shin underneath him make wolfgang feel as good as when the blonde was on top of him. the thought had shin squeezing his eyes shut, back arching off the bed—

_did wolfgang find pleasure in ruining shin?_

“there we go, soohyuk. feels good, doesn’t it?” the words licked up shin’s spine and he was fully hard, stray arm latching onto wolfgang as he leaned up towards his warmth. 

shin let out a whine, “wolfgang,” he was saying again— the only thought through his head. 

“yeah? what is it?”

shin didn’t have the words, face just burying into wolfgang’s neck as his chest heaved. shin felt the signs of his release, stomach quivering and body tightening and wolfgang’s hand was stopping— gripping at shin’s length once more. 

the pleasure halted, shin’s head falling forwards as his mouth hung open and a cry left his lips. 

“t—that’s not fair.“

the blonde was sitting back, shin fighting the whine that rose in his chest as the blonde moved away from him. shin missed the feeling (his heart felt like it was cracking). wolfgang lifted shin’s hips. 

“not fair? soohyuk, we’ve only just begun.”

without another word, wolfgang was pressing his tongue into shin’s entrance— delving deep and with a hunger that had shin twisting in wolfgang’s hold. 

it was messy, spit easing the glide and shin was stuttering out moans, high and drawn out. one of his hands dug into the seat while the other reaches out for wolfgang, fingers tangling into his blonde hair. 

it was torture. and it was exhilarating. 

—

  
  


what felt like hours of wolfgang’s hands and tongue pressing against shin left the smaller so mindless and desperate, shin didn’t have a single thought beside his need for salvation. 

there were no nicknames this time, just _soohyuk_ and it felt like that was the real punishment. 

wolfgang had edged every thought out of shin’s mind— exhaustion layering with the pleasure and shin was sure he would burst. shin was convinced that the feeling would push through his skin and shrivel him up and make him pool and powder in wolfgang’s fingers. 

wolfgang didn’t let up— keeping shin’s pleasure out of reach of the smaller— pulling him up only to keep him there and at the blonde’s mercy— the smaller begging to come back down to earth. 

wolfgang let go of shin’s length before release once more. he watched shin let out cry, heaving breaths wracking his body. shin was burning. it felt terrible in the best way and shin really was losing his mind. 

a gentle hand was taking shin’s face, thumb soothing at the skin. 

“you okay?” wolfgang asked, fingers brushing along shin’s jaw. 

shin thought for a moment, slowly shaking his head. he was going insane. 

“you want me to stop?” wolfgang asked and once again, shin shook his head. 

he just _wanted some relief._

a shaky breath in and shin swallowed thickly. 

“okay,” wolfgang said, nose against shin’s temple. he pulled back, “be good and i’ll finish you on my tongue,” wolfgang’s voice was rough, not breaking the scene but pausing the moment so shin could breathe. 

shin thought for a moment, heart hammering in his chest as he slowly shook his head again. shin’s fingers were grabbing at wolfgang’s belt loops feebly, attempting to tug him forward. 

“want…. want you inside of me,” shin’s voice was hoarse from crying, soft and yearning. 

wolfgang was leaning back slightly to look at shin, unreadable expression on his face. 

“i… i can beg?” shin’s voice was quiet, “please, i-i’ll beg for you. i just… please, wolfgang. i… i need…” tears lined shin’s eyes as he felt his words tighten his throat. 

he didn’t know how much meaner wolfgang could get, didn’t know how far the blonde would push him and—

wolfgang’s eyes were soft. the blonde looked like he wanted to kiss shin, to ravish the smaller until he was breathless and moaning. or maybe that was what shin wanted.

everything got confusing in these moments— when shin’s common sense went out the window and it was just wolfgang, shin and a car in the pouring rain. 

shin didn’t know a thing beyond wolfgang when he was strung high and riding whatever pleasure the blonde chose to gave him. 

“please…?” shin said as the exhaustion caught up with him. he was tired— mentally, physicall and emotionally drained. utterly depleted. he felt the last of his resolve break when the silent tears slid down his face and he didn’t have the strength to bring a hand to cover it. 

these tears were different, not from simply being overwhelmed— but being crushed. it was because he’d reached his end. 

he felt vulnerable, exposed and crying without the shield of his hands and shin couldn’t tell if he wanted to disappear or to fly. he felt weightless— but was it floating or evaporating. 

wolfgang leaned in with purpose, pressing his forehead against shin’s as the blonde exhaled shakily—

“you’re killing me, soohyuk.”

wolfgang leaned in. a kiss on shin’s cheek, then the corner of his eyes and a hand pushing shin’s sweaty hair out of his face. the warmth made shin hiccup— eyes closing and a sigh leaving his lips as he breathed in slowly. 

shin pressed his forehead back against wolfgang, gently rubbing them together as he closed his eyes. he felt his chest glow, wolfgang’s words grounding shin— comforting him. because maybe wolfgang felt dizzy and out of place with shin, the same way shin felt with wolfgang. just maybe. a consideration he’d only let himself make when he could make excuses— when he was desperate for anything. 

“do you want to beg?” wolfgang asked softly, looking down at shin in a way that made the smaller feel safe. 

shin closed his eyes, “i’m not sure.”

“do you want me to be mean?”

shin shook his head, “i’m not sure.”

“what do you want?”

shin’s eyes opened heavily, fingers tugging weakly at wolfgang’s belt loops once more and the blonde pulled back to look down at shin’s hand. 

“okay,” wolfgang said as he moved forward, knees on the either side of shin. 

the car was dim, rain pouring as the thunder slowed and rumbled distantly. shin was reaching up, hand running up the blonde’s thigh. despite the darkness, shin could make out the silhouette of wolfgang— watched the way wolfgang’s neck leaned back as shin’s hand brushed the juncture of wolfgang’s thigh and crotch area. 

shin ran his fingers across, cupping wolfgang’s bulge and this time, shin watched wolfgang’s throat bob as he swallowed and shin felt his dick twitch. 

shin’s stubbornness had whittled and left him honest. if he had a semblance of control— he’d demand. he’d say what he wanted was to talk back and tease. shin knew that what he _needed,_ was to be held down by wolfgang as he broke shin into a million pieces until shin drenched the leather with tears, sweat and pleasure. 

shin could feel his mouth water as he gently massaged wolfgang’s crotch, hearing a soft sigh leave the blonde’s lips and—

“wolfgang,” shin couldn’t help the soft whine in his tone

“you can’t seem to get my name out of your mouth, can you?” wolfgang asked delicately. 

and shin was looking up at wolfgang, “remind me why i keep saying that name. please,” a request from shin. 

wolfgang lifted a hand, let it gently rest on shin’s neck— testing the waters. when shin stared back earnestly, wolfgang pressed his fingers in, watching shin carefully. shin nodded, short and brief, but wolfgang understood. 

“okay,” wolfgang said softly, pressing his forehead against shin’s once more before pulling back. his eyes were dark now, losing all light as he opened his mouth, “okay,” he said sinisterly. 

wolfgang’s hand was curling around shin’s wrist, holding the smaller’s palm against the blonde’s crotch as he bucked his hips forward. 

shin watched as wolfgang moved his hips, mesmerised. the movement was fluid and practised— the memory of those hips working into shin drying the smaller’s mouth and shortening his breath. 

“can…” shin found himself saying, swallowing as embarrassment flushed his cheeks. “can i…?”

shin reached for wolfgang’s zipper, face looking up at wolfgang as he let the question float in the air. 

“you think you deserve it?” wolfgang’s words made shin’s dick stir in his pants. it was what wolfgang asked for but it always made shin squirm— feel small and like nothing while somehow making him feel on top of the world. 

shin’s fingers curled around the zipper, swallowing as he turned his head away from wolfgang. 

“i…” shin managed to say before wolfgang was grabbing him by the chin. “i… i want to…”

“go on, then. show me how much you want it.”

shin opened his mouth, taking a shuddering breath in and wolfgang leaned in (almost as if they were going to kiss). the blonde’s head dipped as wolfgang mouthed at shin’s neck. 

shin’s hand pulled down the zipper, fumbling with the button as wolfgang sucked marks into shin’s skin. shin let out a soft gasp at the feeling, pulling wolfgang's underwear down so his dick could be freed. 

wolfgang hissed when shin’s cold hand took the length into his hands, fingers circling around the base. 

“i’ll give you what you want if you behave,” wolfgang pressed a hand against shin’s chest, thumb grazing over the groove of shin’s ribs.

shin arched into the touch, mind playing wolfgang’s words on repeat.

_if he behaved. if he was good._

if shin was good he wouldn’t get what he wanted. 

he would get what he _needed_. 

  
  


—

  
  


shin’s face pressed against the leather as an escape— the cool material the only thing keeping him grounded as his body burned a violent red. 

“lost all fight, haven’t you, soohyuk? lost all control.”

shin buried his face into the leather, masking the whine that slipped from his lips. 

“you feel so good, soohyuk,” wolfgang praised, hips drawing out long, hard strokes into shin and the smaller whined in response. 

“i-i won’t last long—“ shin’s voice cut off at a particularly sharp thrust, voice keening and hips desperately bucking back onto wolfgang’s length. 

“feel good right there, baby?” the nickname slipped off wolfgang’s tongue and shin moaned aloud, hands reaching back to grab wolfgang’s arm.

 _baby._ not soohyuk, but _baby._

shin managed to nod shakily, mind swirling. 

wolfgang was pulling shin up, his back meeting wolfgang’s chest and the blonde was reaching around to grab shin’s dick. shin’s fingers curled into wolfgang’s wrist as he began moving his hand over shin’s length, rubbing at his tip—

shin was at breaking point— couldn’t handle one more misdirect—

“wolfgang—“ his words stuttered as wolfgang pulled out slowly, “wolfgang, please i—“ a high whine as the blonde thrusted back in. “wolfgang, don’t tease— please don’t tease. please, please, please—“

shin’s begs were drowned out by his gasps, increasing in volume as wolfgang plowed into shin— hips persistent. his hand worked shin in tandem with the thrusts— pleasure building and curling. 

the stress of disappointment clouded shin’s mind— the threat of another time where wolfgang could simply take it all away, lingering. 

wolfgang’s lips were against the back of shin’s ears, breath hot as wolfgang hushed shin.

“it’s okay, i’ve got you. you’ve been so good for me,” wolfgang pressed his nose at shin’s temple. “baby, come for me.”

the tension unfurled as the air rushed out of shin’s lungs. a silent lurch of shin’s body and the smaller was cumming, fingers gripping into wolfgang’s arms as wolfgang pushed shin through, hands and thrusts slowing to elevate the pleasure thrumming through shin’s body until there were spots in the smaller’s vision and his world turned black. 

when shin was coming back down— a string of ragged gasps and shaky breaths rushed passed his lips.

“i’m—,” wolfgang was spilling into shin, thrusts firm and pulling shin’s hips back against his body roughly until the both were panting and breathless. 

wolfgang draped his body over shin, resting his head on shin’s upper back as he breathed heavily. 

they stayed like that— wolfgang buried in shin, both exhausted. 

through deep breaths, wolfgang was running a hand up shin’s spine, “good?” wolfgang panted, “are you alright, soohyuk?”

shin’s body was lax, unable to move a limb and so he lay there, breath still harsh and unforgiving in his chest and throat. 

wolfgang willed himself up, flipping shin into his back so that the smaller was facing the blonde, letting his chest take in more air in this position. 

“soohyuk?” wolfgang’s breath still short, hand reaching to brush the hair out of shin’s face, “soohyuk, are you okay?”

shin’s chest only tightened, face warming as tears lined his eyes—

wolfgang’s hands were instantly on shin, gently lifting him up into a sitting position— pulling the smaller onto his lap. 

“hey, soohyuk. you’re okay. just— just breathe for me.”

shin’s body couldn’t hold himself up as he crumpled forwards, he felt sick and tired and everything was so wrong. the guilt was terrible and weighing him down and—

“wolfgang, i...i’m sorry,” shin whispered and he didn’t know what he was sorry for, just knew that’s how he felt and wolfgang was pulling back, eyes wide as he looked down at shin. 

“soohyuk, what happened? talk to me,” wolfgang’s voice was concerned and shin felt his heart thundering in his head. 

shin’s mind was chaos— a raging fire and thundering because everything was swirling and his chest kept tightening—

“soohyuk,” wolfgang called again and shin’s hands were gripping onto the blonde’s muscles, trying to ground himself. 

shin felt like he was going to die—

wolfgang leaned in, lips plush against shin’s as he whispered, “breathe with me shin, just breathe. you can do that. you do it all the time. you know how to do it. just follow me.”

wolfgang’s lips moved against shin’s as the blonde took a breath in and shin felt the air move between their lips— the blonde exhaled and the breath flushed against shin’s mouth. 

the smaller parted his lips as wolfgang breathed in and shin panicked— pressing his lips against wolfgang’s. shin didn’t know what else to do, everything so unfamiliar— yet, wolfgang’s lips were a constant. 

after a moment, wolfgang was kissing back— pressing his lips firmly against shin’s. wolfgang took shin’s face in his hands and breathed in again against shin’s lips. this time shin copied, trying to pull air into his lungs. his breath faltered, panic swirling again as he felt his world crumble and — wolfgang pressed another kiss against his lips— rebooting shin.

they went like this, testing out each breath and everytime shin fell short, wolfgang would kiss him— soft and inconspicuous. _gentle._ wolfgang would then pull away and breathe in again and shin would follow. 

eventually shin’s breaths returned to him, less kissing and more air as shin closed his eyes and caught his breath against wolfgang’s lips. 

“easy does it, soohyuk,” wolfgang’s hand soothed up and down shin’s back as the smaller trembled, “take it easy.”

shin nodded mindlessly, _easy._ it was easy like this against wolfgang’s lips.

minutes passed as they held onto each other, shin’s head resting on wolfgang’s shoulders as shin cherished each breath. 

“are you okay?” wolfgang’s voice was soft.

shin didn’t respond for a moment. _was he okay?_ he had the hardest orgasm of his life, a panic attack, broke down in front of his biggest rival and then did breathing exercises with said rival. 

_was he fucking okay?_

“was…” wolfgang’s fingers gently pressed into shin’s skin, “was it me? was i too much? did i scare you or—“

“no, no it wasn’t you,” shin rushed out, and if shin was certain about one thing, it was that wolfgang had done no wrongs. only rights. 

“talk to me, soohyuk. just… are you okay?” wolfgang asked. the question was heavy, not a simple curiosity of shin’s current condition— but one that wanted to pry into shin’s mind—see what was going on in there. 

shin didn’t say anything for a moment, still curled in wolfgang’s lap, “i don’t know,” he finally said. 

wolfgang didn’t say anything and shin took it as a chance to sigh and continue, “i thought i was. i thought i was doing what i needed to and putting in the time and effort. i thought i was being a good student. that’s all i ever want so i thought i was doing well. i thought i was good. _i thought i had things in control._ ”

shin felt tears line his eyes. it wasn’t the hysteric kind— just every feeling he had felt in the last two hours looming over him, kind. it felt like defeat. 

“i…” shin whispered, head still on wolfgang’s shoulder, “y-you were good… you were _kind_ and… i... i was a pain _— i’m sorry_.”

“shin—“

“i—i know i can be cold and i _know_ i don’t look after myself. _i know._ and i’m sorry—“ shin let out a soft sob, hand reaching up to cover his mouth, “sorry— _i’m sorry_. i— i feel like i just let everyone down. i—i either have work incomplete or i’m doing my work and everyone around me is worried i—i don’t know what to do. i shut down and the world feels like it’s ending. i don’t know, anymore. i just— don’t. i— i keep disappointing people.”

shin pressed his fingers into his eyes, trying to hold back his tears as his body trembled in wolfgang’s hold. the blonde slowly wrapped his arms around shin, pulling the smaller closer into his body. wolfgang tucked his face into shin’s neck. 

“you haven’t disappointed anyone, soohyuk,” wolfgang’s voice was honest. it made shin cry harder. “you haven’t disappointed a soul. no one’s mad at you— upset? maybe. but i think that’s justified, don’t you?” wolfgang’s hand reached up to hold shin by the nape of the neck, “they’re upset because they’re watching someone they care about break in front of them. it’s terrifying. they want to see you okay and well.”

shin didn’t know what to say, tears running down his face as he rested his head on wolfgang’s shoulder. the blonde gently massage the tension away from shin’s neck. 

wolfgang held shin as the smaller sobbed. held shin as the smaller’s breaths came heavy. held shin as the smaller sniffled and caught his breath again. wolfgang held shin through it all. shin was taking deep breaths again, soft sniffs as he pressed his cheek against wolfgang’s shoulder and closed his eyes. 

they breathed each other in for a moment. 

“having things in control is overrated, soohyuk,” wolfgang said, softly pressing into shin’s skin with his fingers. “if we knew everything that would happen in life, it would be boring.”

“truth be told—“ wolfgang started, “i hope there’s a day where you stop living to not disappoint, and start living for moments to shine,” wolfgang let his fingers run through shin’s hair, “because that’s what you’re good at, soohyuk. shining. you’re golden.”

and shin felt like he was being held by the sun— it was warm and it was bright. it was soothing and it melted every doubt in shin’s mind just for a moment.

 _golden._ it was funny that wolfgang used the word that described himself the best. 

“besides,” wolfgang whispered, “you don’t need to say sorry to me. you hate me, remember? you don’t need to say sorry to anyone, least of all me. no more apologising, soohyuk.”

the words pressed shin and it felt like it locked him in place— contained whatever way his heart stuttered around wolfgang. 

shin didn’t respond, just buried his face into wolfgang’s neck. 

  
  
  
  


_(wolfgang shifted both of them, the blonde’s back against the car door and shin curled up against him as every piece of the smaller lay still and eager to rest. shin’s mind still battled him— a typhoon of worries. the feeling ebbed away as wolfgang ran gentle fingers over shin’s brow._

_“don’t think, soohyuk,” wolfgang’s voice was the calm in the storm. shin felt the blonde trace his fingers down to shin’s fluttering lids— mapping over the curve of them. shin’s eyes shut at the request of wolfgang’s fingers._

_wolfgang held shin close, watching as the smaller’s eyes closed and the blonde was whispering, “just a while longer, soohyuk. lay down and breathe.”_

_shin mumbled a soft, “okay.”_

_“are you sure i wasn’t too much? i wasn’t too mean? because, you say the word and i’ll—“_

_“you are perfect.”_

_wolfgang tensed underneath shin at the words, hands freezing on shin’s arm as he felt the smaller shift once more. the blonde wondered briefly if he’d heard the words shin had said correctly._

_shin lay still, taking deep breaths._

_it was an indescribable feeling to shin— after all those days, a pull to simply close his eyes and rest._

_shin was too lost in sleep’s embrace to notice the way wolfgang looked down at him._

  
  


_the next time wolfgang checked up on shin, the smaller was snoring softly, a little bit of drool at the corner of his mouth. wolfgang’s smile was endeared, hand brushing against shin’s forehead and pushing the hair from his eyes._

  
  


_“goodnight.”)_

  
  
  
  
  
  


rules broken: ?/4

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> . nice.
> 
> yeah i tried really hard to make wolfgang as mean as possible but it just doesn't work


	4. i wouldn’t hesitate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wolfgang is not just demanding, he's a brat too.
> 
> (shin doesn't mind seem to mind.)

shin hated to admit it.

he really truly wasn’t one to enjoy being indebted to others.

however, when he walked back into his frat house at eleven in the morning the next day— sys took one look at him and said:

“i called you 23 times, texted you 104 times and you didn’t pick up. did whoever you sneak off with distract you _that_ well?”

shin’s only response was stumbling up the steps as his weak legs gave out underneath him. 

for the rest of the day, sys let shin rest— only dropping in to leave food and a stern lecture about how— “i never pry into your life but for _common courtesy,_ if nothing else, text me when you plan on getting dicked. just let me know you’re alive.”

and sys would leave and tell shin to _sleep right now, you wild thing._

and shin would turn over in bed, close his eyes and sleep. 

shin hated to admit it: but wolfgang had somehow rebooted him. 

it was like breaking him early so that shin could be put together before anything permanent happened and it worked. shin felt stress and every other emotion he had previously— but it was different. it was falling, but maybe for a second if shin felt like he could fly— it would be okay to hit the ground. 

after a day of rest, shin sat at his desk and worked. then went on a walk with sys (who described the audiobook he was listening to about serial killers and how he was disappointed no one had tried using stilletoes to kill). then, shin would sit by the lake and take out a book to read. he would return back to his table and grind through his work but he would also let himself rest. 

sometimes, shin would write out his feelings (sys’ recommendation), a journal of a sort to maintain the chaos in his head. this happened rarely and only when he ran out of distractions to keep him from hunkering over his table. 

whereas shin was usually very proficient, when it came to his journal, he was at a loss on what to write. most enteries included the date, location, weather and a rating of how shin felt in that moment based on a ten-point system that shin had created. 

(“you made expressing feelings into a science,” sys said. 

“thank you.”

“that really wasn’t a compliment.”)

shin wasn’t the _dear diary_ type— found the whole ordeal rather arbitrary that you wrote as if anyone was listening but yourself. maybe, shin should write _dear shin. he’s talking to himself after all, right?_ or maybe he should write them for someone who he would enjoy talking to about things like this. 

_dear sys_ works too. shin goes through the names in his head. _dear sys, dear mum, dear dad, dear wolfgang—_

 _dear wolfgang_. 

the name didn’t belong there— didn’t feel like it had a place in the list shin had created. an anomaly. the more shin thought about it, the stranger it was. 

and yet, the more shin thought about it— the more shin itched to write the words. 

_dear wolfgang—_

written neatly at the top of the page in black ink. shin hovered the pen over the next line underneath and felt his mind run blank. _what was it that he was doing?_

this was stupid— absurd even. there was nothing to write to the blonde and no reason shin should choose him out of all the far more valid and significant people in his life. 

and yet—

“shin! i can’t believe i’m saying this but… you remember your dinner, right?” sys leaned out of the front door. 

shin startled, closing his book and looking at his watch. 

_he was going to be late._

“darn,” shin muttered as he picked up his things and scuttled inside. 

“you are the only college student who says _darn_ unironically,” sys hummed as he watched shin frantically run up the stairs. 

“it’s a perfectly suitable expression of exasperation!” shin called from his room. 

—

“how do i look,” shin asked as he adjusted his tie. 

“peggable,” sys said, reaching over to pull down the bottom of shin’s navy blue jacket. 

“i was going for ‘respectable leader’.”

“yes, yes,” sys brushed imaginary dust off shin’s shoulders as he eyed the navy outfit carefully, “a very respectable leader who i would peg.”

“thank...you…?”

sys stepped back, “what has you so worked up about this anyways? it’s just a dinner. you’ve been to thousands before.”

“it’s a _frat leader_ dinner. and i’ve been to two.”

sys waved a hand dismissively, “ _same thing._ piece of cake.”

“the dean’s going to be there. i have to make a good impression while… _others,_ are in the room.”

sys made a sound of acknowledgment, “wolfgang?”

shin wordlessly pushed his glasses up higher. 

sys sighed, “look, there’s no way he can outshine you when it comes to this leader stuff.”

“trust me,” shin looked blankly at the mirror, “he _can_.”

  
  


—

the dinner had started five minutes ago and the room was filled with frat leaders. a few of them shin knewas aquaintinces. however, most of them were more the type shin simply nodded to when he passed. that being said— shin knew a great deal about most, if not all the people in the room, purely as a matter of interest. he liked knowing his competition. 

shin’s mind noted, that wolfgang was nowhere to be seen. (seriously, shut up.)

shin took a small sip from the glass of champagne in his hand. he was finishing a conversation with alpha red’s leader when he noticed the dean making her way towards him. 

shin took a deep breath in, wiping his free, sweaty hand on his slacks. he flashed a practised smile. 

“dean, hello,” shin said, “it’s a pleasure to meet you again—“ as shin outstretched a hand a loud _bang_ startled him to turn around. 

lo and behold, walking through the front doors like he had all the time in the world, was; wolfgang. his tan suit hugged him in a way that made everything about him slimmer yet bigger. his shoulders broad, waist small and tucked and legs—

wolfgang raised a brow at shin. the smaller was staring and they both knew it. the blonde only stopped sauntering when he was standing in front of shin, secretive sort of smile on his lips that seemed sincere. the blonde winked at shin and _fuck this guy, honestly._ shin opened his mouth to say something but wolfgang was turning away from him. 

“dean, what a pleasure,” wolfgang smiled wide as he held out a hand and the dean’s face lit up as she shook hands with the blonde. 

“my, my! wolfgang! you sure know how to make an entrance,” the dean laughed lightly. 

“sorry about the tardiness, i was finishing up some work at the local shelter,” wolfgang said and the dean gave an understanding nod. 

“don’t ever apologise for being a responsible and diligent individual. come, sit down. we’re just about to start eating food.”

(responsible? _diligent?_ shin had seen wolfgang drink beer from a shoe and then throw up all over their lawn.)

the dean smiled once more before she walked to the table. wolfgang was putting his hands in his pockets, looking at shin with a grin that pissed the smaller off. 

shin tried to feign indifference but couldn’t help the slight press of his lips.

“aw soohyuk, what’s the matter?” wolfgang lilted, “were you trying to suck up to the dean but then a handsome, smart blonde swooped in and stole your thunder?”

“i’m afraid you lost me at the _smart_ part,” shin muttered. 

“ah, but you didn’t dispute the _handsome_ , part,” wolfgang’s grin broadened. shin watched as wolfgang pushed his coat aside, flashing the way his cinched waist looked in his shirt and just to torture shin— wolfgang reached for the band of his pants, tugging it a few times in a tantalising way. (shin most definitely did not look down.) shin’s throat dried and wolfgang hummed— “yeah, that’s what i thought.”

wolfgang walked passed shin, fingers reaching out to graze across the smaller’s waist and shin hated the way his body keened— wanting to chase wolfgang’s touch, “it’s dinner time,” wolfgang whispered as his fingers left shin’s waist and he made his way to the table. 

shin watched wolfgang stroll to the table, like a lion in wait for his destined meal and shin suddenly had a bad feeling. 

wolfgang was in one of his _moods._ the confident and unrestrained kind of mood. the type were wolfgang would push and push until shin didn’t know wherher they were standing at the edge of a cliff or already soaring down to hit the floor. 

shin willed his legs to move as he made his way to the table. 

—

after a toast, the dean urged the leaders to sit and shin moved to the seat closest to him. an alpha grey was sitting in the one next to shin and shin greeted him politely. 

“this seat taken?” an alpha red asked shin, hand on the seat to the left of him. shin moved to shake his head when a hand clamped down on the seat from behind the red. 

“yeah, it is,” wolfgang was towering over the red, eyes set and holding a quiet demand that made the alpha red take a step back, “find one down there,” wolfgang said as he pulled the seat out. he looked shin in the eyes as he lowered himself onto the seat, leaning in, “this one’s mine.”

the food was being served and shin forced himself to tear his eyes away, opting to stare at the assortment of food on the table like his life depended on it. 

shin was busy feigning deep interest in the salad when he felt wolfgang lean in, breath hot, “you should tuck your chair in,” the blonde said in a hushed tone. 

shin glanced at him, instantly regretting it because of how wolfgang’s face was now a breath away. shin turned away quickly, blinking as a light blush dusted his cheeks. he felt his chair moving, reaching a hand to grab at the table in surprise. wolfgang was moving shin’s chair closer to the table until shin felt the table press into his stomach. 

“what’re you doing?” shin glanced around to make sure no one was looking at them. everybody else was engrossed in piling their plates high. 

wolfgang patted the back of shin’s chair, “nothing. eat up,” the blonde said as he turned to the food. 

shin watched him quizzically— the blonde had turned to pick random pieces of meat to fill his plate with. shin hesitantly looked back at the food, putting a small serving of salad on his plate. 

wolfgang was leaning over, sliding a cut of steak onto shin’s plate and shin glanced up, “what are you—“

“don’t ask questions— just eat,” was all wolfgang responded with. 

shin waited for the blonde to say something else. shin felt the familiar irritation that usually came with being around wolfgang, turn through his systems. when it was clear wolfgang was too adamant on eagerly hacking into his own piece of steak, shin looked away and moved his fork through his plate.

shin ate small bites of the leaves and vegetables, chewing slowly and with purpose until all that was left was the steak. 

shin sighed. he moved his knife and fork to the meat. he pressed his knife into the meat and began cutting— _what._

a hand was on his knee, simply resting. shin lifted his eyes to wolfgang and saw he was casually chatting with whoever was sitting on the other side of the blonde. wolfgang for a moment flicked his eyes over to shin, intentional, and then moved them back to his conversation. 

shin sat still, waiting for the hand to do something. it didn’t move. after a few minutes, shin got oddly used to the sensation and eventually moved his cutlery once more. he began cutting through the steak with fine movements and— _holy shit._

the hand was moving up shin’s thigh, fingers gentle and then shin stopped cutting and the fingers stopped moving. 

shin was making eye contact with wolfgang again. 

_what are you doing?_ shin mouthed, eyes slightly wide. 

wolfgang turned his head and mouthed _eat your food, soohyuk._ the blonde was turning back to the person he was conversing with and shin felt his hands tighten around the silverware in his hands. 

because wolfgang wouldn’t do something like this in a place like this. right?

( _right?_ )

this time, shin took it slow, testing the movement. as he cut the meat, the hand went higher. if shin stopped, so would the hand. it felt like suffocating and shin’s body was feeling sensitive and tingly before wolfgang had even done a thing. 

update: wolfgang would _definitely_ do something like this in a place like this. 

_shit._ the hand had reached shin’s inner crotch, resting there. shin swallowed hard as he worked his knife harder and— the fingers were pressing in, making a home there as they massaged the sensitive skin. 

shin’s fingers fumbled with the cutlery, throat drying and _his pants were definitely tighter than usual._

shin finally cut through the steak, hands shaking slightly as he lifted his fork to his mouth. whatever conversation wolfgang was having with the person next to him was done and now the blonde had turned his body to face shin— eyes watching every move the smaller made. 

shin hesitated, opening his mouth to put the small piece past his lips. as soon as the food was on his tongue, wolfgang ran a finger over shin’s crotch.

shin lurched forward, choking slightly as he coughed the steak out of his throat. people stirred, a few turning to give shin a strange look. 

“soohyuk, you good?” wolfgang asked innocently, taking his hand away to pat shin on the back sharply. 

shin was shooting wolfgang a glare and the blonde only smiled coyly in response. when everyone had turned away and it was just wolfgang and shin— the blonde put his elbow on the table, resting his chin in his palm as he studied shin’s slightly red face. 

“you gonna’ eat your food?” wolfgang asked, voice low. 

shin stared at wolfgang, brain processing the blonde as a whole— golden hair styled back, suit fitting him perfectly, legs spread in his seat as he faced shin. 

shin began chewing slowly. he felt wolfgang’s hand linger on the inside of his thigh— finger drawing circles that slowly increased in pressure. shin closed his eyes, _just chew_ like a mantra in his head. 

shin felt like he was in a different dimension— everything spiralling out of control but he didn’t want to leave this moment for some absurd reason (that could be due to the heat swelling in his body.)

shin finally swallowed down his food with a big gulp and wolfgang’s hand moved to cup shin’s crotch. shin held onto th edge of the table, biting the inside of his lip as the blonde’s palm moved in slow circles. 

“i don’t think you’ve finished your food, soohyuk,” wolfgang chided. 

shin was breathing hard. 

  
  


shin wasn’t quite sure how he did it. his hands were trembling and his cutlery kept slipping from his fingers and he’d apologise quickly and lower his head and people would shrug it off. shin felt like he was suffocating, each breath harder than the last as wolfgang’s palm slowly moved against him— rubbing until shin had to put food in his mouth to hold back the whine. 

finally, _finally—_ shin finished the last piece under wolfgang’s watchful gaze. shin’s jaw worked and so did wolfgang’s hand. when shin swallowed, wolfgang was squeezing, fingers digging into each side of shin’s clothed length and the smaller’s breath was trapped in his throat.

wolfgang began moving his hand faster now, with purpose, “did you eat it all?”

shin felt himself nod slowly, heat turning his ears a fiery red as he held onto the table as a plea for mercy. 

“you did?” wolfgang’s voice was sickly sweet, “then show me. open wide, soohyuk,” wolfgang mocked lowly. 

shin felt his brain run hot— thoughts melting into liquid and shin— shin was turning around, face red and lips parting as he opened his small mouth for wolfgang. shin felt like he was on display under the blonde’s careful eyes, his smile running shin’s blood icy hot. 

wolfgang leaned in, noses nearly touching as his hand squeezed at shin’s crotch— “good boy,” the blonde hushed. 

shin was standing abruptly, chair knocking backwards and eyes suddenly on him. shin’s face was a deep red, breaths short as he looked around at the startled faces looking back at him. 

“i-i…” shin stuttered, taking a clumsy step backwards and nearly tripping over his fallen chair. “i need to…” shin was turning, hands holding his burning cheeks as he began pacing towards the corridors of the halls. 

shin turned a corner and stepped into the dark area, hands clinging onto the curtains draped from the walls as he took a shaky breath in. 

“that bad, huh?”the familiar voice of wolfgang chuckled and shin felt his knees nearly give way. 

the smaller pulled his body closer to the wall, leaning his weight against it as he tightly held his eyes closed. his head was swimming— everything too much and yet not enough. _never enough._

shin let out a shaky exhale, “at a leader’s dinner? _really?”_

shin opened his eyes and looked at wolfgang, an attempt of a scowl pulling on the smaller’s lips. it wasn’t effective when he was clinging to the wall breathless— but he still scowled anyways. 

wolfgang stood a few feet away, hands in his pockets, “i think we can both agree it was pretty boring till i got here.”

“actually, i _don’t_ think i can agree with that.”

“not sure about that. you seemed to _really_ enjoy your meal, isn’t that right steakboy,” wolfgang smirked suggestively, eyes scaling shin’s lithe body and the smaller felt his breath leave him. 

“why’re you here? isn’t leaving the table now suspicious?”

“a fellow leader rushed off looking unwell. _of course_ i had to see if they were okay,” wolfgang batted his eyes innocently. 

“you’re full of shit.”

“they bought it,” wolfgang shrugged, grin on his lips, “ _especially_ the dean. she says she doesn’t have favourites but the way she gushed about my _empathetic heart_ really makes me think _i’m_ her favourite.”

and how true that was made shin’s blood boil. 

“so, you came here to boast?” shin gritted. 

“i came here because i’m a good person.”

“no, you’re the one who caused this mess.”

“exactly. now i’m the one who’s gonna fix it,” wolfgang paced forwards slowly and shin felt his body shrink as the blonde loomed over him. 

wolfgang’s hands hovered over shin’s hips and shin shied away from the touch, pressing his body against the wall tightly. shin’s eyes squeezed shut and his breath was harsh and—

“what’s the matter, soohyuk?” wolfgang leaned in, lips against shin’s neck and the smaller’s body reacted instantly— caving into the gentle press and his fingers digged into the curtain. 

shin shook his head, “wolfgang, we’re in public,” shin hissed, mind zeroing out on the blonde’s breath against his neck. 

wolfgang let out a breathy laugh, “you’ve never minded before. in fact, if i recall correctly, you’ve always been sort of into that.”

shin felt wolfgang’s fingers hold the edge of shin’s blazer jacket— 

“t-this is different.”

“ah, because the dining table is nearby? because your fellow leaders could hear if you made a sound?” wolfgang stepped closer, the heat of his chest searing through the layers of clothing and into shin. “or maybe, it’s because of the dean. is that it? don’t want the dean to see the alpha blue leader get railed—“

shin let out a whimper, knees giving out and wolfgang’s hand was holding shin’s waist firmly— keeping the smaller in place. 

“then, i guess you have to make sure to be quiet,” wolfgang’s voice was dangerously calm. _you’ll let me, won’t you, soohyuk?_

shin moved himself so that his back was against the wall and he was facing wolfgang, breath heavy. 

“y-you’ve been a brat all day,” shin hissed, fighting the urge to press up against the blonde. 

“have i?” wolfgang grinned from ear to ear. 

“why’re you so adamant on putting me in compromising positions?” shin asked. 

wolfgang stepped closer, noses nearly touching as his lips ghosted over shin’s— “you enjoy them so much. it would be a shame if i didn’t take you in as many risky places as possible.”

shin realised that any form of verbal protest would come out as a stuttering, hopeless lie and shin for once wanted the upper hand. for once, shin wanted to be the bold one. the one in control. 

he twisted his hand in wolfgang’s shirt and pulled him forwards, the blonde stumbling over his own feet as he put his hands on either side of shin to steady himself. 

“i think,” shin said softly, hands tightening in grip, “you like to think that one of these days we’ll get caught so you can stake your claim on me.”

wolfgang’s eyes widened slightly, hands clenching around the curtains as he looked at shin. 

“why would i want that?” wolfgang‘s voice was quiet, as if he already knew the answer himself. 

“because you’re like a dog, pulling out your dick and pissing on whatever you want.”

wolfgang laughed at that, hints of a genuine smile on his lips, “wow, you think so highly of me.”

“i really don’t think anything of you.”

“and yet, you think i want you?”

“i…” shin’s confidence dwindled slightly, eyes worriedly looking into wolfgang’s because maybe he read this wrong. but wolfgang’s eyes were hot, burning— urging shin to continue, _go on. tell me what i am, soohyuk._

shin swallowed hard and set his jaw, pushing himself on his toes as he boldly stared up at wolfgang, “i think you can’t stop thinking about me.”

“oh, is that so?”

“i think you go home after our little sessions and touch yourself to the thought of me.”

this time wolfgang’s face hardened, eyes darkening as he brought a thumb to press into shin’s clavicle, “you say that as if you haven’t done the same.”

shin’s moment of confidence died on his tongue as heat blistered him back down onto the flats of his feet. shin felt himself get flustered, “i… well—“

“don’t back down now, soohyuk,” wolfgang teased but his eyes were gentle. wolfgang knew what shin was trying to do and he was soothing him. 

_take your time. take it at your pace._

shin took a breath as he let his hand run over wolfgang’s arm, then down the blonde’s chest. wolfgang watched the movement— watched till shin’s pale hands were reaching for the band of wolfgang’s slacks and ran along them. 

“i don’t think of you,” shin lied once more. he watched wolfgang take a sharp breath as shin’s hand dipped below the blonde’s waistband, “i’m always the one being chased around.”

wolfgang let out a choked groan as shin’s fingers grabbed his length, not giving him satisfaction but simply holding. shin felt a thrill pass through him. 

“i thought you’d stop following me around eventually, but you can’t take a hint, can you?” shin’s fingers were agonising, moving slowly and offering wolfgang nothing as the blonde clenched his jaw, “i only entertain you out of boredom.”

wolfgang’s head dropped lower, a steady red taking over his face and flushing his ears. 

“so i’ll make this clear for you,” shin whispered, “the only time i think of you — is to think about how pathetic you are.”

wolfgang’s hand was gripping shin’s wrist, stilling the smaller’s hand as a gasped, “ _holy fuck,”_ left his lips. 

shin’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as he watched wolfgang breathe in hard. _was that too much?_

“s-sorry… i’m sorry w-was that… did i got too far—?”

wolfgang surged forwards, tongue prying shin’s mouth open and the smaller opened up eagerly, arms wrapping around shin’s neck. 

wolfgang pulled away and shin chased his lips but the blonde grabbed him and pushed him back against the wall. 

“i wanna’ suck you off so bad,” wolfgang admitted breathlessly, eyes dazed. 

“oh,” shin blinked. 

“yeah.”

“oh,” shin said again as he watched the soft blush of wolfgang’s cheeks and _maybe shin could feel the way his pants tightened at how fucked out wolfgang was already looking._

“you gonna’ let me or do i need to beg?”

shin nodded slowly, eyes wide because _this was new_. this was a side of wolfgang that shin had not seen despite their many times spent together in similar positions. 

wolfgang’s knees were hitting the floor, hands pushing at shin’s hips till they were pressed against the wall and shin’s hands were hovering—

“you really know how to make me mad,” wolfgang said lowly, but shin could hear it — _the notes of reverence in his voice._

and as wolfgang unbuttoned shin’s slacks, he held shin’s eyes— and shin swallowed at the way they glowed and whispered to shin: _i like this._

shin was foolish to ever think he had a chance of being in control around wolfgang. 

even as wolfgang sat back on his heels— as he kneeled before shin, even when his hands were dipping into shin’s briefs and pulling shin’s length out, even as wolfgang was taking one of shin’s hands and guiding it into the blonde’s gelled hair—

“say the word,” wolfgang whispered, breath ghosting over shin’s member, “and i’ll give you a _real_ reason to think about me.”

shin’s hand curled in wolfgang’s hair as he felt his hips try to move— try to press against the blonde’s lips. 

“go on,” shin sounded too breathless for it to a demand— so he tightened his chest, took air into his lungs and looked down and wolfgang, “go on then. try and give me a reason to stay up at night,” shin’s tone was patronising and he felt cruel until he saw the way the corner of wolfgang’s mouth curled up. 

“shit,” wolfgang hissed, staring up at shin as if he was looking at an angel. the blonde swallowed, blinking slowly, “shit, yeah— okay.”

wolfgang’s lips were pressing against where shin needed it the most, the smaller’s head falling back but eyes tracking every movement the blonde made. wolfgang’s eyes were open, watching shin as he slowly sunk lower and shin couldn’t help the slight buck of his hips. 

wolfgang didn’t move to still him, instead letting out a noise in the back of his throat as his eyes fluttered shut and _holy shit._

shin’s hand tightened in wolfgang’s hair and the blonde let out a soft moan, the feeling sending a vibration through shin’s body that had him bucking up again. shin started moving his hips, wolfgang easily falling in step with his movements until the blonde was breathing heavily through his nose. 

shin had the back of his hand pressed into his mouth, reminding himself that only a few metres away there was a banquet dinner happening. it would take only a few noises escaping shin for curious people to come around the corner. 

(the thought only made shin throw his head back.)

shin tried not to pull at the blonde’s hair, keeping his fingers loose in the locks as he moved his hips and —

 _wolfgang was beautiful._ looking up at shin like he wanted to devour him, taste more of him and swallow the smaller whole. 

shin could only let out a whimper— 

footsteps had shin’s body freezing, mind reeling and suddenly he was grabbing wolfgang’s hair, pulling him to the side. shin pulled at the curtains and tumbled behind with wolfgang fumbling after him. the footsteps approached closer and shin had a hand gripping at wolfgang’s hair to still him. his other hand clamped over his own mouth, silencing himself as his body was strung high on alert. 

the footsteps didn’t slow, passing by unknowingly. shin’s breaths were shaky, mind sludge as he breathed a sigh of relief. his body was shaking, arousal and adrenaline surging through him. he was looking down at wolfgang—

he hadn’t realised the way his fingers had fisted so tight in the blonde’s hair, pulling his head slightly back and making his neck arch up. he hadn’t noticed the way wolfgang’s breathing was shallow and his eyes were glazed over and his lips were _red,_ so red and slightly parted as he looked up at shin with a yearning that sent a shiver down the smaller’s spine. 

shin’s hand was releasing wolfgang’s hair, “s-sorry,” he hushed, pulling his hands back. 

wolfgang lifted a hand to catch shin’s, slowly guiding it back in position.

“soohyuk,” wolfgang’s voice was unreadable, “do that again.”

and shin felt his mind freeze.

 _do that again_.

do that again? 

shin felt like he was moving on auto-pilot— fingers tangling through the blonde’s hair and gripping tightly— blunt nails scraping against his scalp and marvelling at the soft gasp from wolfgang’s lips. 

_shit._

shin grabbed the hair firmly, giving it a harsh tug and this time wolfgang’s gasp was louder, guttural almost—

_shit. holy shit._

“y-you like that…?” shin’s mouth was open in shock, unknowing how to proceed with a piece of information that would be sure to ruin his sleep. 

“yeah,” wolfgang said and he seemed slightly dazed, as if he himself didn’t expect it, “yeah, i _fucking_ do.”

they both looked at each other for a moment, a paradigm shift of a sort. wolfgang on his knees asking shin to pull his hair— _yeah._

because wolfgang _liked_ it. because wolfgang was a minx, all golden sparkly eyes and coy smile. harsh features and soft aura. 

they stared for a moment longer before wolfgang’s lips parted—

“are you gonna’ make me take it, soohyuk?” wolfgang said slowly, smile pulling his lips like he _wasn’t_ the one who’s hair was being grabbed, “gonna make me tear up and choke?” confidence ebbed off him like he _wasn’t_ the one on his knees. 

shin only gripped wolfgang’s hair tighter as he felt himself get riled up— because wolfgang was being a brat. 

the blonde was testing— pushing shin. seeing how far he could take this battle of control. letting shin experiment in the _fucking hall of the dean’s house._

“is that what you want?” shin asked, pulling wolfgang’s head back sharply. 

wolfgang inhaled, “why don’t you find out?”

  
  


“wolfgang, i-i’m close,” shin gritted, head hitting the wall behind him as he rocked his hips into the heat of wolfgang’s mouth. 

wolfgang hummed around shin, hands reaching to grab at shin’s hips and pull him in. shin guided wolfgang’s head, moving him with each thrust and wolfgang let out a guttural moan that had shin’s toes curling in his shoes. 

“y-you feel so good,” shin blushed as the words left his lips. he felt wolfgang gasp around him, hands grabbing at shin because shin wasn’t the one to praise during heated moments and yet— “you’re good at this.”

wolfgang pulled off shin, eyes damp and breathing ragged, “i’m gonna jizz my pants i swear to fuck.”

shin let out a breathy noise, an almost laugh that pulled his lips up slightly and had his hands running through wolfgang’s hair in a way that was almost _fond._

“are you close?” wolfgang was asking.

shin nodded, “yeah, _yes_ i… how… how are you?”

wolfgang hummed in thought, “yeah, i’m doing alright. really fucking hard, but i’m doing pretty good.”

wolfgang was being _charming_ and playful and shin realised he hadn’t prepared enough for his role this time. 

“s-stand up?” shin didn’t demand, simply asked and wolfgang looked up quizzically. 

“okay,” wolfgang said easily, rising to his feet, “i mean i can’t really suck you off from here.”

shin reached into wolfgang’s pants, pulling his length out and — _he wasn’t lying. he was extremely hard._

wolfgang groaned at the feeling of shin’s hands on him.

“i… i wanted to…” shin’s confidence whittled when he saw the way wolfgang’s face flushed and pleasure twisted his features. _how the hell did wolfgang do this so easily._ shin felt his heart lodge—

_because he made wolfgang feel like that._

is this what it felt like to be wolfgang? holding someone’s pleasure in his hands— he felt powerful but it was bleeding into him, taking away his restraint and stripping him into a hopeless mess. shin couldn’t form words, mind rattling between the own sweet curl of heat he felt and the idea that wolfgang was a mess because of him. both battled in his mind and it felt like it broke him down into a whimpering mess. 

“what did you want?” wolfgang breathed out heavily, hands reaching for shin’s length. 

wolfgang started moving his hand and shin shortly followed, letting out a soft noise in satisfaction. 

“this what you wanted?” wolfgang leaned in, letting their breaths mingle as they mindlessly moved into each other’s spaces. their hands worked over each other in tandem. 

“y-yeah,” shin whispered, “yes.”

wolfgang smiled down at shin who was too flustered now to say anything, face fully flushed and lost in the moment. 

“thought you were gonna’ take control this time,” wolfgang teased gently, watching shin tremble in his hold. 

“m-me too. sorry,” shin answered honestly and wolfgang smiled.

“what happened?” wolfgang teased, free hand reaching to push a stray hair out of shin’s face. 

shin leaned into the touch on instinct, “it’s hard to… keep… you’re distracting,” shin broke off in a soft moan, “y-you’re hard to control,” shin admitted easily. 

this time wolfgang laughed. because shin was always painfully honest in moments like this. 

“it’s okay,” wolfgang pressed his nose against shin’s temple, closing his eyes, “let me take care of you. that’s what i like best,” wolfgang whispered, eyes holding shin’s until shin was too overwhelmed, eyes fluttering shut and letting out a noise trapped in his throat. 

their lips brushed as they panted into each other’s mouth. it was intoxicating. it felt too intimate in the roughest way. like carrying your lover through a field of mines. it was desperate and it shouldn’t make shin’s heart ache— but it did. 

shin’s whines built up and wolfgang was hushing him, finger to the smaller’s lips with a mischievous glint in his eyes. the blonde let out a soft laugh— “soohyuk, the whole dinner doesn’t need to know how close you are.”

shin blushed furiously, “s-shut up,” he was attempting a glare— but that all too soon melted away into a look of pleasure. his hips bucked one last time and he was spilling over wolfgang’s hand, moaning and wolfgang had to clamp a hand over shin’s lips to keep his sounds from drifting to the dining room. 

shin’s hand halted its movement, gasping for breath as wolfgang pumped shin through his high. wolfgang carried on, dragging out the pleasure as shin shivered and clung onto the blonde, knees weak. 

shin’s breaths were heavy, wolfgang’s hand slowing as shin came down and slowly started moving his hand over wolfgang once more. wolfgang took his hand off shin’s mouth in favour of burrowing it under shin’s blazer and finding the warmth of the smaller’s waist. wolfgang’s body was tense, caving towards shin as his body shuddered. 

shin let his eyes follow wolfgang, tracing the bend of his neck and the way sweat pooled down his collared shirt. the way his blazer shifted with each heavy breath. the way wolfgang’s face was lost in pleasure, pretty lashes fluttering, strong jaw clenching and unclenching. 

like this, shin could be selfish and look up— drinking wolfgang in for all the times he told himself he had to look away. for all the times he told himself looking at wolfgang was wrong. but in these moments, when the blonde’s eyes were closed and they were the only ones in the world— shin would watch the waves of heat tremble through wolfgang as he threw his head back and —

“soohyuk,” wolfgang whispered before he was coming undone. 

shin watched wolfgang, pretty as daylight— and felt his heart lodge in his throat. shin was leaning in, eyes fluttering as he brushed his lips against wolfgang and it wasn’t a kiss— _it couldn’t be a kiss—_ because there was no hate or desperation or passion just— 

it was just _wolfgang._

wolfgang’s lips moved gently against shin’s, not closing but brushing back in response and shin’s eyes were opening slowly— meeting wolfgang’s as they both breathed heavily. 

and then there were only soft pants and sensitive touches— there was nothing building and their bodies weren’t taut and yet— their was a tension that made shin want to cross every line. 

staring into each other’s eyes, shin realised too many things that made no sense. a jumble of words in his head that meant something but shin was too terrified to decipher it all. 

“we should clean up,” shin whispered, voice surprising himself by how small it was. 

wolfgang’s eyes looked sad for a moment, like shin had taken his heart away with those words. 

the blonde gave a wavering smile before clearing his throat, “yeah. let’s… let’s get cleaned up.”

—

wolfgang had seated shin next to the sink, tissues drenched with watery soap as he rubbed at the smaller’s slacks. 

“shit,” wolfgang muttered as his brows pulled tighter and he leaned closer, “sorry, should’ve held myself back better.”

shin glanced away as wolfgang worked diligently with the tissue at the stain, “no, it’s my fault. if i had bigger hands it wouldn’t have gone everywhere.”

wolfgang snorted softly, “you can’t control the size of your hands.”

“you can’t control how hard you blow your load.”

they both stared at each other, until wolfgang broke into a smile and shin’s eyes danced back at the blonde. 

“too-she,” wolfgang nodded. 

shin tilted his head, “pardon?”

“too-she. you know, when you say something but then someone else says something that kinda’ makes what you said irrelevant? too-she.”

shin waited a beat, mouth parting, “do you… mean… touché…?”

wolfgang stood still, thinking for a moment. he shook his head, “no, i think i mean too-she.”

shin sighed, “sometimes, i don’t know how you dress yourself in the morning.”

“ah,” wolfgang stepped back to study the stain, “i have people for that,” he said with enough flair that shin could assume he was joking. 

shin let himself admire wolfgang in the suit, eyes flicking to wolfgang’s tie and— _how he wanted to hold onto that tie as wolfgang plowed him into next tuesday—_

shin decided it was best to look away. he cleared his throat, shifting slightly on the bench to cross his legs. 

“the stain is pretty unnoticeable for now but i’ll pay you back so you can buy a new pair,” wolfgang said as he scrunched the paper towel and threw it in the bin. 

(he got it in because _of course_ he did.)

“don’t worry about it,” shin shrugged.

they were silent for a moment, shin didn’t know what to say but he felt like something _needed_ to be said—

“you’re hot,” wolfgang said abruptly and shin blinked, hand reaching to push up his glasses as he ducked his head down. “i mean… navy blue is _really_ your colour. that suit looks really good on you. you look hot,” wolfgang said. 

shin cleared his throat, “uh, yeah. um… i- thank you.”

“and i hope you didn’t feel pressured to do anything you didn’t like. i know we’ve never tried anything like that before but i just— you were really, uh…” wolfgang looked away, hand reaching to rub the nape of his neck. “i didn’t think i’d enjoy that as much as i did,” wolfgang managed to blurt out. 

shin fiddled his fingers as vivid flashbacks of the moments before the bathroom came to head. 

shin cleared his throat, “the… the … um—“

“the hair pulling,” wolfgang said. 

shin wondered if there was a slight blush on wolfgang’s cheeks or if it was just a trick of the light. wolfgang didn’t embarrass easily (shin’s convinced he doesn’t even feel embarrassment). the blush probably meant that— _he liked it,_ shin’s brain offered and shin really needed to get his mind somewhere else because otherwise; he’d be getting hard for the second time tonight. 

“i hope…” wolfgang started, “i hope i didn’t put you in a position you didn’t want to be in.”

shin shook his head, “no— not at all. it’s… it’s the same for me. i didn’t think… i never thought about being the one in control. usually, i find it exhausting. but…” shin cleared his throat again, cheeks flaring. 

“but…?”

“i… you… i liked it,” shin’s voice was small, “i liked that you pushed and i liked— i said some mean things but— i liked being the one in control, even if it lasted for just a moment.”

“good,” wolfgang said eagerly. he cleared his throat, “i mean… what i’m trying to say is— you’re really _fucking_ hot, soohyuk.”

wolfgang was putting a hand on shin’s thigh and shin was uncrossing his legs because _he was helpless._

“you were _mean,_ ” wolfgang said in a low tone, “but with that face i think you could say anything and i’d let you.”

shin found himself leaning in, “you… you were… you were really— i liked how you were as well,” shin managed. “i’m not very good at being in control— i-i’m sorry i couldn’t do it for long i—“

“shin, you were good. _really good._ i wouldn’t mind if you tested that out anytime you felt like it.”

“i don’t— how do you do it?” shin whispered, he couldn’t help the slight awe in his voice. “it’s a _lot_ to try and keep composure while…” shin didn’t finish his sentence, too busy burning red. 

wolfgang laughed softly, “ah, who says i keep my composure? most of the time i’m as blindsided and freaked out as you.”

“y-yet…? you’re _good_ at it.”

wolfgang shrugged easily, “yeah, i guess i am. it’s natural to me, i suppose. being in control isn’t something i strive to do— it’s something i naturally am. i don’t feel pressured to control things—i just do.”

shin let his eyes run over wolfgang’s face, something sick burning in his stomach because wolfgang was _naturally_ a lion— built and strong and proud and that made shin lose his mind. 

“i wish,” shin found himself whispering, eyes tender as he looked at his knees. shin felt wolfgang take him by the nape of the neck, squeezing gently. 

“hey,” wolfgang said softly, “having control isn’t just about what you can _actually_ control— it’s more a state of mind. like, when you had your hands in my hair, you were the one with the physical advantage there. but, you didn’t _feel_ like you were in control because i didn’t act like you were in control. in the same way, there are moments in life when i know i can’t be in control— but that’s okay, i hold my head up and i find things that ground me and push through. i pretend i have the higher up even when i don’t. it’s my way of dicking the world over.”

shin watched wolfgang speak. his voice was soft and shin felt too suddenly of how that voice reminded him of every pretty thing and gentle memory. 

shin looked at wolfgang, soft smile, “maybe i’ll give that a try.”

wolfgang smiled back, “maybe. but, everyone’s different. what gets you and me through the day is different and that’s okay too.”

they were silent for a few seconds, the sound of a clock filling the empty space.

“you’re glowing, by the way,” wolfgang whispered. 

shin raised his head to meet wolfgang’s eyes, “pardon?”

“you’re glowing. i know you’ve been having it rough for a while and i don’t want to pry but— you’ve been looking after yourself recently. i can tell. you’re glowing.”

shin felt something click— because no matter what was said here, wolfgang and shin would walk out those doors and start where they left off. it was like sour milk on the tongue and the smell of rotten food and it hit shin like a painful reminder of all the things this moment couldn’t be. 

despite how shin’s heart ached and how the words _thank you_ were playing on repeat in his mind, shin pursed his lips and said: “don’t get sentimental now, wolfgang.”

his voice dripped with purpose, with intent— pushing wolfgang to remember his role.

like broken glass, wolfgang’s eyes shattered and just as quickly, shin watched the blonde roll his eyes. the pace was set back to regular and they were back to the leaders of alpha gold and blue. 

(shin wondered if he had a hand in making wolfgang the actor he was today.)

and shin watched as wolfgang slipped his practised smile on, mask back in place, “sentimental? no. i’m just glad. i can’t have my biggest rival too weak to fight, right?” wolfgang moved his hand off shin’s thigh and the smaller immediately missed the weight of it.

shin nodded, swallowing down all of his feelings so he could bare his fangs, “right,” shin said. 

—

shin sat in his pajamas at his desk, pen in hand. he had his journal (not diary) open and resting on a page where two words were written early in the day. 

_dear wolfgang_

no matter what shin told himself— he figured there would be no harm to anyone if in the corner of his room, he started an entry with those two words to see where it would take him. 

shin didn’t have much to say tonight, exhausted from the theatrics of everything that had happened. so, he brought the pen to paper. joint, cursive letters were flowing in black ink as he pressed his words to the page. 

he capped his pen and stood, closing his book. he tucked it underneath his pillow and crawled under the sheets and wished sleep to take away the memories of the night he had. 

  
  
  
  
  


( _dear wolfgang,_

_what am i supposed to say when you look at me with your sad eyes?)_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


rules broken: maybe one/4

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to think i created something powerful here


	5. bite your tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shin soohyuk is startled, daring and then a coward.
> 
> (there's one that he regrets being the most)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wolfgang's attire is dedicated to nii hheheheheh x

“out of ten how much do you love me?” sys had turned over in shin’s bed to look at the alpha blue leader. 

shin was sitting on the left of the bed, head propped up by a pillow. he lowered the book in his hand and looked at sys over his glasses.

“what did you do?” shin asked slowly, narrowing his eyes. 

sys huffed, “why do you assume i’m up to something when i ask you that?”

“because you always _are_ up to something when you ask that.”

sys sat up now, leaning back on a pillow as he stared at the space in front of him, “what would it take to make me hate you?”

shin looked at sys carefully, then sighed. he put his book down and stared at the same place on the wall. 

“honestly, i don’t think there’s anything you could do. maybe if you… murdered my family… that would probably make me pretty upset.”

sys nodded, “okay… so like, only extreme acts of violence?”

shin shrugged slightly, “yes, that’s probably it.”

“okay sweet. i need to tell you something.”

—

shin should've seen this coming. 

sys had a wide, open-mouthed grin on his face and his arm was latched onto the bicep of none other than randolph. 

randolph stood still, showing no real emotion beyond a scowl that shin assumed was a permanent part of his face. 

shin looked between the two and sys kept smiling. 

“you…” shin started, “you’re dating…?”

sys nodded happily, looking at randolph then back to shin as he squeezed randolph’s arm. 

“you’re..” shin looked at randolph, “you’re his boyfriend?” shin asked, perplexed. 

randolph grunted in affirmation. 

shin felt like he had so much to say, but the only thing that left his mouth was a sound akin to a deflating balloon. sys’ smile faltered momentarily, slight worry crossing his face. 

“i know this may be a lot to take in,” sys said evenly. 

“yeah,” shin stared at them, still in shock. 

“i know it may seem sudden— even _rash_ but—“

“sudden?” shin sounded horrified, “sys, what the hell? since _when?_ i always thought your relationship was weird but i never questioned it because i thought it was just some weird sys thing but—“ shin’s words died in his throat. he _really_ should’ve seen this coming. 

it was obvious, wasn’t it? sys was always finding excuses to be close to randolph and shin just assumed it was sys terrorising the alpha golds like he always did. he didn’t think anything more of it— couldn’t let himself imagine other possibilities in fear of projecting—

“you hate me, don’t you?” sys said, smile disappearing slowly. 

shin stood still, felt like he was frozen and he wanted to say something but sys was letting go of randolph’s arm. randolph was watching sys, a look in his eye that seemed so foreign on his face because it looked like he was _worried._

“sys—“ shin started. 

“i know we have that rivalry. i _know_ we’re meant to be fighting or whatever but randolph treats me well.”

“sys—“

“and we like each other and i’m not gonna’ leave him just because of some stupid prank war,” sys had a set look in his eyes, like he had made his decision. 

shin looked at sys and sighed heavily, “sys, i could never hate you. i just… i’m just a little surprised is all. i’m sorry i don’t know what to say but i would never expect you to do _anything_ of the sort and i’m… i’m really happy for you,” shin said softly, eyes on the floor as he adjusted his glasses, “sorry for being bad at this.”

sys bounded over to shin, hands wrapping around him and lifting him into the air. shin felt the breath rush out of his lungs as sys squeezed him tight. 

“i was so sure you’d hate me,” sys rushed out, tightening his grip around shin. 

shin let his bones be crushed until sys put him back on his feet. 

“you’re my best friend,” shin smiled. it was honest. 

“you promise you’re not mad?”

“surprised…? yes. mad...? never.”

sys smiled happily, “i’m glad! it was getting exhausting keeping it a secret,” sys turned over his shoulder, “babe, come here and join the hug.”

randolph huffed in response, looking away as he crossed his arms. 

“babe,” sys called again, “i’ll tell everyone how you insist on being the little spoon.”

to this, randolph swayed on his feet— glancing at sys and shin. he grumbled as he made his way over and placed his hands stiffly on the two smaller boys’ shoulders. 

“he’s a little rough around the edges,” sys explained fondly as he gazed at randolph. 

and shin could have sworn that the look in randolph’s eyes was complete and utter adoration as he stared back at sys. 

—

sys had asked shin to meet both him and randolph (his _boyfriend_ ) out the front of the house. apparently, sys wanted to ‘make his besties into besties’ and shin couldn’t say no when sys looked at him with his big, pleading eyes. 

it was, however, a surprise when shin stepped out and saw sys and randolph had an extra. 

“wolfgang,” shin managed through gritted teeth. 

the blonde was wearing a dark green hoodie, legs covered in the loose material of his trademark grey sweatpants. 

shin did his best not to look down. 

“soohyuk,” wolfgang sounded surprised, glancing between the three, “what’s going on here?”

“shin, don’t hate us— but we needed you as a witness in case anything happened,” sys looked at shin apologetically. 

“what do you mean?” shin tilted his head. 

“well, we haven’t told wolfgang.”

wolfgang made a noise, “told _wolfgang_ what?” the blonde was looking around. “what’s happening?”

randolph shuffled slightly. 

“we’re dating,” randolph grunted. 

wolfgang stood still for a moment. 

“what?” the blonde said simply. 

“we fuck, i buy him flowers and we go on picnics. we’re dating,” sys piped up. 

wolfgang’s jaw dropped as he stared at randolph. 

“you’re dating _that_ asshole?” wolfgang sounded horrified. 

randolph’s scowl grew, “don’t call him an asshole.”

“i can’t— hold on… _wait what_?” wolfgang looked like he wanted to cry or punch a wall and shin would’ve felt amused if it wasn’t for the way sys looked so worried. 

“what’s not to get?” randolph was now pacing towards wolfgang, angry. 

“the dating part!” wolfgang squared his shoulders as both brothers looked like they were about to rip the other’s head off. 

“well, catch on quickly because you’re making me lose my patience.”

wolfgang set his jaw, eyes hard. a beat passed and the atmposphere was tense. 

it was like a silent battle that had shin and sys staring, heads tilted. 

something flickered on wolfgang’s face. he looked at sys briefly and then back at randolph. the blonde was sighing, relaxing his shoulders and putting his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. 

“he’s clearly important to you,” wolfgang mumbled. 

randolph blinked, then slowly looked over at sys, “yeah. he is.”

sys and shin exchanged a look, unsure what was happening. 

“then, i’m happy for the both of you,” wolfgang finally said, glancing over at sys, “but if you break his heart— i will personally choke slam you into the cement.”

“i could be into that,” sys chirped and randolph gave him a look. sys grinned, “it was a joke, babe. i’ll only let you choke slam me.”

wolfgang sighed, “so, what are we meant to do now?”

“ah, right! we’re all going out to dinner,” sys said and the other three boys stared at him in horror. 

—

“i’m still a little lost why _i_ have to be here,” shin said as he did a head check. 

wolfgang and randolph had driven together on wolfgang’s request for some ‘bro time’. shin assumed that would be a good idea for everyone. 

however, shin was now driving sys to the diner (sys claimed he wasn’t in the mood to be responsible) where the four of them were to eat and he was slightly dazed by the progression of events. 

shin moved the car jerkily into the next lane. (he wished he could say that his driving was only bad because it was sys’ car and not his own, but that would be a lie.) sys cleared his throat. 

“my idea was— we give wolfgang something he hates more than the idea of me, on top of the idea of his brother dating me. the conclusion; was _you_. so i thought, if we all went to dinner he’d be too busy despising you to make any comments on randolph and i. genius, right?”

“no, that’s a terrible idea,” shin said as a car hooted behind them at the traffic light turning green. 

sys stuck his head out the window, “he’s trying his best you asshole!” sys shouted. 

shin was shaking his head, slight smile on his lips as he pressed down on the accelerator and took off (below the speed limit because safety is important).

“you’ve never cared about what anyone thinks before, why now? why _wolfgang_ of all people?”

“ _trust me_ ,” sys scoffed, “wolfgang is the biggest himbo i’ve ever met. we’ve never meshed well and if i had it my way i’d keep my distance. but, he’s randolph’s brother. they’re close and randolph would never say it— but wolfgang is really important to him. i… i don’t want him to hate me.”

shin followed the road, both of them sitting in silence for a while as the quiet noise of the radio filled the empty space. 

shin nodded slowly, “he’s really important to you, isn't he?”

sys smiled to himself, “something like that.”

sys shuffled in his seat as he turned the radio up. shin faintly recognised the ac/dc song playing as sys clicked another button and the led lights in the car turned on. 

“sys, having flashing lights in your car seems like a hazard,” shin noted as he made another turn. 

sys fondly patted the dash of his car as he hummed, “he’s a party boy. let him be.”

—

shin and sys were on either sides of the table in a booth. 

the door of the diner chimed and randolph and wolfgang walked in— wolfgang smiling easily at the owner and randolph scowling. 

shin heard sys let out a loving sigh. 

randolph made his way over, sliding into sys’ booth as the pink-haired boy reached up and pulled him into a kiss. shin looked away, realising he didn’t need to know what it looked like when randolph ate his best friend’s face. 

“charming,” wolfgang chided as he slid in next to shin. 

sys pulled away from randolph, eyes narrowing at wolfgang, “are you shaming two boys for kissing?”

“no, i’m appalled and disgusted that i now know what my brother’s tongue inside your mouth sounds like.”

sys placed a hand on randolph’s thigh and moved until their sides were glued together, choosing to ignore the comment. 

“let’s order. this place has the best burgers.”

“do they have any whiskey,” wolfgang mumbled as he opened the menu. 

shin didn’t have much hope for the night. 

—

okay. so maybe shin misjudged the whole situation. because now, wolfgang and sys were leaning over the table and watching vine compilations while howling in laughter and shin was definitely a little confused. 

randolph had a dazed look on his face and shin could only return it— because it was like sys and wolfgang had always been the best of friends. 

shin tried to track how they had reached this point— somewhere along the line wolfgang had referenced the _god and anime on my side_ kid and sys laughed hysterically. 

it really wasn’t funny, but they both had tears in their eyes. sys was asking wolfgang if he’d seen some obscure vine and wolfgang was slamming his hand on the table, doubling over because—

 _dude, that’s my favourite one!_ the blonde howled. 

and honestly, shin really shouldn’t be surprised. golden boy wolfgang and social butterfly sys were practically _destined_ to be friends. statistically, this was the outcome that would have been the most likely— both of them being chaotically loud while getting side eyed by other customers. 

shin noted that although confused— there was less of a pull on randolph's features. shin recognised it as relief— because his brother and boyfriend weren’t ripping each other’s throats out. 

the two boys laughing were breathing heavily, wiping tears from their eyes as the compilation finished. sys was leaning back, resting his head on randolph’s shoulders. wolfgang stretched his arm out— placing it behind shin and moving closer to the smaller. 

shin froze. sys was looking over, double taking as his eyes zeroed out on wolfgang’s arm. shin glanced at wolfgang who was still too busy laughing to notice the shift in atmosphere. 

eventually, the blonde glanced at sys, then at shin and his mouth formed a small ‘o’. his eyes widened and he pulled his arm away—

“sorry,” wolfgang rushed out, noticing the look in shin’s eyes and quickly glancing away. the blonde cleared his throat, “sorry about that...uh, _bud.”_

shin tried not to physically grimace at the name as he nodded and mumbled an _all good._

the server came over, food in hand and sys seemed sufficiently distracted— wide smile as he put his hands together happily at the sight of their meals. 

shin, however, was suddenly aware of the press of wolfgang’s thigh against his own. shin could feel the heat radiating through the fabric of the blonde’s sweatpants, pressing into shin’s skin through his jeans and shin felt his body heat up. 

when shin chanced a glance up at wolfgang, the blonde was looking right back— eyes holding a secret smile. 

—

shin was certain wolfgang was trying to torture him. during their meal, the blonde spread his legs wider, pressing his thigh against shin’s firmly. the blonde made no attempt to hide the way his foot hooked into the inside of shin’s, vans brushing against the smaller’s ankle. 

wolfgang moved naturally, big bites of his burger, eager conversation and easy laughter. sometimes, his hand dipped below the table and grazed shin’s knee. nothing dramatic, just light and barely there but it was enough to make shin choke on a fry. 

sys and wolfgang were throwing fries into each other’s mouths— woflgang catching them all with ease and sys laughing. 

“your turn!” sys turned to randolph, chip in hand. randolph looked at sys unamused and didn’t budge for a minute. he sighed, turning his body and parting his lips slightly. sys gave the boy a look, “oh, i _know_ you can open your mouth wider than that, baby.”

wolfgang was groaning, “that’s disgusting”, hands covering his eyes and shin admittedly felt bad for him.

randolph had dusted red cheeks as he glanced away, opening his mouth slightly wider and sys threw the chip. it landed in randolph’s mouth easily, sys cheering as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and gave him a victory peck. 

there was something oddly sweet about them, shin thought to himself. like seeing a grumpy old man with a small kitten. it added a side to randolph that shin had never seen but decided that he liked. despite randolph being hard around the edges, shin could see the softness at his centre. in a way, randolph was like shin. difficult at expressing his emotions but felt them just like everyone else. 

_yeah,_ shin thought, _maybe he didn’t mind them together at all._

shin glanced up at the clock, it was ten past eleven. 

“it’s getting late,” shin voiced and the other three were looking over at him. 

sys nodded, “yeah, you’re right. let’s head back?”

the four of them piled up their plates, cleaning up their mess as much as they could before sliding out. they put the money on the table and thanked their waiter on the way out. 

wolfgang stretched, hands in the air as he and shin lagged behind randolph and sys. sys was leaning on randolph, head on the taller’s upper arm as they spoke in hushed whispers. 

sys turned around, “hey! me and randolph are gonna’ go together back to the campus. is that all good?”

shin and wolfgang exchanged a look, clearing their throats. shin nodded. 

“yeah, no worries,” wolfgang said. 

sys raised a brow, “please bring him back safe,” sys said. “i want him alive and well when we reach home.”

a tight lipped smile on wolfgang’s lips, “i’ll drive uh, my _pal_ shin back, no worries,” the words sounded stiff. 

sys made his way to his car, sliding into the driver seat and randolph was sitting shotgun. 

“my car’s over here,” wolfgang called as the remaining two made their way further into the parking lot. 

“has anyone ever told you— you sound extra heterosexual when you panic,” shin mused. 

wolfgang opened his mouth, “yeah, well you weren’t saying anything so _someone_ had to play it cool.”

the corner of shin’s mouth twitched, “okay _pal._ ”

—

when shin ducked into wolfgang’s car— he suddenly felt the atmosphere shift. he had been in here plenty of times. funnily enough, most of the times they spent in here were in the back seat. (shin felt a blush form at the thought). 

wolfgang mumbled something about it being hot, pulling his jumper over his head. his face was slightly flushed, hair mused as he balled the jumper in his hands and threw it carelessly behind him. he had a white shirt on, sleeves short and despite being baggy— as wolfgang reached behind for his belt— the material hugged the flexed muscle of his bicep. 

shin had never sat in the passenger seat next to the blonde. never watched as wolfgang used one hand to pull at his seat belt and the other to adjust the rearview mirror. 

oh.

shin watched wolfgang’s belt click next to his hip, shame burning through him as his eyes drifted towards wolfgang’s grey sweats. shin swallowed thickly— it really was hot in the car. 

shin’s eyes followed each movement, strangely mesmerised as he watched the blonde run a hand through his hair— hands moving rhythmically. 

“buckled in, soohyuk?” wolfgang asked casually as he started the ignition. 

shin’s hands fumbled, reaching for the belt as he pulled it over himself. (he needed to get a grip.)

wolfgang moved the handbrake down, hand on the wheel as he moved the other to the gear stick. 

wolfgang mumbled _mind your head_ as he placed a hand on the back of shin’s head rest. shin’s eyes widened. 

he felt cornered suddenly— like there was not nearly enough space between them. yet, shin didn’t move back. this close, wolfgang’s soft scent of laundry and dried fruits wafted towards shin. 

wolfgang turned his body around slightly, looking through the back window. 

shin held his breath, shoulders high as his eyes traced wolfgang’s neck. the blonde wordlessly moved the car backwards, head craning slightly as he spun the wheel effortlessly and shin felt like he was about to explode. 

because _he is reversing a car, why are you getting horny?_

shin wished he could chalk it up to wolfgang’s merciless teasing in the diner— but if he was honest— wolfgang looked so in control, so powerful with a hand on the wheel that shin knew the reason why he felt light headed.

as they pulled out of the parking space, wolfgang turned his body back to the front, hand moving from shin’s seat to grip the gear stick and shin noted the way the blonde’s hand enveloped it. a firm grip and wolfgang pushed, gears changing as his veins bulged and shin couldn't look away even if he tried. 

it was art— the way wolfgang moved the car through the car park. art— the way wolfgang easily merged into the light traffic with a smooth turn. art— the way wolfgang had one hand on the steering wheel, gently thrumming out a beat that he partnered with a beat on the gear stick. 

somewhere in shin’s head supplied shin with the information that wolfgang drove a manual. shin didn’t even know what that meant, but watching wolfgang shift gears as he sped up— shin decided he _really_ liked it. 

at a red light, the car slowed down and wolfgang glanced over at shin, “sorry i’m quiet. just thinking ‘bout all that’s happened,” wolfgang said. 

shin shuffled, “y-yeah, me too,” shin lied, looking at the empty road ahead of them. 

the sound of a car horn and the both of them were glancing over to the right. shin immediately recognised sys’ car, window rolling down as sys grinned at them. 

“fancy seeing you here!” sys called. 

wolfgang reached over shin (holy shit), hand winding down the window as he smiled mischievously, “crazy! what’re the odds?” the blonde called back. 

“fancy a race back to campus?” sys raised a brow. 

wolfgang’s grin widened, “you’re on.”

the blonde was pulling back both hands on the wheel as a smile pressed his lips into something devilishly handsome. the blonde’s hands gripped the wheel, adjusting in his seat. 

shin was blinking rapidly, “wait, what?”

wolfgang grinned, eyes on the traffic light. 

“buckle up, soohyuk,” was the only warning he gave as the light turned green. 

shin squeezed his eyes shut as the car lurched forward. it was like a push off a cliff and shin felt like he was falling— arms flailing wildly. he felt his back press against the seat, heart caught back at the lights as the car flew down the empty road. 

“wolfgang!” shin yelled in surprise as he gripped onto the dash, body locking up. 

wolfgang was laughing, it sounded endeared, unguarded and happy as he glanced over to sys in the lane next to them. shin felt his heart wanting to claim that laugh, lock it away and keep it safe. 

wolfgang was swinging around a turn, sys following tightly as the both hugged the angle. shin’s body moved with it, gasping as his hand pressed against the cool window. wolfgang straightened up, continuing down the street. 

the blonde let out a low whistle as he built up speed, “sys knows how to _drive_ ,” he remarked. 

shin felt a swell of pride for his friend that was quickly replaced by an ill feeling in his stomach as wolfgang followed the curve of the road at a speed that made shin’s stomach flip. he hated this. felt like he was on the verge of death and squeezing his eyes shut as the ground came rushing towards him. 

“you’re insane,” shin sounded breathless, eyes now wide and following the road like some endless nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from. yet, he couldn’t close his eyes. 

shin glanced at the speed pushing past eighty and he choked, “this is a suburb!” the smaller reprimanded and wolfgang was letting out a breathy laugh, gazing over at shin fondly. 

shin felt a hand press against his knee and suddenly — the speed was in the back of shin’s mind as he swallowed.

“take it easy, soohyuk,” the blonde calmed gently, hand squeezing.

“how am i supposed to take it easy in this death trap.”

“have a little faith.”

the two lanes their cars were in merged into one ahead and shin heard sys’ car rev behind him. shin turned his head to follow as sys’ dark purple car crawled ahead, humming as sys sped up. soon, they whizzed past wolfgang’s car and slid into their single lane. sys stuck his head out the window to look back at them, smile on his lips. 

wolfgang clicked his tongue, muttering out a _little shit_ with a smile on his lips. 

“now, don’t freak out on me, soohyuk,” wolfgang warned as he put his foot down on the accelerator. shin couldn’t protest as the car lurched forward, stealing shin’s breath. shin wordlessly gripped his seat. 

wolfgang moved their car into the opposite lane, gaining speed as his car inched up next to sys’ and shin felt his heart threaten to climb out his throat. 

if the speeding wasn’t dangerous enough— _this part definitely was._ shin felt his heart pound as they drove in the wrong lane— car gaining speed. 

shin briefly glanced to his left, looking at sys who flipped them off through the tinted window. 

shin looked ahead and he gasped, “wolfgang—“

a bus was thundering their way, lights bright and horn blaring. shin felt his heart freeze over, familiar anxiety and worry boiling up as he glanced nervously at the blonde. because this was the part where he hit the ground— where the falling ended with shin on the floor. 

wolfgang had other plans. he was setting his jaw, nudging the car to go faster. 

shin’s hand clamped down onto the blonde’s on his thigh, clinging onto wolfgang’s fingers as he sucked a breath in. he didn’t have the strength to muster a sound, simply filled his air with lungs and clung onto the hope that wolfgang knew what he was doing. wolfgang’s finger turned in shin’s hand, fingers gentle as they threaded through shin’s. 

and suddenly, shin felt invincible. 

shin let himself hold wolfgang’s hand tightly, the blonde pressed forward till the rear of his car was aligned with sys’ hood. he jerked the car forward, waiting till the last second before swinging in front of sys’ car and zooming ahead. 

like everything with wolfgang— shin felt the line between falling and flying blur. 

the bus charged past them, a distant memory as wolfgang squeezed shin’s hand on shin’s thigh.

“eat shit, asshole,” wolfgang laughed lightly as he turned out onto a wide empty road. 

and shin felt relief wash over him like a drug— adrenaline mixing in with the light heady feeling of the close call. a breathy noise left the smaller, airy and warm. shin may not have liked the dangerous part— but being _okay_ after the dangerous part sent a thrum through his body. it was _satisfying._ a cheap way of avoiding death. he felt like he was on top of the world and shin took a fresh breath in. 

shin had never been one to take risks— the most daring thing he tried was skipping the last step on a flight of stairs. 

but maybe, he understood it.

wolfgang hooted and moved their linked hands higher up shin’s thigh, the blonde’s head falling back against his headrest as he smiled happily. the blonde’s hair was fluffy and messed across his forehead— slight remnants of sweat beading down his temple. his chest was rising and falling, legs spread as he eased himself against his chair and calmed his breathing. 

shin felt his throat tighten. this time, his heart lurched in a different way.

shin wanted to put a had on wolfgang’s chest, feel the way his heart thundered to see if it was at the same pace as shin’s. he wanted to press his lips against the blonde— let them catch each other’s breaths as they panted against each other. 

_holy shit._ shin wanted wolfgang. wanted wolfgang to set his jaw and take him— grab him like he gripped the wheel, handle him as effortlessly as he did the turns, look at him— as dangerous as his smile.

when the blonde accelerated, shin’s stomach dropped and he didn’t hate it. he clung onto wolfgang’s hand— excused himself because he was scared and trembling. wolfgang turned his hand over easily, fingers tracing the inside of shin’s palm and shin glanced over at the blonde. 

“do you know how to drive manual?” wolfgang was asking and shin managed a shake of his head. “here, let me teach you,” wolfgang whispered, hand taking shin’s and guiding it to the gear stick. 

his eyes were on the road, slowly glancing over at shin— hooded and swimming with a heady desire. because maybe wolfgang wanted to take shin like he took the car— swift and mercilessly. 

(shin wondered if the adrenaline hit a spot deep in wolfgang’s stomach as well. made something twist and curl through him— hot and dripping.)

the rest of the ride felt like a fever dream. the car glided and shin let himself relax— eased his shoulders and felt wolfgang’s hand gently press into his thigh once more. 

the blonde lowly whispered to shin when to move the stick— shin doing as he was instructed with a thickness in his throat. 

as wolfgang sped up, the instructions came out breathier and shin’s grip tightened on the stick, nodding shakily. 

the adrenaline still simmered in shin— spiked and made shin feel like he was flying whenever the car picked up enough speed to leave the ground for a second. 

sometimes, a startled gasp would sound from shin’s lips— the car jerking and making him tense up. wolfgang’s fingers would gently squeeze, move higher up shin’s inner thigh. shin would melt back into his seat, breathing out through his nose. he let his mind focus on wolfgang’s hand pressing into his upper leg as the blonde sped up. a comfort in the shaky waters. 

and that hand burned through any fear and turned the thrill into something sweet and light. like melting chocolate on the tongue— shin let himself take it all in. 

no matter how much he wanted to despise the risk of it all, his heart stuttered as wolfgang leaned in to tell him to change gears. 

he couldn’t deny the way his face flushed when the blonde’s hand rewarded shin with a squeeze of his thigh. couldn’t deny that the way wolfgang controlled each dip of the road made shin’s mind flatline and empty until shin was left staring at wolfgang in the driver’s seat— breathless and flustered. 

shin never thought he was into cars. but _pretty boys in cars—_ shin thought, _maybe he was into that._

wolfgang was moving shin’s hand to the wheel now, telling shin to steer while changing gears. it was hypnotic— the way wolfgang’s words were gentle and had shin following easily. _far too easily._ the adrenaline made shin reckless— made his movements jerky and breath short. 

shin glanced briefly up at wolfgang, seeing the blonde look at him with those eyes that told shin wolfgang didn’t intend to look away. told shin he wanted to look long and hard— admire shin. 

the smaller’s lips parted slightly, eyes falling on wolfgang’s lips. wolfgang was taking shin by the chin, titling his head to the road and shin gasped, realised he had veered them out of the lane and quickly jerked the car back into line. 

shin whispered endless apologies and _i’m so bad at this_ but wolfgang’s hand moved to the back of shin’s neck, squeezing gently as he played with the short tufts of shin’s hair. 

wolfgang hummed easily, _you’re okay,_ the blonde said gently. _we can slow down if you want._

shin shook his hand to his own surprise, could hear the smile when wolfgang said _okay._

wolfgang’s hand hovered over shin’s hand on the gear, other hand gently adjusting the wheel as he murmured to shin soft orders. it was shin’s safety cushion— made him feel brave enough to be reckless because wolfgang was right there. the blonde would close over shin’s hands and fix his mistakes. each time shin followed, wolfgang praised and shin felt a shiver through him at each one. 

wolfgang was telling shin to pull the wheel tightly when wolfgang told him to.

shin nodded shakily, hand gripping the wheel. 

on cue, shin turned the wheel as wolfgang pressed down on the pedals, hand overlapping shin’s as he shifted gears and the car swung into the driveway of the campus. 

shin felt his teeth clench, heart hammering in his chest as wolfgang urged him to hold it until they had spun a full circle and the car stopped. 

wolfgang and shin sat there for a moment, breaths coming hard as they gazed at each other. 

sys was pulling up next to them, car window winding down.

“you’re a madman, wolfgang,” sys laughed, hand hanging out of the window. 

“you know how to handle your turns,” wolfgang said once his window was down as well. 

“we should do this again sometime. dinner and the race.”

“sure. i’ll be happy to beat you again,” wolfgang grinned. 

“trust me— you wouldn’t be able to beat me if i was trying,” sys challenged. sys was looking back at randolph, saying a few words before leaning back out the window, “i think we’re gonna’ cuddle and watch a movie. _bonding time_ , you know?” sys winked and wolfgang scrunched his nose. 

“please, just — leave before i’m sick.”

sys was laughing again, yelling out a goodbye to shin. the sound of his laughter carried lightly through the air as his car pulled away and down to the driveway of alpha gold.

shin and wolfgang sat in silence for a moment, holding their breaths. the adrenaline was still fresh— hadn’t quite left shin’s system and when shin glanced over at wolfgang, he didn’t comment on the fact that the blonde's hand was on his thigh. 

shin opened his mouth, “you’re insane,” he managed, breathless. 

wolfgang hummed, soft smile on his lips as he watched shin take another breath in. 

“you are _completely_ insane,” shin iterated.

wolfgang hummed, a sort of quiet secret on his features as turned to shin. he put a hand on the back of the smaller’s headrest. 

“that was fucking insane,” shin whispered. . 

“you took the wheel,” the blonde reminded, voice holding notes of awe. “ _you’re_ insane. you’re incredible,” the blonde still had a hand on shin’s thigh— the touch searing through everything and buzzing into shin’s mind with his heartbeat. it was sensory overload— a static electricity that burned into the all too small space in the car. 

shin nodded slowly— body high and adrenaline surging through him. he felt like he was about to hurl his heart right out of his chest. 

he never wanted it to end. 

  
  


shin looked at wolfgang and wolfgang’s gaze was heavy— golden eyes holding so much wicked intent as he openly ogled shin— eyes shameless. 

and shin realised that this car was small— and the space between them, just like the car, was small. shin realised why everything about this had him so riled up. 

it felt like sex— the high in his head and the hand on his thigh. shin felt like he was on fire, every part of his body liquid and melting until he melded into that hand on his thigh and the feeling of being next to wolfgang. 

his heart was beating and silent all at once as wolfgang held shin’s eyes evenly— a challenge in a different form that made shin’s throat dry and mouth water. 

shin felt the red in his cheeks grow hotter, heart beat wild as the hand squeezed his thigh. 

because that squeeze felt like it was an innuendo— hidden meanings overlapped into one. _i want you._ and shin’s mind was overheating — because maybe shin wanted him too. 

shin didn’t look away, breath stuck in his chest as his mind was flatlining and his heart was electric. 

wolfgang surged forward, arms pushing against the console as his lips clashed with shin. their teeth clacked— the sharp pain lingering as wolfgang grabbed onto shin’s face and backed the smaller towards his car door. 

shin let out a noise of relief, hands scrambling to cling onto wolfgang as he moaned unabashedly into the kiss— sounds devoured by wolfgang’s hungry lips. 

wolfgang was ravenous— leaving shin with nothing as he pushed the smaller further back, hands on shin’s seat. wolfgang left shin with no room to think of anything but how hot he felt— how his body was sweaty and pooling with desire and want and —

shin was desperate. 

he wanted it so bad it ached his chest and made him squeeze his thighs shut and wolfgang was merciless— lips running through shin’s like the tires through the road. 

it was crass and reckless but it left shin’s head spinning and chest heaving—

“wolfgang,” shin managed a moan between a moment of separation and the blonde was on him in a heartbeat— hands grabbing at the back of shin’s neck and keeping him against wolfgang. 

it was rough and shin thought he could just about die in that moment. shin felt the hand on his thigh move up and the smaller squeezed his legs together tighter— a whine building up in the back of his throat. 

wolfgang was prying his legs apart and shin shuddered, electricity down his spine as wolfgang’s hands pressed forward— gripping at shin’s upper thigh and making shin’s head fall back. 

wolfgang didn’t let shin take a breath, head tilting down to seize shin’s lips even as the smaller arched away in pleasure. shin’s hands were fisting at wolfgang’s shirt— body recoiling and reaching all at once and shin felt his mind leave him as wolfgang’s palm pressed against his crotch. 

“wolfgang,” it was a prayer for shin’s life— a cry for destruction and salvation and it felt so wrong in the best way. 

wolfgang pushed his tongue against shin’s— the muscle moving against each other as he breathed in the smaller— hands rough and then careful— torturous yet forgiving. 

“you’re fucking incredible,” wolfgang growled and shin keened, the pleasure running shin’s mind white hot. 

“touch me. touch me, wolfgang— _please—“_

wolfgang was kissing shin, sultry and slow— memorising the dip of shin’s lips and the curve of his cupid’s bow. his tongue traced the seam of shin’s lips and shin opened his mouth easily— a vessel for wolfgang to do as he pleased and wolfgang ravished him gently. 

a soft whine— a demand from shin for more and wolfgang’s hand was squeezing shin’s crotch, teeth biting into shin’s bottom lip till pleasure and pain blurred into one. 

“i want to touch you,” wolfgang was breathless, eyes running over shin as the smaller whimpered. 

wolfgang dipped low to trace his tongue down shin’s neck— teeth finding purchase in and sinking in till skin broke and shin was bleeding. 

shin was so hard it hurt. 

shin opened his mouth to plead wolfgang’s name but wolfgang took shin’s breath and pushed his hands past the band of shin’s pants. 

wolfgang’s tongue laved at the bite mark soothingly and shin pressed his cheek to wolfgang’s head— desperate to take away any distance between the two. 

shin was gripping at the car seat— all thoughts zeroing in on wolfgang and his hands moving on shin and the way his lips traced shin’s neck gently. 

wolfgang’s hands gripped and squeezed and pulled — shin could only whimper and whine— blushing prettily as he leaned into wolfgang. 

shin’s hands were grabbing at the material of wolfgang’s shirt, tugging at the material until wolfgang pulled back. 

the blonde was reaching back, grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head. shin’s hands were lifting the material up from the bottom— helping wolfgang rid himself of the cloth. once off, shin let his fingers rest on wolfgang’s shoulders— breathing shallow. he felt the muscle move as wolfgang moved closer to shin. 

there wasn’t a word, shin simply letting himself drink wolfgang in. the smaller let his fingers lead his eyes— slowly tracing down wolfgang’s pectorals, the dip in his sternum and the hard ridges of his abdomen. 

shin had this urge to run his tongue over the lines of muscle on wolfgang’s stomach. shin swallowed hard, dragging his eyes back to wolfgang who watched the smaller— eyes dark. 

there was something different about their desperation— needy in a way that made shin terrified. because he wanted and he _wanted_.

wolfgang put his hand on shin’s seat once more. shin watched as wolfgang closed the gap between them, felt his lips part as wolfgang glanced at shin’s mouth. 

and wolfgang was leaning in— placing a different type of kiss on shin’s lips. one that felt like embers on shin’s tongue— slow and mesmerising. 

shin’s eyes fluttered closed, a noise catching in the back of his throat as wolfgang kissed him like they were two boys in a car who didn’t hate each other. like they were two boys in a car who wanted to be at the other’s mercy. 

it was startling— deafening. the silence of them holding one another screamed so many things to shin and shin let it go on. 

shin couldn’t help the way his fingers dug into wolfgang’s sides, tongue tantalising as shin arched his neck up into wolfgang. 

the kiss was sweet in the dirtiest way— a promise of ruining shin with utter tenderness and it made shin want to rip his own heart out. 

shin felt the heat simmer once more, another wave hitting him and it had his hands reaching into wolfgang’s hair, tugging. 

the kiss turned electric, wolfgang grabbing shin’s waist and tugging until shin’s head hit the window. 

the pain was distant in shin’s mind, body too focused on wolfgang’s hand that pushed the cardigan off shin’s shoulders. 

“you’re so pretty,” wolfgang whispered against shin’s jaw as he pulled the cardigan off— shin’s arms clumsily pulling out of the material. 

wolfgang was discarding it somewhere in the backseat as shin looked up at wolfgang through his glasses. looked at wolfgang like he was his saving grace. 

wolfgang was taking the material of shin’s black shirt, lifting it up to reveal a sliver of pale skin. shin felt his breath hitch at the brush of wolfgang’s warm knuckles against his lower stomach. 

shin bit back a whimper as wolfgang bent down, lips pressing against the exposed skin. wolfgang inched the shirt higher, trailing his kisses up and this time — shin couldn’t help it— couldn’t fight the high whine in his throat, eyes closing at the feeling. 

shin let the soft sounds fall off his lips as wolfgang persisted, kisses slow and deliberate on the stretch of shin’s skin. 

shin felt weightless, shirt bunched up under his armpits as wolfgang brought a hand to shin’s upper back, pushing shin to arch into wolfgang’s kisses. 

shin dropped his head back, no retaliation as wolfgang’s lips broke shin down into nothing. 

“wolfgang,” shin’s voice was breathless, a shaky gasp in as he swallowed, “ _please.”_

shin didn’t know what he wanted— mind delirious as he wanted a fix to the torturous pleasure but wanted to stay right there at the mercy of wolfgang’s lips. 

wolfgang hushed him easily, lips tracing up his neck and to his jaw— sucking a deep red into shin’s skin over the jut of bone. wolfgang pulled back, looking down as he held shin in his arms, had him wrapped and pulled close to the blonde’s body. 

wolfgang pressed a kiss on the corner of shin’s lips, then below the smaller’s glasses. he let go of shin in favour of reaching to the eyepiece, slowly pulling them off shin’s face and folding them. wolfgang tucked it into a cup holder, turning back to shin. 

“what do you want?” wolfgang asked, fingers tracing shin’s collarbone. 

“whatever you want,” shin managed, breath caught at the feeling of wolfgang’s touch. 

wolfgang looked at shin, eyes careful as he glanced over the smaller. 

“okay,” wolfgang was saying, hands wrapping around shin and lifting. 

shin gasped at the showcase of stength, wolfgang moving back to sit in the driver’s seat, taking shin with him. shin’s legs clumsily hit the gear stick, hands reaching behind him to steady on the dash board. 

wolfgang pulled shin closer, forcing shin’s hands to steady on wolfgang’s broad shoulders instead. shin tucked his legs as he straddled wolfgang, eyes on the blonde and the blonde stared back longingly. 

“gonna’ be good for me, soohyuk?” wolfgang asked. 

and the blonde had asked shin that question so many times— but this time was different. this time, there was no tease to his voice. just fondness. 

shin swallowed, unable to look away from wolfgang. he nodded slowly, “i’ll be good,” shin said, “for… for you—i’ll be good.”. 

shin’s mind thought briefly of the rules— _what were they again?_ he was almost certain there was a breach somewhere here— that lines had definitely been crossed and there were red flags everywhere but shin kissed wolfgang and everything faded. 

his mind had only room for wolfgang, for the way the blonde’s hips slowly grinded against shin’s and the smaller moved along with it. for the way wolfgang held shin by the neck as he panted into the blonde’s mouth. 

wolfgang pushed two fingers against shin’s lips, tapping gently. shin opened his mouth easily, taking wolfgang’s fingers into his mouth. he let the blonde push till he felt his body react, gagging slightly. shin closed his eyes, taking the fingers deeper still. 

shin’s breaths were messy, saliva pooling in his mouth as he sucked on the fingers in his mouth. 

“feel good?” wolfgang asked and shin nodded slowly, head swimming, “can you cum like this?” wolfgang bucked his hips, squeezing shin’s neck gently. 

shin slowly nodded again, “can — but don’t want to,” shin said around the fingers, forehead pressing against wolfgang’s. wolfgang pulled the fingers out of shin’s mouth, pressing his lips on the corner of shin’s mouth. 

“if i asked you to cum like this, would you?” 

shin hesitated, feeling wolfgang run a hand down shin’s spine. shin felt wolfgang dip his fingers past shin’s pants, into his briefs. wet, long fingers brushed against shin’s entrance. shin shuddered, body quivering as he nodded once more. 

“you would?” wolfgang asked, voice even, “tell me why that is, soohyuk.”

shin opened his eyes, teeth clenching as wolfgang circled shin’s rim, fingers teasing. 

shin’s mind wanted to think of nothing— begged shin to be taken by wolfgang utterly and completely. shin mindlessly listened. 

“b-because you asked,” shin replied delicately, “because… because i’m—“ shin felt wolfgang squeeze the meat of his ass, a teasing smile on the blonde’s face. 

“go on,” wolfgang urged softly. 

“because,” shin’s fingers encased wolfgang’s neck, holding it carefully, “i’m your baby boy.”

wolfgang hummed, “shin soohyuk,” wolfgang marveled, lips brushing against shin’s and shin held onto each word, “my baby boy.”

shin felt his body react, clenching and unclenching as he shuddered in wolfgang’s hold. 

there were no snide remarks, no conditions. wolfgang said it with reverence and adoration and shin’s fingers dug into wolfgang’s back as he kissed wolfgang, long fingers pushing passed shin’s rim. 

shin felt his head loll back slightly, bucking his hips against wolfgang at the sudden intrusion. shin panted as the two fingers worked in him— slow but deep, pushing shin as he gripped onto wolfgang’s arm. shin’s chest flattened against wolfgang’s, lips pressing into the blonde’s head as he panted. 

wolfgang pushed a third finger in, shin’s back going rigid, a cry from his lips as his body adjusted to it all. wolfgang kissed along shin’s neck, tongue tracing the smaller’s collarbones. shin was taking wolfgang’s face in his hands, eyes glazed as he lifted the blonde’s lips up to meet his own.

shin could feel his heart soaring, high and free as wolfgang held onto him. 

they both sighed into the feeling— arms wrapping around each other as wolfgang moved the fingers faster in shin, the smaller letting out a moan at the stretch. 

“wolfgang— need you,” shin whined, burying his face in wolfgang’s neck as he pressed his hips against wolfgang, “i’m— please.”

wolfgang was pulling his fingers out of shin, leaning back in the seat as shin let out a shaky breath, missing the feeling. 

wolfgang watched him shudder, leaning in to press a kiss against shin’s temple.

“needy,” wolfgang hummed gently as he pulled back again. 

shin looked down at wolfgang’s waist, fingers running along the muscle until he brushed along the v-shape of wolfgang’s hips. 

shin watched the muscles in wolfgang’s stomach quiver, mouth watering as he eyed the prominent bulge in wolfgang’s sweats. 

shin reached a hand down, fingers gripping the length through the material and watched as the muscles in wolfgang’s stomach seized up—

shin let out a whine, eyes up at wolfgang and wolfgang grabbed shin, pulling him back onto his lips with a growl. 

“needy,” wolfgang whispered between kisses, “so _fucking_ needy.”

and shin was needy. it was desperation mixed with the gentleness of wolfgang’s hands and he wanted to be taken by this wolfgang— the one who’s eyes were too soft and words so quiet. 

“i want you,” shin pulled away and wolfgang chased him, kissing shin. shin pulled away again, “i want—“ another kiss on his lips and shin was gasping for air, “—you. i want you. i—“ wolfgang held shin against his lips, the smaller trying to mumble his desire again but shin was weak. he melted easily and let his words run onto wolfgang’s tongue with a muffled noise. 

shin felt his mind breaking and his body align with his heart as he keened and shuddered and it was all for wolfgang— mind so overwhelmed and shin so breathless. he didn’t know what he was doing— just knew it was so much. 

wolfgang only pulled away when he was satisfied, when shin was breathless and staring aimlessly at wolfgang. 

“you’re letting me kiss you,” wolfgang whispered, like he himself hadn’t realised till just now. 

maybe it was a cruel twist of irony, but shin leaned in and kissed wolfgang— didn’t want to be reminded of why they couldn’t have this. 

because in this moment it was wolfgang and shin. that’s what shin wanted. shin wanted and wanted and _wanted._

wolfgang ran a hand up shin’s spine— mouth hot and burning through shin. 

shin moaned as he felt their crotches brush against each other. wolfgang grabbed shin’s hips, held them down against the blonde as he grinded up into shin. 

“fuck,” the blonde sighed, head falling back. 

shin gripped the seat, head falling forwards as he let out a stuttery noise. none of it felt real— too unguarded. too good. 

_too good._

shin was drifting and he felt terrified. he couldn’t see ground. couldnt see anything— head too far up in the clouds. 

_because shin was flying_. 

wolfgang slowed his hips, let shin feel every drag between the thin material of the sweats. shin let out a gasp, feeling wolfgang press against him had shin’s mind reeling— 

_and it was a nightmare._

“wolfgang?” shin asked, voice panicked as his mouth brushed against the blonde’s.

wolfgang looked up, “yeah?”

“i-i think i’m losing my mind,” shin stuttered honestly. 

wolfgang was taken aback, surprised laugh in response as his hips hesitated slightly. 

“why do you think that?” wolfgang asked gently, hand running through shin’s hair, wiping the sweat from shin’s temple. 

wolfgang slowed their hips and shin swallowed. 

“i don’t know,” shin was quiet, voice suddenly too loud in the car. “i…”

 _i want things that i don’t understand_.

wolfgang had stopped moving under shin. 

“hey, soohyuk?” wolfgang was calling, hand taking shin’s cheek as he peered at the smaller. 

the blonde looked at him with a concerned look. 

“hey, why are you crying?” wolfgang asked softly. 

and shin didn’t realise it until the tears spilled from his wide eyes. wolfgang’s fingers gently reached up— brushing at them. shin felt his heart pull, ball up and try to break through his chest. 

“soohyuk?” wolfgang tried again, shin shook his head slowly, hands coming up to wipe the tears. shin took a weighted breath in, “soohyuk, talk to me?”

shin shook his head firmly again— words refusing to leave his lips. he knew that he wanted to tell wolfgang so badly— that his lips sealed up and his words were swallowed whole and his mind locked up. 

“shin,” wolfgang said softly. 

and shin froze. 

because it wasn’t soohyuk, or baby— or any of the other names wolfgang called him. 

it was shin _._ for the first time. it was _shin_. quiet and sincere— like the name had been practised on wolfgang’s tongue for a moment like this. like wolfgang had saved that name and his heart to present to the smaller in some beautifully quiet promise. like wolfgang had waited for a moment when he could tenderly reach up to take shin’s face and brush lips against the smaller. waited for when it was just wolfgang and shin —

“i can’t do this anymore,” shin said quietly. 

the words were shattering— startling to shin as he felt his heart hammer in his chest. shin’s face was void of anything, eyes still wide as his mouth moved in a methodical manner—

“we can’t do this anymore,” shin’s voice had more body— strength in the form of cowardice coming from some broken place inside shin, “this isn’t going to work out.”

and when wolfgang stared at shin— when he looked at the smaller, shin could swear that he heard the sound of a heart shattering. shin watched the way wolfgang took in a heavy breath, eyes fluttering as he tried to make sense of shin’s words. 

“wait, soohyuk, i…” wolfgang scrambled, trying to desperately piece them both together again. shin was still— eyes on some place away from wolfgang. mind anywhere but here. 

there was silence for a moment, time moving painfully slow. 

shin was reaching for the door handle and wolfgang was taking his wrist, pulling his hand back against the blonde’s chest. 

“shin...” wolfgang whispered earnestly. and shin felt it— the blonde’s heart hammering away beneath his fingers. the hopefulness in his eyes. the way he took a breath in for the smaller, “shin, stay,” the blonde pleaded. 

and the scariest thing was— shin wanted to. 

shin _wanted._

but it was easier this way. 

“goodbye, wolfgang.” shin said as his body moved on its own accord. 

shin had a hand on the door handle, pulling it open. wolfgang sat unmoving— shock immobilising him as shin ducked through the door and stood. shin staggered slightly, feet unsteady. he willed himself to stand strong— and so he did. the cold bit into shin’s skin as reality sank into him. 

he hurted all over— eyes red and puffy and holding his breath as he walked. 

“shin,” wolfgang called from the car and shin didn’t look back. couldn’t bring himself to look wolfgang in the eye again. shin continued walking, steps quickening in pace. 

because it was time for shin to wake up. 

“please,” the blonde called, “i’m… shin i think i’m in love with you.”

shin squeezed his eyes shut— let his dreams break and crumble and let gentle touches become a distant memory. 

shin didn’t turn back. 

not when the cold became unbearable, not when the words played on repeat in his head, not when the tears lined his eyes, not even when they spilled over and shin wrapped his arms around himself. 

shin didn’t turn back once. 

couldn’t. 

because in the end—

  
  
  


flying was as terrifying as falling. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_(dear wolfgang,_

_i heard a heart shatter— but i don’t know if it was yours or mine.)_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


rules broken: 3/4

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i did not start the chapter with the plan of ending it the way i did..  
> also i was thinking of making a playlist for this fic? if anyone is interested let me know :)
> 
> p.s. the only reason sys lost so easily was because randolph was probably definitely giving him head while driving haha byyeee <3


	6. precious basket case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which wolfgang is a quick leaner.
> 
> (and he wishes he wasn't.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> playlist for [i'll break your (pretty) face](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RebrQfC2qswHJyzQb8RuC?si=-Dfq_ztDQjehvOITruFEQQ)

wolfgang was a quick learner. 

a blessing and a curse. 

they had stood in the lake that fateful day— minds buzzing with the alcohol in their veins.

_ shin dove at wolfgang and wolfgang didn’t dodge. it was a mess, limbs flailing and wolfgang putting up a half-hearted struggle as shin had taken them into the water. wolfgang knew that shin was stubborn— wouldn’t give up— so, wolfgang let the smaller drag him down.  _

_ wolfgang gazed on shin under the moonlight. the smaller’s chest was rising and falling, his eyes clashing with the pale of his skin and wolfgang felt his heart grow ten times that night. _

_ he felt like a child with a crush, cheeks warm and breath tumbling.  _

wolfgang had an epiphany in that moment.

_ he wanted to kiss shin soohyuk. he always had. from the first moment wolfgang had seen shin—his heart was adamant on holding shin against his lips. he wasn’t sure why it took this long to realise it—it didn’t help that shin was enchanting. _

_ shin soohyuk, who wore the moonlight like an accessory and shone like a precious jewel in the lake. wolfgang wanted to feel just how small that waist was and see just how delicate shin could look under him. but it was more than that—because wolfgang wanted to kiss shin. he wanted to softly cherish him and that feeling was so foreign in his chest—that it made his heart beat wildly. _

_ like some marvellous gift from above, it was shin who was moving forward. shin who was kissing the blonde, lips pressing and brash. and when shin kissed him for the first time— the blonde closed his eyes, the sweet hum of his heart playing against the smaller’s lips. he did as he desired. he was soft and took his time. _

_ it was short lived— shin was pulling away all too quickly, hands shaky and falling back into the lake. the blonde looked at him— the way water had dampened his black shirt and made it cling to the smaller’s frame. the way his glasses were slightly crooked and his eyes were wide.  _

_ it was all too quick. _

_ shin was spitting in the water, rubbing where the blonde’s lips had touched. wolfgang learnt for the first time— that shin was capable of making his heart sink low in his chest.  _

_ wolfgang wanted nothing more than to reach out and let his hands touch the smaller again— soft and careful as he peered at his pretty face.  _

_ shin spat another time in the water and the blonde was turning away, hiding his desire like he hid the hurt on his features. wolfgang said something half-heartedly, an attempt to remind himself of what they couldn’t be. a feeble hope that maybe the words would sting for shin like shin made wolfgang’s heart sting. and yet— _

_ shin was moving closer, saying “yeah, but you kissed back”. wolfgang felt his mind go still as shin’s breath hit his ear, “you liked it” _

_ and wolfgang felt overwhelmed because it was true and he felt betrayed because it was shin who had kissed him—shin who had pulled him in. it was shin who started it and shin who made him feel ashamed for letting himself be kissed.  _

_ wolfgang reached out, pushing shin away. it wasn’t cruel, just pleading. a gentle hand to the smaller’s shoulder to ask him for mercy. _

_ the hand seemed to do more to shin than expected, the smaller letting his body fall back with the momentum. the lake claimed shin and wolfgang panicked, hands reaching out to take him back. wolfgang had pushed but that’s not what he wanted to do. he wanted to pull.  _

_ so he lifted shin out of the water. _

_ the smaller’s dark hair clung to his face, water running down his nose and over his glasses. his eyes were opening weakly as he spluttered a cough. wolfgang’s hands held onto shin’s waist and lifted his head up—watching as shin rose out of the water like a dream. _

_ shin glowed so beautifully, wolfgang felt his breath hitch as he tried to stutter an apology— _

_ his back was hitting the water as shin shoved him roughly. the blonde was going under, arms flailing slightly. his hands found the bottom of the lakebed and he pushed himself back up. _

_ when the blonde broke past the surface, his mind was confused and lost, “seriously, what the fuck are we doing” he shouted. _

_ he felt deranged. stuck in a loop of some terrible rerun that had him losing every time. he didn’t want to be a part of this.  _

_ yet, he couldn’t walk away, couldn’t storm off and leave shin in the dirty lake. all wolfgang could do, was watch as shin came in again—leaning closer. _

_ wolfgang thought of pulling away, thought about how it felt like burning in an awful way when shin had rubbed his lips raw because of the blonde. how he had felt his pride sting and how if he leaned in, it would probably make him pathetic.  _

_ but like all things with shin, wolfgang couldn’t look away. he was held there by the smaller’s dark gaze—held there as the smaller closed the gap and kissed wolfgang again. _

_ wolfgang closed his eyes because he didn’t care for pride, didn’t care how idiotic it made him for letting shin do as he pleased. he only cared for shin. _

_ what wolfgang  _ wanted _ was to kiss shin. and that made him a fool.  _

_ this time, wolfgang was all hard edges against shin’s lips— he didn’t want shin to pull away again. _

_ wolfgang was a quick learner. _

_ he learnt that shin wouldn't leave if wolfgang pressed his tongue into shin’s mouth and grabbed his chin roughly. learned that shin moved closer when wolfgang’s hand grabbed the smaller’s waist and pulled. because if wolfgang wanted shin— he couldn’t have what he wanted.  _

_ so, wolfgang took his desires, stilled his heart and let his hands push into shin. told his fingers to be rough and forceful as he moved the smaller into his lap. made his hands move quickly— despite how they wanted to treasure the dip in shin’s curves and trace the shape of his hips.  _

_ because when wolfgang was gentle, shin had pulled away, but this way—maybe shin would stay. _

_ despite what wolfgang wanted—he let shin drag him deeper into the lake and told himself to take shin hard. what wolfgang wanted was more— but maybe, just having shin was enough. _

_ wolfgang realised in that lake—that this was the closest shin would ever be to being his. _

__

_ — _

there were rules.

wolfgang was a quick leaner, so the rules became apparent all too quickly.

it was a game between them—shin made an effort to make wolfgang’s life hell so that wolfgang would grab shin and take him, but never as he truly desired. 

wolfgang was a willing pawn in shin’s game. helpless, but willing. so, he in return played along. 

wolfgang knew that if he were to lay softness on shin—the smaller wouldn’t come back. 

the blonde used the anger and the frustration—let himself get riled up so he could ignore the hammering of his heart whenever shin was under him. ignore the way he wanted to be more than two bodies and waves of pleasure. ignored the things wolfgang knew he couldn’t change. he didn’t want to push and break the already-fragile ground where they stood.

wolfgang wanted shin—but he learnt he couldn’t have him.

that didn’t stop wolfgang from finding other ways to show his heart.

once, wolfgang had been on top of shin, breaths heavy as they both held onto the other. wolfgang had moved his hand on top of shin’s—gently trying to slot his fingers through the smaller’s. 

there was a moment, a look in shin’s eyes that shined through the pleasure. one that reached out and made shin’s fingers brush delicately against wolfgang’s.

then, wolfgang saw shin’s features darken. like a cord snapping, shin recoiled from the touch. the smaller balled up his fists— dropping his gaze away from the blonde as he took a shaky breath in. wolfgang felt his heart drop.

it was a declaration—a stern warning to wolfgang that made his heart pound in his ears and a queasiness take over. 

wolfgang swallowed the rejection down—opting to curl his hand around shin’s wrist. the smaller didn’t look at him for the rest of their time together.

wolfgang learnt to never take shin’s hand.

it didn’t mean wolfgang didn’t want to. he did. so, when the feeling struck wolfgang to take shin’s hand, he would instead take shin’s wrist. sometimes roughly and sometimes— (to his preference—) gently. 

he would let his thumb brush against the jut of bone, linger over shin’s pulse and watch the smaller come undone underneath him.

what wolfgang  _ wanted _ was to hold shin’s hand—but the small of shin’s wrist, that would do. __

_ that would be enough.  _

if wolfgang tried to kiss shin with a delicate look in his eye—shin would turn his face away. the smaller would purse his lips and hold his head at a distance. 

wolfgang tried it once—a simple kiss when the two had crossed paths and there was no hostility. no anger. nothing burning in each other’s chest except for sweetness.

shin had avoided wolfgang for two weeks after the incident.

wolfgang felt lost, heart low and scrambling for ideas. he did what he did best— he caught shin’s attention. 

he decided to put fish insides in the bed of all the alpha blues (an extra helping for shin of course) and hope for the outcome he ached for. 

sure enough, the smaller was marching over to wolfgang—grabbing him by the collar and pressing his lips, hot and angry, against wolfgang’s. 

the blonde closed his eyes, relief washing over him as he let himself melt into shin because  _ thank goodness. _

and he wasn’t allowed to kiss shin with sweetness, but maybe that was okay. because when shin was pushed up against a wall and holding onto wolfgang—when the smaller made the blonde’s heart sing—the blonde would lean in, press his nose against shin’s temple and close his eyes.

it wasn’t a kiss.

it  _ couldn’t  _ be a kiss.

but it felt soft like one. delicate. and shin would let himself press into the touch. it made wolfgang’s heart feel warm and the blonde decided maybe it was okay if he couldn’t kiss shin the way he wanted to—because he could hold him like  _ this. _

_ and maybe that was enough. _

the hardest rule to understand was shin’s temperament around tenderness. the area was grey, confusing to wolfgang. the blonde would sometimes lean in to press his nose against shin’s and the smaller would panic, jerking away.

yet, shin would let out a soft sigh as wolfgang ran his fingers over the curve of shin’s spine. wolfgang didn’t know how to navigate it—how he was meant to touch shin when the smaller was so wary around certain brushes. 

all the blonde knew was that the crueller he was to shin—the further he pushed the smaller off the edge and held his pleasure away from him—the sweeter shin would let wolfgang be. wolfgang was allowed to tell shin how pretty he was if he first held shin down and ruined him.

the more shin cried, the more shin would let himself be cherished—let wolfgang press a kiss on the side of his face and pull him close. 

wolfgang felt selfish. guilty, when shin would come so easily after the blonde broke him.

that was until shin was in wolfgang’s arms. the blonde would close his eyes—let his heart spill over and coat the smaller in a soft warmth. everything seemed distant then. the rivalry, the expectations and even the rules. that was all wolfgang knew to do. 

the blonde learnt that this was when he could be tender—treat shin the way he wanted. just for those moments. so, he swallowed his guilt for the warmth of shin. 

that’s what wolfgang always waited for. the moments when what wolfgang desired and what he could do crossed. wolfgang lived in the grey where shin wasn’t completely his—but where shin was nearly his. that’s all wolfgang could have. 

_ and that too, was enough. _

just a fragment of shin. just a piece of the smaller next to him. just a brush of fingers and the holding of wrists. just the warmth of shin. 

it was all small. finite. it had no substance and was always threatening to collapse in on itself—wolfgang knew those things but that was them.

_ and it was enough.  _

wolfgang was a quick learner. he had learnt—the rules were what kept them together.

if wolfgang moved in a way that threatened them, shin would pull away and one of these days—wolfgang was sure he wouldn’t return.

keep to the rules.

_ just find a way around them. _

yet—

over the six months they had done their game, wolfgang noticed things. 

they were small but it was enough to put some spark of hope deep in his chest. 

shin started calling wolfgang’s name gently when he shuddered and reached his climax. 

shin had started running his fingers down wolfgang’s arms, as if he wanted to etch wolfgang’s shape into his memory. 

shin would look up—just for a moment, eyes wide and holding wolfgang so carefully— and the blonde would feel his heart stutter.

it was small—but it was there. and it only grew. the touches lingering longer, shin’s eyes following wolfgang, the blonde’s name spilling from shin’s lips as a reminder of the way wolfgang felt for shin. 

it was all there and left wolfgang’s world spinning—hands reaching to pull shin closer.

as time passed, shin began pulling wolfgang closer as well, began letting soft touches mingle with the rougher ones. shin let wolfgang do what he had wanted to—be gentle and whisper softness into the space between them.

time took wolfgang and shin, and began melting them — softening their hard edges and pushing them together. there was a quiet string that pulled at them— soft laughs shared under sheets and secret smiles around corners. they were changing and wolfgang moved with it— charged through with a simple dedication. 

the more he learnt about shin, the more he  _ wanted  _ to learn about shin. the more he touched the smaller’s skin, the more he craved for it. the longer he thought of kissing shin— the more it would haunt his dreams and fill his fantasies. 

the rules that wolfgang had held onto like a lifeline, slowly began deteriorating— they had been tender— _ of course they had  _ been tender. underneath it all, wolfgang was always gentle with shin. the line was crossed like it was never really there— wolfgang fussing over shin’s poor sleeping habits when they had finished and shin letting him. 

(shin had said he remembered their lake— wolfgang smiled.)

on the night of the beach party, as the weather stormed— they had kissed in the back of wolfgang’s car. shin was struggling and wolfgang moved closer— offering shin comfort. they had sat like that together, breathing and sharing soft kisses until shin mumbled his apology and wolfgang told shin he was going to be okay. 

(shin had called wolfgang perfect and wolfgang stayed up all night with shin’s head against his heart.)

they had held hands when the bus rushed towards them in the race. shin pried wolfgang’s fingers into his own, clinging on for dear life. and wolfgang— with his heart in his throat— took that hand and squeezed. held it like he had wanted to for all those months he couldn’t. held it like he had wanted to before the night in the lake—

wolfgang held shin’s hand for every second he had dreamt about holding it. 

(when shin didn’t let go, wolfgang sped up the car to match the pace of his beating heart.)

and wolfgang was selfish—his wants grew until his chest couldn’t keep them all in and he kissed shin. 

when shin had called him crazy and wolfgang had called shin incredible. 

when they were silent and just breathing, gazing at each other— it felt like the only thing wolfgang  _ could  _ do. 

wolfgang kissed shin. 

kissed shin because their breaths were rushed and adrenaline was coursing through their veins. he let their teeth clack because shin had taken the wheel and was beautiful under the flickering streetlights. 

wolfgang pushed shin back against the seat, lifted the smaller’s shirt and kissed his way up shin’s pale skin because he let himself treat shin like he was truly his. 

his to cherish and his to hold. 

and shin let him. 

shin keened and softened and so wolfgang pulled him onto his lap and kissed him again. it was like a dream—some fickle part of wolfgang’s mind remained in disbelief that shin was there and against wolfgang. 

wolfgang only kissed shin harder.

shin was whining, stuttering out his pleas and wolfgang swallowed them— watching the smaller shudder in his hold. 

because shin was saying he was wolfgang’s  _ baby boy.  _

and wolfgang _ , oh god _ ,  _ f _ elt his heart crawl up his chest, out of his throat and settle in shin’s hand. because wolfgang’s heart was shin’s— it always had been. 

_ shin soohyuk _ .  _ my baby boy.  _

it was rushing so hard through wolfgang's veins—the reality that he had been lying to himself all along. his  _ enoughs _ had never truly been enough. the secret reverence could never fulfil the way wolfgang’s heart thundered. the way it soared and climbed. the way it did everything for shin. 

_ always for shin.  _

when wolfgang held him, he decided he wouldn’t contain it anymore. wouldn't deny the truth that had been bearing him down in these moments with shin. 

shin called his name— wolfgang opened his eyes.

shin was crying and wolfgang was hushing, holding his face while shin held wolfgang’s heart.

he was watching shin closely, looking at him and saying his name—

_ shin.  _

it was something he told himself he could never do. a barrier that kept wolfgang sane through everything they did. something so personal, something that made wolfgang want to fall on his knees and give shin everything. 

his name. 

the one that played on wolfgang’s mind and whispered in his dreams. wolfgang had kept it off his lips for as long as he could but in this moment—

_ he was enchanted.  _

he said shin’s name like a prayer. 

and like all things— shin said the words that made his heart stop and mind still. made everything up to this moment shrivel up and drown. made wolfgang regret ever letting himself forget the rules—

wolfgang felt nothing for a moment, silence enveloping the small space of the car. shin was moving and wolfgang reached over on instinct, pulling him back towards wolfgang. 

a hand on wolfgang’s chest and the blonde looked up in desperation— it couldn’t be like this.  _ it couldn’t.  _

not when wolfgang had realised what his heart was trying to tell him. 

shin was stepping out of the car — shirtless and staggering. wolfgang was calling out his name, realisation hitting as hard as his heart in his chest.

because watching shin walk away made wolfgang finally make sense of it all—

“shin, i think i’m in love with you.”

and if wolfgang didn’t know before, wolfgang knew when shin didn’t turn back. 

because—

watching shin soohyuk walk away broke wolfgang’s heart in a way only love could.

wolfgang stood outside his car, wind hitting his bare chest and the night biting into his skin—a shocking cold settling over him.

wolfgang recalled every mistake. 

let it play through his mind like a film. 

every time he pushed the rules and every time he had forgotten to pull back. 

wolfgang had been selfish. 

he didn’t want to live in the grey areas anymore, he wanted shin. wanted to want him without needing a reason. wolfgang was selfish. he wanted to hold shin. 

to love him. 

he was an idiot. because now— shin was gone. and wolfgang felt empty. 

his heart splintered, sharp and jagged in his chest and pierced his lungs. it made his breath shallow and his body hurt all over as he bled. wolfgang felt his insides crumble and suddenly—

wolfgang felt like nothing, a numbing pain settling all over him until it left him still. 

wolfgang’s heart was breaking. 

it hurt more than anything had hurt before. 

  
  
  
  
  


and he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah........... nav threatened me to post this update :///  
> (hehe lov you nav <3)
> 
> uh this time a wolfgang pov that is kind of heart breaking when i read over it  
> but i think it's probably the most obvious and most needed insight into the way  
> golden boy feels about mr soohyuk.

**Author's Note:**

> twt @/kiingsmaker


End file.
